memories

Well mines one happy one sad.

1) Taking my favourite teddy into our transition day to primary school. I was almost 5 and everyone took their favourite teddy in when we met the rest of our class and our teacher in the spring before we moved in autumn. Really random but i have a memory of just what i could see at one moment and how i felt just then. Plus tht teddy was a gift when i was born from my grandad who died recently (still have it!).

2) Seeing the body bag being taken away of one of my best mates... Can see it clear as if it was now, ill never forget it as long as i live

 

1) There was this one day in school where I was backed into the corner of the classroom by most of my classmates and made fun of. Being trans in school was a stupid idea.

2) My first memory, walking up a sidewalk on a hill in some city at night time and holding his hand, the day before my birthday. Memory is a weird thing.

 

1) I remember the first day of Kindergarten, when my mom let go of my hand to drop me off in the cafeteria. I balled.. I was a miserable mama's boy and I clang to the blinds on the windows. It was awful :*(

2) The last day I went to High School so far. I had seen a gay kid get hospitalized with a broken arm a broken leg and a hairline fracture in his skull. I later found out that he had died for 12 seconds due to shock. I skipped every day the rest of that year after that.

 

1.) My cousin's funeral. He was a 20 year-old college student. He was driving home from campus for the holidays. His girlfriend was sleeping in the back seat. Their car was hit by a semi. The police said he died instantly; but he girlfriend remembered that he was awake for what seemed like an hour. The final report said that he had fallen asleep even though the truck driver had been drinking.

2.) A happy memory. When I passed my driver's test. It was nerve wracking but I made it with only one deduction for a wide turn. The driving lessons paid off!

 

When I told my first love how I felt. I remember the weather, the color of the grass, what table we were on, what time it was...that was 5 years ago. For me it might as well have been yesterday.

And then my 2 cousins who were sisters died in a car crash. I remember that whole night, and the following day. It was hard on my whole family. Thing is, I was young and I didn't even know them that well, but every now and then they come into my mind and it makes me sad. I'd like to think they would have accepted me as I am, unlike the rest of my family. I wish I knew them better.

 

1) Definitely my first date with my ex. We went to see Red-Riding Hood and I remember shaking with nerves at meeting her grandmother, and it being the first date I'd ever been on I was sweating and nervous and couldn't say much, but we got close during the movie and it was just... Really nice.. We both hated the movie afterwards because it was ridiculous, but it was the nicest first date I could imagine... I miss her a lot...

2) I will never ever forget the night that my dog died... She was the best dog in the whole world and I just remember sitting there crying while I was holding her and talking to her and then gave her some sleeping pills so she'd stop hurting... She had cancer in her mammaries and she was in a lot of pain... I remember having to dig up a grave at 1 o clock in the morning and put her in it and I just kept crying it was a terrible night because I'd lost my best and only friend since I was little... :tears: Honestly from that moment is when things really started to get bad.. My relationship started going downhill, and it just seems like my life started getting progressively worse from then on...

 

1) A happy memory: My second cousin and I were on an inner tube, and we were both standing for a few seconds, and it was one of those moments of pure joy, and I felt amazing.

2) I was sitting in science class, and when I looked to the left, I saw one of my friends. I had one of those really freaky déjà vu moments and it was extra strange because I had totally seen this in a dream a few days prior.

 

Stepping out of LAX Airport onto the Streets of LA for the 1st time

Going to a party in Down Town LA, the house was completely packed out, there was a Japanese Russian Guitarist in the front room playing Queen on a Guitar, in the back yard, there was a Windmill structure without the sails, it had a window with a glowing effigy of Jesus over looking everyone in the back yard that was drinking & smoking weed, the party was broken up at 4:30 am in the morning by the LAPD, what a Party

 

The day that I said goodbye to my first ever serious crush. I could never tell her how I felt, and she was due to move far away. The date was 10th June 2009 at exactly midday - it was sunny with a cool breeze. I was devastated and felt lost without her. I was very depressed during the lead up to her departure, and for a while after. I still miss her, and she often appears in my dreams.

The first time I ever spoke to someone about my feelings for the same sex. Blurted it out to my school counsellor at 11:55 on 5th june this year, just before one of my important A level exams! It was such a weird feeling, to say it out loud to another person after keeping it a secret for almost 7 years!

