Hi~ This may sound weird but I never want to be in a romantic relationship or have kids. I have been saying this for over 6 years (grade 9- to current). Many people seem to think I will change my find but I don't think so. I have mild PTSD, social anxiety, a fear of intimacy, a dislike of touch and am an introvert. I've never been in a relationship either. This brings me to my main question. Is there any way not to fall in love??? It would bring me nothing but unhappiness if I did ever fall in love. Even in my dreams when someone flirts with me I get upset and try to avoid them. Any comments are appreciated.
I know how you feel, in some ways. I don't think I'd be able to sleep in the same bed as someone else, ever. I dislike being with people. I can't trust people. I'm scared of intimacy. I don't even know if I'd want to have sex. I don't know. Maybe by separating yourself from anyone who you develop feelings for? Or maybe you won't fall in love.
Sounds like me, but I don't know how it works in practice. Humans kinda just look for companionship without really even thinking about it. Its like a natural genetic response. If you seem someone you think would make a good "mate" then you can't really help but feel attracted. Not to say it isn't possible. I think you might just have to work on it. Sort of train yourself to not go there mentally. Separate yourself from anyone you might feel attracted to. I don't know anyone who can do this successfully though. I know I've tried and I'm trying right now to get on with my life with the idea that I don't want anyone because...well for various reasons. I think its just something that if you truly want it, you gotta work at it, like all things in life. Bah. Just my 2cents.
Well, good luck, because I was perfectly content being by myself and I fell in love against my better judgment. Love is a very scary thing though, as it requires so much vulnerability. Maybe you'll have better luck than me.
OK, so don't fall in love. Love then for its own sake, not for someone else, necessarily, but for the beautiful trees, or a shining sea, or an infant's laughter (they say that fairies are born of those delightful giggles)... The world is so starved of love...every bit counts!
Kind of in the same boat. I want to love/be loved but terrified of the idea. Admittably, where I am now, my dating pool's small... Wish I didn't want sex/love but I do.
Thanks for all the great advice everyone~ I guess the only thing to do is to try and make sure that when I have a crush, that it doesn't go further then that.
I wish i where asexual and aromantic... I think sexual desire and love, specialy sexual desire, most of the time only bring suffering. Now, for your question: falling in love might be different from the love you feel toward a friend or a family member, but i had found it can be transformedin those types of love. You can use this in your favor. if you are asexual all you have to avoid is falling in love, you dont have to worry about lust (with can be pretty tormenting too), i dont think you can avoid falling in love but you can transform it into another kind of love. How? What worked for me was spending time with the person and work on creating a friendship and at the same time having a cristal knowledge that nothing more than friendship would or should happen, because in the long run it wasnt going to be good idea. A few tips: At some moment "casually mention" to that person how you dont want to ever have a relationship with anyone. Behave as a friend, become a friend... Spend time with the person till the love fades. This works like a vaccine where you create inmunity to a virus (in this case the virus of love) by exposing yourself to the same virus. Be that person wingwoman, help that person in his/her dating life, just like a friend would, this puts you more in the friend's mentality. Talk to that person in the same manner you speak to a friend(you want to have this person as friend so duh!) Have lots of good friends! And tell them of your desire to never fall in love. Spend time with them when you need distraction. After spending time with a person for a few months ormyears you will find someone more interesting or as interesting. This could help you fall out of love....well it also mean risking falling in love with another person:dry:, but you are now more prepared for this new falling out of love process. The firsts are always the hardest. Fall in love, fall out of love, repeat. You will get better. Have a hobby, be busy, be passionate about activities you love.fall in love with activities and passions and places and music, this makes falling in love with other persons less frequent and more bearable. I know this might sound all ambiguous but its kind of hard putting this in words. ... Now , if you are not asexual. What i say still work. But it gets harder as you will desire to have sex and phisical intimacy, and i dont know how to supress that. Te solutionto those sexual desires could be having phisical intimacy... The problem? Many people fall in love when they have phisical intimacy:bang::help:, or at least increase the chances of it happening, and if you are already in love with the person then that could easily drag you into the whole being in love, with is what you dont want. In this case you need then to satisfy your sex drive but without creating attachment, this might be harder or easier dependingon the individual, but a few tips on this are: The less the better, the less phisical intimacy you have with one same person, and the less frequent the less the danger of falling for that person. Dont necesarily eat the whole cake: meaning, you dont have to do all the things in a phisical intimacy session, maybe you can leave it at touching. Kissing and having sex are usually the most riskier activities in terms of falling in love. Feeling lust? cannot have sex or you dont want?. Take a cold shower,that helps. Pleasure yourself. Self explainatory. Again, have a hobby, have passions for activities, places, things... ... Well, that is it. I wish i had more, for i myself need it also. :goodluck: ---------- Post added 7th Aug 2013 at 04:12 AM ---------- Oh, and i guess being friends with someone who is also in the journey of never falling in love, could be of help.
Remember that being in love is something that you feel, not just something which happens to you. If you did fall in love, you wouldn't feel uncomfortable about the things that being in love makes you want... because you'd be in love. Whereas if you always feel the way you do now, you won't be in love. So either way there's nothing to worry about, I reckon.
I kind of understand what you are saying, for me I would rather not experience until later on in life though, I am still fairly young and I don't really want it to happen, partially because I am afraid of it, and also because I don't want to make a decision based on it and get hurt.
@Straight ally Thanks for the long and descriptive advice! It was really helpful. I am bi, but I want to remain a virgin forever anyway. ---------- Post added 8th Aug 2013 at 12:13 AM ---------- Whereas if you always feel the way you do now, you won't be in love. So either way there's nothing to worry about, I reckon.[/QUOTE] I hope this is true!:eusa_clap ---------- Post added 8th Aug 2013 at 12:14 AM ---------- Northern I feel for ya. :icon_sad: