1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Online interactions and dating

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Hendrix, May 12, 2008.

  1. Hendrix

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2007
    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Raliegh, North Carolina
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I've used online dating almost exclusively to meet guys. I'm gradually edging myself out of the closet as I find more and more suppport and feel more comfortable with who i am, extending beyond the limits of just my sexual orientation. The online world had opened me up to so many people. I've talked to people that across the country, and people here that I've actually met and talked to (which was new for me untill just a few months agi). I see all the benefits: meeting people that you wouldn't meet otherwise, breaking the ice in emails and IM chats before meeting, meeting gay men who are hard to find outside of a club atmosphere. Even though I've met up in person with people that I've met online, I still wonder if i'm not hurting myself. I am a very shy person and have a hard time just walking up to someone and talking. Even though I've met these people I usually talk to them more online or on the phone than in person. I usually get most of my socal interaction from online. I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE THAT. I guess I'm saying that being so comfortable in the online setting reinforces my fear of talking to new people. I may start to think "Why do i need to meet people in person, when i can do it so much easier in real life." When you meet someone online there are different things you consider versus meeting them in person. Online you feel anxious about wheather the person is genuine, wonder if your exspectations of the person match who they are, feel anxious about seeing them for the first time or if you should at all, etc. In person you're concerned more with what you should say, how you should act, what the other person thinks about you. There is so much lacking in online interaction that I want so badly. I hope you can see this goes beyond dating to friendships. I've made friends with a lot of the guys that I went out on dates with. But I want to have friends for friends sake. I want my socail world to extend beyond the limits of chatting with people online and meeting up with someone every once in a while. I guess it could be better than the alternative:being completely alone. Meeting people online has helped me with interpersonal interaction a good deal. I hope that talking to and meeting people online helps me with my fear of talking to new people more than reinforcing it. I want to phase myself out of the online world and do it the old-fashioned way. I want to develop those skills because i feel like I get so much more out of that type of interaction. But as you can see I still do this in that I'm writing this blog now looking for feedback.

    What do you think about online dating or just meeting up with people online. Does it feel too staged versus meeting the passerbyer in the grocery store or at school that you know nothing about? Is it creepy? Can you fall in love this way? Is it more better than worse? Any wierd experiences with online interactions or meeting someone online in person?
     
  2. simon

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2007
    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    paraparaumu, new zealand
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    i say that you can date through online dating and other dating sites but don't just meet someone. unless it's through dating sites i'm kinda agianst it. the person could be a major creep
     
  3. Maddy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2008
    Messages:
    2,633
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    This past weekend I met up with a girl I'd met online. It wasn't online dating, though, it was the website of a group that organises events for queer youth. I think if you're really careful and you're 100% certain the person is for real, it's fine, but don't just rush into it.
     
  4. pwnorton

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2008
    Messages:
    101
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    I posted something in the Support and Advice section about someone i met online. he was a total creep. here's what i wrote:

     
    #4 pwnorton, May 13, 2008
    Last edited: May 13, 2008
  5. JSG

    JSG Guest

    I dunno, I've come across quite a lot of guys on the net mainly interested in sex, nothing surprising there.
    I guess I'm not paranoid enough.
    I met my (wonderful) bf on the net and a few other guys and every single time it went pretty well (apart from the fact that I didn't like most of them...)
    I know there is a slight risk, but that goes for anything...
     
  6. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think the question you're asking is a good one, which I read as basically (to simplify and summarise somewhat), "Should people do most of their socialising online?"

    My answer would be no. While I don't think there's anything wrong with socialising on the Internet, getting to know people on the Internet, finding dates and/or sex on the Internet, making friends online, I do think it becomes problematic if that's the ONLY arena you're socialising in, or even just the major one.

    I say this as someone who has met some terrific people online and made some amazing friends. But interacting online (so far) is a far more limited type of interaction than interacting in person, even if you're doing full real-time video chat. And I think sticking to online interaction is a way of playing it safe for a lot of people.

    There is so much more to being human than simply text. (And I say this as someone who loves communicating via the written word.) There is so much nuance and meaning and... humanity that is lost when everything is digitised and transmitted at the speed of light, no matter what the resolution of one's webcam. To start with, there's the entire 3rd spatial dimension, plus taste, touch, and smell. Probably especially touch. You can't hug someone online. I think a lot of us are probably pretty starved for tactile human contact—I know I sure am.

    Yes, interacting in person is definitely more high stakes than interacting online, because there's less of a sense of control. But control is often an illusion—at the end of the day, unexpected things happen, uncomfortable things get said, mistakes are made. It's part of the human experience—sometimes things go sideways and we have to learn to cope with that. It's never fun but it is necessary, I think, to develop and advance ourselves.

    So I think it's good you're bothering to ask questions and wonder about whether interacting with people in a primarily online setting is a good thing. I think your instinct is correct, and that maybe it's time to get out into the non-computer mediated world. As for advice, well... basically give yourself a lot of slack and leeway. Trust that you will make mistakes, as will others, and be as forgiving of those mistakes as possible. Try to give everyone, including you, the benefit of the doubt (at least initially). And remember that, in many ways, everyone is in the same boat.

    And don't be afraid of being honest about your qualms about doing the in-person thing. A lot of times you'll be surprised how being open with people will encourage others to be open with you.
     
  7. 24601

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2007
    Messages:
    502
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
    I really don't like socializing on the internet, although that's where I do most of it. It's just the easiest way for me to talk to people when I'm at home. I don't get out as much as I wish I did, because of time constrictions, homework, and other complications.

    Friends, yes, you can definitely make friends on the internet. I've met a lot of really awesome people, on this site and others, and have made amazing friendships.

    Dating? I'm skeptical. I don't think online dating can really work long term. If two people are very devoted, then maybe, but I think it's highly unlikely. I think this is better left to the real world.
     
  8. Brandford

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Woodbridge, VA
    no
    idk
    yes
    i dont think so
    yes if u count falling in love twice
     
  9. Adryen

    Adryen Guest

    ive never done it. would try it. but it would take alot. and silly me, id probably be retarded and do research on it.
     
  10. theaterfreak

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2008
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    chattanooga, tn
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    i think it is possible to fall for somebody online, but it is few and far between and can still be quite dangerous.