When I was younger I had kissed girls for practice but didn't really enjoy it, I remember thinking how much more fun it would be when I was older and would kiss guys. My first kiss was sixth grade, a guy asked me if he could kiss me, I said yes and we kissed. I was more excited that I'd had a first kiss than the kiss itself. Throughout middle school i kissed guys through truth or dare and never felt any 'spark'. Freshman year I had the biggest crush on the guy in the grade above me (Brooks) I plucked up the courage to talk to him on facebook and we started texting. We hung out a few times over the summer and I liked him more and more but it was hard for me to talk to him in person because I was so nervous around him. I had pictured us together and me being intimate with him so i was excited when he asked me out at the beginning of sophomore year. We kissed right after he asked me out and I felt nothing. I kissed him a second time to make sure and again felt nothing. One time when he was at my house we started making out, I felt nothing. I broke up with him shortly afterwards. Thats when I started to think i might be lesbian because I never felt anything with a guy. I have always thought girls were pretty but I haven't pictured myself being with them. The more I think about it the more I can see myself with a girl but I can also see myself with a guy. I haven't kissed a girl since I was little so I don't know if I'll feel something or not. The thing is I started talking to this guy in my grade after I broke up with Brooks. We would text constantly and talk in person at school. I could be gross and weird around him, I wouldn't have to worry about how I looked or acted. He started to like me and I knew it, but I told everyone we were just friends. Something came up and I was telling him about a show where the guy dated this girl in college for two years and she just found out he was gay, he said he would "be so pissed/would hate that" if it happened to him. I am pretty sure I have feelings for him. But he is over me now and is trying to move on. I want to tell him how I feel and I want to kiss him, but Im afraid if I kiss him and don't feel anything its not fair that I keep jerking him around. Should I go for it? I also don't want him to hate me anymore than he already does because our friendship ended kind of badly so that he could get over me. I AM SO CONFUSED!!, any advice would be helpful Also sorry this is so long
