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dont call myself a lesbian

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Britishskittles, Aug 5, 2013.

  1. Britishskittles

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    I am not really sure why but I don't like the term lesbian I refer to myself as gay and even think of myself as gay and if someone calls me a lesbian it doesn't feel right . It could be that I am only just learning to accept my sexuality and gay is easier for me accept in myself, because growing up the term lesbian was always used as put down but gay wasn't. I also don't really see myself living a lesbian lifestyle and others often comment on how I am a bad lesbian , I didn't know one could be bad at liking women but that's whole other rant. So anyone else feel the same way ? or no any girls that would rather call themselves gay ?
     
  2. BooksJeansTea

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    I've been wondering about this too. I am trying to accept the term lesbian (you can see it under my orientation) because it seems to be some sort of rule. Even when I came out to my friend, I could not bring myself to use the word lesbian. I used gay and kind of felt guilty about it (like I was being a "bad lesbian"). Maybe it does have something to do with it being more difficult to accept, like you said. Does it make you feel guilty?
     
  3. LinkLarkin

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    Lesbian is just a label :slight_smile: What defines your sexuality is who you are attracted to and you are fine to call yourself gay, lesbian, girl-lover, or anything else you can think of or nothing at all if you prefer! I blame scientists (of which I am one) for insisting on categorising everything into neat little boxes, but human behaviour is very complex and how you identify is entirely up to you. Don't let anybody else tell you it's wrong.

    And as for people telling you you're a bad lesbian? Please ask them what a good lesbian is, I know I would be very interested to know and I'm sure many others would as well. Being a gay woman/lesbian is about being sexually attracted to other women, as you correctly state, and nobody has any right to tell you that you are living your life wrongly. There is no "incorrect" way to be gay - we have as diverse a range of personalities and interests as straight people, and the suggestion that we should all fit into the usual stereotypes is nothing if not ignorant and offensive.
     
  4. Britishskittles

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    not so much guilty it just harder to say for some reason I associate lesbian as something bad but gay not I don't know why
     
  5. Grrrr331

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    I feel the same way because the term "lesbian" just kinda... ikd weird me out or something so I'm more comfortable with the word "gay".
     
  6. Hexagon

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    Obviously its not my place to dictate what you should call yourselves. My opinion though, is that having an extra word for women in many situations is a bit discriminatory. Its like saying "You're not gay/an actor/a waiter/a whatever, you're a woman. So you have to be called something else". So I usually refer to gay women as gay, unless told otherwise.

    Anyway, thats my rather convoluted take on the matter. I once IDed as a gay woman, and I had the same problem.
     
  7. PurpleRain

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    Yeah I prefer the word gay to lesbian. It just feels more right to say than the word lesbian. It feels like a separation from the gay community even though they mean the same things for different sexes. : /
     
  8. LionsAndShadows

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    Its easy to get hung up on labels. Personally, I knew I was homosexual (and was entirely happy about it) way before I was comfortable with the term gay. When I did start using gay in relation to myself it was really only because it was a more convenient word than homosexual. I felt gay could be construed as saying much more about my identity than merely my (homo)sexual orientation. And I didn't feel comfortable with that - in some ways I still don't. But now I couldn't care less.... about labels, I mean.
     
  9. Britishskittles

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    I get where your coming from on that one I accept that I am gay but I don't so much feel comfortable living the lesbian lifestyle and a load of sterotypes come to my mind when I hear the word lesbian , I know that just because I like girls doesn't mean I should cut my hair short and suddenly read only gay magazines and books and go into gay clubs I can argue my case with any straight person who says I don't look gay but when gay people start saying I should act more gay it frustrates me and make me feel less part of the lgbt community
     
  10. Reptillian

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    I think I gotta suggest that the word lesbian has a connotation with those videos that males generally watch.
     
  11. For a while after I came out, I felt really uncomfortable with the word lesbian and always used the word gay to describe myself. I think that there are some really good points to be made for not using it, such as what other posters have said about the connotation in pornography aimed at straight men and the fact that we for some reason need a different word for homosexual women simply because they're women.

    So, that being said, I get why it could make you uncomfortable.

    However, after spending a while in the gender and sexual minorities family, I feel less uncomfortable with the word. I don't generally use it to describe myself, but I don't feel that I shouldn't.

    As I got more into feminism and learning about gender and sexual minorities, I realized that sometimes having our own word for what we are--gay women--is important because gay women sometimes have intersectional issues that don't apply in the same way to anyone else.

    But it's not SO important that everyone use it. I just think that the option is nice.

    Really that's what it's about, being comfortable with the word you use to describe part of yourself.
     
  12. PurpleRain

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    Yeah that isn't fair. I'm trans*, but I mean what's the point of it all if you can't even enjoy your own femininity. I mean I really don't like having my hair cut short and I don't like clubbing and there's that stereotype that lesbians have a masculine attitude, but why do I have to act like that or not be considered gay? I'm shy, quiet, and like to dress in feminine fashion. I mean I'm not saying there's anything wrong with doing those things it's just tiring to think that society is so hung up on stereotypes. :dry:
     
  13. FucSoc

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    I live in a country where I can't call myself gay even if I want to, we use here only lesbian so.. I don't really have a choice. although gay sounds somewhat better
     
  14. Holly

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    I actually refer to myself as 'gay' more than I do 'lesbian'. I guess the term just sounds slightly odd to me. Not sure why, it just does.
     
  15. HeyAshley

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    i hate the word lesbian, i think it's just an ugly word. i always just say i'm gay, too. but i don't get offended or put off by it.
     
  16. LD579

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    In fairness to yourselves, residents of the Greek island Lesbos are also lesbians. So in that sense, there are guy lesbians. So really it almost would make more sense to call yourselves gay instead of a lesbian. It's interesting to wonder how such a term became a word for women liking women (I have some idea of how it happened, but it's just a comment, heh).
     
  17. Britishskittles

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    lol good point , according to Wikipedia an accent greek poet Sappho lived there and wrote poems about love for both genders

    ---------- Post added 5th Aug 2013 at 11:06 PM ----------

     
  18. FloatingPiano

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    I don't mind using the word lesbian. But I just in general use the word gay more to describe myself. Idk why that is.
     
  19. Valerie

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    I prefer ''lesbian'' to ''lesbienne'' (the french term). In french, it doesn't sound right when you use the term ''gay'' for a woman. It sounds weird and also sounds like a joke.. IDK lol. So I don't have a choice. I have to call myself a lesbian (lesbienne - I speak french only)! But I am still in the closet and I made the only person that I'm out to guess so I didn't have to say the word. I feel pathetic. :roflmao:

    So I understand why you don't call yourself lesbian and I think you're lucky that you can use another term!
     
  20. VelvetEYES

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    I normally use the term gay when disclosing it to someone. There are very few occasion where I will say I'm a lesbian. I don't like the word lesbian. It sounds dirty...idk, I just prefer to say I'm gay but technically the term I should be using is lesbian. Now I will say lesbo in a fun way amongst friends, but I don't really use the term lesbian.