It's strange how you can remember all the little details about these important events!

 

Nice memories:

First time in Ireland to visit relatives. So GREEN! I was like 7, but have vivid memories of it. The colors, smells and sounds.

Meeting my boyfriend.

 

Well, as someone who's coming to terms with his gender, lot of my thought processes involve searching through my memories to justify my feelings of wanting to be a man. So might be a bit biased here.

Anyway, two bigs ones.

1) Five years old, my biological father took me to get a haircut. I can still remember the salon and sitting in the chair, waiting for the stylist (who I remember being young, brown haired. Probably new at her job but I liked her because she was 'pretty'). I got a chop job, basically came out looking like a little boy. I loved it, up until I got back home to my mother's (since I was staying with bio-dad for the summer) and she pitched a fit.

2) First kiss. I was about sixteen. Out with my best friend at Downtown Disney (Orlando, Florida). We were at a place called Disney Quest, which is basically an indoor themepark with an extensive arcade. So we were playing games against each other and doing dares. They were stupid things like loser has to run laps, loser has to buy the winner a drink and, loser has to kiss the winner. The latter, we actually blurted out at the same time. So we face off, doing all these dares. Get to the last one, the kiss, and we play table tennis. I won.
We leave Disney Quest and walk around with the rest of our friends, on a quest to find a place to kiss where no one's going to see us since, at the time, we look like girls (were this to happen now, we'd be two transmasculine guys. ) Takes all night, place is almost about to close and our friends have headed out when we finally decide, walking down a street by a lake, to do it while we're walking. So first time we attempt it, I'm going for an open mouth, friend's going for a peck. Went about as well as you can imagine. Second time, we get on equal ground and I get a peck.
Just a peck but I still felt like I was on Cloud 9.

 

1) I will NEVER forget the moment that I found out that one of my good friends died, no matter how much I try to forget, it's just impossible. I remember it was a Friday morning in the spring semester of my Freshmen year, it was raining that morning. I was alone in my dorm room browsing Facebook, all of a sudden I see "RIP Denton [last name]" and I'm just sitting there staring at that post crying my eyes out.

2) My first rainbow colored stuffed animal from my Big. I was in Choir in 7th grade and we did big sister/little sister thing (No little brother cause there was only 2 guys in there.) So my Big asked me what color I liked, and I replied "ALL the colors" so the next day she gave me a red bag with a rainbow colored horse (maybe?). I don't remember what animal it was, in fact, I never could figure out what it was. I just remember that it was rainbow, I was happy

 

I'll never forget anything from my experience as an insurance agent. I will always remember two things that happened from that, even though I only worked at that place for 2 weeks.

I was riding around with my trainer in his Mercedes talking about my social anxiety issues, and he told me three words I will never forget: "People don't care". I try to keep that in mind because I really do worry too much about what people think.

I'll also remember what one of the guys who was getting his own branch of the agency and moving to Florida said in one of his training meetings: "Good things come to those who wait, but only what's left behind by those who hustled".

 

I have a lot of euphoric memories, as well as shitty ones but I guess I can name some prominent (positive) ones.

I remember when my dad would buy my brothers and I all of these assorted videogames and comic books when were kids. And we would go to comic shops together, and watch superhero cartoons while he'd cook breakfast, humming songs in Spanglish and Italian. (I still remember the general rhythm and tune of those songs.) We'd also go swimming often and spend our summers at the beach, or we'd all play soccer together. I was jealous when him and my brothers would go out and ride the ATVs while I had to stay home w/ my mom or play outside by myself. But we spent a lot of time together, and I wish that those memories didn't end so abruptly but things happened between my parents and then my dad became a not.. so significant part of my life after that.

The first time my girlfriend and I kissed, right after our second date. And it was quick and rushed but I still felt lovestruck and all tingly and warm. It happened while we were in the museum, by ourselves in a secluded exhibit. The atmosphere made it so much better.
I remember all of the trips I've made to her dorm, and all of the films we've watched, cuddled up together, and I remember a lot of the 'risqué' and obscure things too hehehe. I have a lot of vivid memories involving the both of us.

I could name some other significant memories, a majority of them extremely depressing, but I'd rather not.