Lately I've been feeling stuck at the same place in my life. I just turned twenty, but it feels like yesterday I was in high school. I never graduated, but ended up getting my GED and it seems everything in between is a blur. Last summer I was in a car accident that almost ended my life. I hit a tree straight on going 40 mph and shattered my ankle, wrist, and fractured my skull. I was extremely intoxicated with alcohol and xanax. I don't remember the accident but I remember thinking about drinking myself to death before I blacked out and woke up in the hospital. They didnt know if i was going to make it. I was trapped in the car for almost an hour before they could cut me out. I lost so much blood I was taken straight to critical care and into surgery. I spent six months not being able to do anything. I couldnt walk or use crutches so all I could do was hobble around on a specially made walker. My depression got worse. I did nothing but think about how I wish I wouldve died. I continued to take xanax with my pain meds and laid on the couch all day. I even started cutting again. Once I started to be able to walk my mom had enough and kicked me out forcing to go to my dads who had two rules. No drugs and I had to enroll in school. My dad was never around so i continued to abuse xanax and smoke weed while I was in two general studies classes. I got a job and my was happy for me and I even convinced him to let me get my own apartment that he pays for. Thats where it all went down hill again. I ended up getting fired for not showing up because i was too fucked up and ever since then Ive been blacking out everynight. I even got in another minor car accident just the other day and had to flee the scene before the police came. I'm pretty much doing the same thing that almost killed me last summer, but i dont care. I have no motivation to do anything and my lease is up in a couple of months and I dont know where I'm going. I want to be happy but im just so lonely. I wish i could express these feelings to my friends or even my family but ive had this wall up ever since can remember. I just dont see a future with me. I have no hobbies or talents and have no idea what i want to pursue. I feel like im at a crossroads in my life now and I just dont know what to do to make me happy. I'm just looking for advice and venting about my issues, but please if you have any simlar experiences or just any advice at all please respond. Sorry for the life story lol
Hi Michael. This is a difficult situation that seems to have been with you for some time. The number one thing I can see that's messing with your head/thoughts is the drugs/alcohol. You need, as do I, to go and see your doctor, and also clean out your system i.e. eat healthy and no alcohol or drugs. You should then be able to think clearer and allow positivity inside. Dan
Drugs and alcohol can cover up your feelings, talents, untreated, and abilities. I agree you need to detox right now but you also need to surround yourself with support. Sounds like you have been using chemicals to get through life and once you stop them, you will probably experience many thoughts and feelings you have been avoiding. This is not something you need to deal with alone. My suggestion is to find AA or NA meetings and attend daily. You deserve to have support and be surrounded by others that will help you care about yourself! (*hug*)
You are in what is called a 'RUT'...or ground hog day syndrome...so basically everything is same shit, different day. I believe that you need to seek professional help, this is not a bad thing, this is a positive thing. As others have already said, the drugs and alcohol are merely masking everything and these are the first 2 issues that you need to deal with, they are bloody hard issues to over come at time, hence the reason why you will need the support of a professional. Your other issues will be equally as difficult to deal with, but with the clouded judgement out of the way, your determination and motivation will begin to drag you through and allow you to conquer all. One small step at a time...first step admit the problem and ask for help Good luck.
