Homophobic dad + not so homophobic mom?

[otc877]

So, I went downstairs and decided to watch TV with the parentals. Grey's Anatomy was on, and to my surprise the show featured a gay couple.

Firstly, I'd like to say that I really appreciate how this couple was presented. It touched on a interesting issue faced by gays, don't ask don't tell military policy. The way the gay couple (two marines, one being deployed soon, the other battling through a malignant brain tumor) was portrayed extremely well. Both were non-stereotypical, and they were actually in LOVE.

!?!??!?! Gay men in a committed relationship? Blasphemy.

Anyways, enough background.

The couple started to argue about whether or not the marine who is being deployed should stay home. The marine who was being deployed said that he wanted to stay home with him and that he's going to.

As soon as this happened my dad took it upon himself to proclaim "They're queer." My dad has a fondness of pointing out every gay person he comes across, boasting "My gaydar is flawless." (little does he know...)

And shortly after he pointed out their sexuality, sure enough it was confirmed. The two gazed into each other's eyes and then started to kiss passionately. It was extremely awkward for me (for obvious reasons) and it didn't exactly help when my dad scoffed"Why would they put this on a perfectly good show like this?"

No surprise there. My dad's homophobic. I've known that all my life.

So, as the marines were kissing the marine with the tumor's dad walks in on them. Long story short, he's angry, and his lover can't see him anymore. This is where it gets surprising, I glance over at mommy dearest and discover two bloodshot eyes staring back at me. Mom was sympathizing with gay men?!

The marine with the tumor ends up dying, and after a brief internal conflict the father of the deceased lets his son's lover into the room to say his goodbye. He does this with a single kiss. At this point, my mom is wiping her eyes and muffling sniffles.

It was a complete shock for me. I had never expected my mom to sympathize with gay men. Granted, this doesn't mean she approves, but it means that coming out to her won't be as hard as I had anticipated. My dad on the other hand...


Well, that was a bit longer than I meant for it to be...
Any thoughts on the situation?

[BadAndy]

I think you ruined this episode of Grey's Anatomy for me! Bah that's what I get for watching them online I suppose...

My dad used to say the same things. But now that I've come out to him I hear fewer and fewer comments regardless of whether or not he is okay with the subject. It's better than nothing I suppose

For a lot of people though it takes personal experiences to change their views on topics like homosexuality...at least that's what I've gathered from stuff I've read and my personal experiences. Even though your dad says comments like that it doesn't necessarily mean he won't love you or anything if you were to tell him. That was the case with my dad at least.

bit of a weird question - but are you sure your dad doesnt know?? maybe he does have a perfect 'gaydar'... just a thought.

its cool that your mum was upset tho ((you know what i mean!!))

[Gerry]

I think maybe it means it will be easier of course telling your mom first. Your dad might know, but not sure. You might want to wait on that one. Lol.

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

Well, it does sound like your Mum has a chance in her. Seeing gay people just as other people with thoughts, feelings, and love is the first step to acceptance.

[Jim1454]

I'd say both your parents were pretty ok with it. Yes, your mom showed some real compassion towards them, but at least your dad didn't turn the TV off or storm out of the room. He probably just felt obliged to make that kind of comment to maintain his status of 'macho, hetro man'. It's just something he's not entirely comfortable with - not that he's violently opposed to it. My dad would say the same thing about someone swearing on TV, or something like that.

I'd say you're all set! Plus, you've got an ice-breaker now:

You: Hey dad, remember when you said you have flawless gaydar...?

[sngl]

I agree!!

While I wasn't out to my mom and we were watching TV and there was a gay couple kissing, she would say things like 'eww that's disgusting' and change the channel. Yet when I came out to her, she had no problems with it and was supportive. (Though I think she still thinks I'm just confused). But she didn's say it was disgusting or not right, she just said if that's how I felt then that was completely fine.

And as someone else pointed out, in most cases it takes personal experience to change their views. Your parents don't sound too bad. You could try coming out to them when you are ready and if you want to

I don't think its that your dad is homophobic, but like any straight guy, he doesn't really find men kissing appealing.

[otc877]

Originally Posted by Leigh

bit of a weird question - but are you sure your dad doesnt know?? maybe he does have a perfect 'gaydar'... just a thought.

its cool that your mum was upset tho ((you know what i mean!!))

I'm pretty sure that my dad thinks i'm straight. He's never mentioned anything or insinuated that would suggest he thought I'm gay. Now, ever since prom, he keeps asking if i'm going to get together with my prom date. He thinks we'd make a good couple.

I doubt he thinks i'm gay. But, if I were to tell him, I think he would put the pieces together and go "OH!"

Originally Posted by Jim1454

I'd say both your parents were pretty ok with it. Yes, your mom showed some real compassion towards them, but at least your dad didn't turn the TV off or storm out of the room. He probably just felt obliged to make that kind of comment to maintain his status of 'macho, hetro man'. It's just something he's not entirely comfortable with - not that he's violently opposed to it. My dad would say the same thing about someone swearing on TV, or something like that.

I'd say you're all set! Plus, you've got an ice-breaker now:

You: Hey dad, remember when you said you have flawless gaydar...?

My dad reacted a lot better to this instance of gays on TV. When that one flaming guy was on American Idol (i'm terrible with names...), he would always call him a faggot, fag, fag boy, queer etc. We like to predict who's going to be sent home and every week he would be like the fag is going home. During every performance he would say, "He's such a faggot. I can't stand it."

But, I agree, I think my mom will take it a lot better than my dad.

[NoLeafClover]

Television was a heads up for me and my father's state of mind on gays. When the gay marriage thing was huge in the media in Massachusetts, he would leave the room saying "They should all be hanged!"

I don't hear those things from him anymore, so...kudos to him I guess for at least censoring himself, but coming out to him also meant taking my head out of his ass, so at this point even if I were to hear him say something homophobic, I'd care significantly less than I would have before.

Omg i saw that show and totally predicted that they were gay!
But her sympathy can mean she will be easier to tell.