Sometimes I Swear My Life Is like Some Bad Yoai Manga!!

Yup I said it......that's the way i feel.

SORRY BUT THIS IS A LOT TO READ.

If any of you guys dont know what yoai is Google it and you will understand.

Much like some yoai mangas for the passed few months I've had a secret crush on my manager. I know no good can ever come from this, EVER!! But let me explain in detail now what I'm feeling. I've said somethings about my crush before but now I will put everything out there.

So back in October some of my friends/coworkers like two of them, started at a new job and since I was ready for a change I decided to apply for the job as well. I would go and see them every other day or so to catch out up and just have some laughs. During this time I hadn't applied yet, so like any other day I went to see one of my friends and while I was waiting for him I happened to see my furture manager in the distance, I thought oh he's tall and nothing else and continued the the rest of the month.

The second time I saw him we where actually introduced to one another by my old manager who had changed jobs and would later get me this one. Seeing him up close didn't really set my soul a blaze or anything I was just thinking that, oh, he's tall and attractive. It was a brief conversation between him and my old manager about how much they spend on lunch and if I remember correctly he said he had spent twenty something dollars on his. I only said how I thought that was alot and he barely even looked at me. He left and I stayed to talk with my old manager about applying.

Now in the middle of December I had my first job interview and he and one other guy interviewed me and a group of about four other people. At this time there still were no signs of a crush. christmas came and went and so did new years. I had got a text from my old manager asking me if I was still interested in the job and I was very much still. The second interview was done by the main manager and out of the five people from the original interview I was the only one to make it to the second round. Fast forward and I had got the job.

At first I didn't see much of him because we worked on different floors and when I did see him I would just casually smile say hi by nodding my head and continue to do what I was doing. Until they moved him to my floor. At first this guy intimidated the hell out of me because he would walk around with this very serious face and not smile. I just worked through it. I don't remember when we started to get friendly but he would always talk about McDonald's because I had worked there in high school. I had realized he wasn't so scary after all. I still found him a bit intimidating so when I needed something I would ask another manager and one day he came over to me and said that every time he comes and speaks to me, I look at him like, why is this guy talking to me. He wasn't far off.

Around this time he also gave me a nick name. I told him I didn't like it but secretly I do :dry: I think this is when I started to crush on him. Maybe it had to do with the nick name. It had made happy because he told me he was at home thinking all night of a good name to call me and that was what he came up with. He still uses the name almost seven months later.

I wasn't sure how to feel because I hate crushing on guys even though its rare for me it still puts me in a bad place. Every time I would come into work he would ask me what kind of things I did outside and I would talk about school. So, he took an interest in that and would ask me about my studying habits and things along those lines. He always makes the same joke about what type of music I study with and I knew I definitely had I crush when still laughed at it. This would be the tone or our encounters for the next two to three months.

I had heard other people talk about what kind of girls he likes. He would do it too. So I thought he definitely likes girls I could stop this crush before it gets any harder. I distanced myself a little and went back to how we would interact in the beginning. Then at some point I felt like he had stopped talking to me, which made feel somehow bad. He would walk right passed me and not say anything, so I started to say hi first to break the ice. It worked because we started to talk about my classes again. He even asked me for advice on how to approach this very beautiful woman who he says comes into our job a lot, I've never seen before, because he didn't know how to approach her. I would have been jealous it I hadn't spent the last month and a half getting over my small crush and focusing on school work. So this was nothing and I gave him some advice like he asked. I just regarding him as a attractive straight guy.

When we closed at work together, with other people and he would be have a conversation with one of them, if ask a question about like how old he was, he would look in my direction before answering. At this time I found out he was four years older than I am.

Things where pretty normal for a while. We would talk and he would call me by his nick name for me., that's it. But in like the beginning of June things had changed again. One day in the after noon he came to work sweaty and I was in the front of the store right in front of the fan and he came up to me and like took me gently by my shoulders almost not touching me at all because he could feel how I tensed up when he did and later that night or the day before we walked past each other and he says to me, "I MAY NOT BE A SMART MAN BUT I KNOW WHAT LOVE IS" I didn't show it but I was flushed, I looked at him and said the first that came to mind and asked him was he quoting the color purple, he replied and said it was from Forest Gump. The next morning I don't know what happened but we opened together and we were talking and it felt like something clicked, it was strange, all smiles. I was probably gushing all over. I think it was the first time I let my guard down around him. I was wide eyed and couldn't stay still, smiling and laughing like a girl, while covering my face and I thought that maybe he could like me in that way. That was short lived later on maybe a hour or two after we had talked to each other, I'm not sure but it looked like he was talking about girl with one if my coworkers, whos always talking about doing something to a female. I got jealous, I will not lie but I did and started to not talk to him again. Two later after I would just say and walk away he started to invade my space and just stare at me, I mean like really stare at me and not say anything. I would partially look back and walk away and he did that all day. I eventually looked him in the eyes and started smiling and blushing and we did that for about a minute until I became overwhelmed and walked away. Today something similar happened and I told him to stop and he walked away. I feel bad.

