Sorry everyone for being gone for so long. Almost every aspect of my life fell apart the week of my birthday. My Dad turned on me for the longest time with my name change, I lost a ton of hours at work due to physical threats to me and my client in public, and family members from both sides of my family decided to rally to have me disowned. People I thought I could trust tore me down on my freaking birthday. I couldn't take the stress anymore and just shut down. Well, I finally realized that my isolation and self-harm was only slowly killing me. So here I am, crawling back to everyone a broken mess. It's just...I hate having chunks my life cut out of me just for being true to myself. I hate this feeling of helplessness I have when I walk outside of my house. The threats, the bathroom abuse, people calling me an "it", I'm just so sick of it. I wanted so bad to be the one who rises above the system to show others it was possible. I thought I was strong enough to handle it. And in the end I couldn't. I'm just another victim of societies transphobia. I don't know what to do anymore. I went from doing great to this. I've tried so hard to figure out where I screwed up. God I'm so lost...
First of all... (*hug*) I was worried about you and glad to see you're back. Circumstances none withstanding, of course... You're strong as hell for being to endure that shit and I admire you for it. I don't want to say "it'll get better" because those tend to be empty words, but you're stronger than you think and you've fought and endured. Just wish you didn't have to go through hell in the first place. No one should. I can't offer much more than words and support, I'm afraid, but just know that you've got people on your team. And one day, and I hope it won't be far off, you will rise above the system.
I'm sorry how cruel and heartless society can be (and I've endured through it as well and many of us unfortunately have), but I admire that you have the strength to endure and continue moving on with life, even if you say otherwise. You've done enough, sister, and I'm glad to hear you're still here with us, regardless. You'll be able to rise above the system one day. Focus on taking care of yourself first, because you deserve it more than anything. I sincerely hope life turns for the best for you, and I hope you stay safe. Take care. (*hug*)