I told myself that even if he did like me he would say it not at work. I try not speak to him to much because I could be better that way. He still comes up to me and does dances and stares. I don't know what to think, working with this is like math class.

I can speculate all I want and still not know what's going on. What do you guys think about this whole thing?

There are some other small things I left out so if you have a question feel free to ask. honestly though I can't wait to be old, life will be a hundred times easier when I stop feeling these immature feelings. I'm thinking about quitting because I can't take it. I hate like people.

 

Thought I'll add to to this to kind of keep a log of whats been happening.

So the other day we did a night shift together along with two of my female Australian coworkers and well what can I say. I avoided him......so we didn't speak much plus he was busy talking to The other managers. I get so nervous, its honestly very annoying. Oh he did put his hand on my back and quickly retracted it once he realized he was touching me. I don't think it means anything but.......
I also found out that talking to him around other people is harder for me because I'm not always or not at all the best person at hiding my emotions and the part of me that's still hiding my sexuality from people doesn't want them to know. Kind of like its okay for them to know I'm gay but its not okay for them to know I like someone. Does that make sense?

I kind of feel like I could be finally getting over this whole thing but to be honest I don't want to.....is that insane, or something else?
I'll test myself next time and see if I can talk like a normal person around him.

 

Hey, so its been a while since I've been on here because school is starting in a couple of weeks and I've been, well kind of busy.

There has been some changes in this story of mine. Let see, Where to start?

For starters I can now have a almost decent conversation with him now, it still takes me sometime to warm up to it but its getting there. No more running away.

The best part for me was well, the other night I was taking with a Asian female co worker of mine and she had asked what type of girls did I like and well you can guess how quickly that turned into her asking if i was into guys or both. I told her I wasn't interested in both and had refused to go any further into the conversation but she was kind of persistent and around this time my manager had walk pasted us over hearing what we were talking about. She had continued to ask and I guess he wanted to hear the answer to and had stop a few feet from us and began fixing some items. I was thinking that for sure after this he would talk to me less or something else, I don't know but he didn't, I think he might even talk to me a little more. Maybe he didn't hear what we were talking about?

And today for brief moment when I came into work, he told me he was happy to see me. That made my day. But that was all that happened because before we could continue from there the Big boss was walking over and we went our separate ways and he was already going home for the day. Before that I was having a bit of a bad day and he helped fix it.

There have been some other encounters but nothing really ground breaking but before he had one nick name for me and now theres like four of them.

Thanks for listening!!!

 

Well today was different or just more of the same!!!

A couple of personal space encounters in the break room where he tried to scare me, he almost did but I heard someone coming i was just to into The news paper to look up.

And I got new nickname, maybe its new!!! Any way I think I really like this one.

He asked me if I was going to gay club with some coworkers after work and made a comment about he and i going to a 24 fast food place after ward but that was a joke because they were soooooo not going to a gay club.....LOL. that left me with more questions, like maybe he's trying a more aggressive approach to finding out my sexual identity.

Again I don't know what to think?

I want to show him I'm interested in him but I don't think him being my manager and all, it will be a good idea. plus what if I'm just being played with? Things could get really bad but I getting to that point where just crushing on him isn't enough.

Maybe I should quit my job so I never have to see him again?

Thinks for reading :'(

---------- Post added 14th Aug 2013 at 10:45 PM ----------

Oh gosh, I re read my first post and there are a lot of grammar errors in it sorry about that.

 

I like keeping this as a kind of log. Some smaller detail I'm my story...

This was funny, the other day at work. The day was coming to an end when one of the girls I know from my old job came by and said hi and blow me a kiss. At the time I was taking to him and when she a left he kind of interrogated me on who she was.

This is how it went.

Him: who was she?

Me: Brittany!

Him: Brittany who?!

Me: my friend form my last job!

Him: oh okay, do you like here or there more?

Me: hmmm, that's a hard question.

 

Well for anyone who actually reads this, I think this will he my last post on This tread as of today.
Writing about this has helped me deal with what was going and it will continue to help with this final post. " in soooo dramatic" lol

Yeah, he is definitely straight and into girls. Which means its time to move on.
Somethings were said today and that's, that.

I'm also getting ready to put my two weeks in because i ready to say goodbye to this job but that has nothing to do with him, I was already on my way out. Plus school starts in a week, who knows there could be lots of nice gay guys there. LOL

 

Okay this is the last post on this tread....lol

You know that stage after to realized your crash will only ever be a crush and you try and think of some kind of way where maybe it could still turn around in you favor? That's whats going on right now, wish it wasn't but it is, sadly.

I think falling in love with another person is the only good thing about life but it can also tear you apart if your not careful. While I'm not going to die or anything from him not being able to like me, it still sucks,LOL because I think he a very interesting guy. Can't be his friend because that will be to close and at The same time very far from what I want. It will probably be while before I find another guy I find interesting because this happens so rarely for me, plus I still have to fully get over him, which could take a bit of time, considering I've been thinking about him almost all day today....lol, not good.

[/COLOR]And its stupid.

 

I know!! Lol