1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

A bit of confusion regarding physical preferences

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gravechild, Aug 7, 2013.

  1. gravechild

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,425
    Likes Received:
    110
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So it's no surprised that I'm genuinely attracted to men, and it took me forever to figure that out and accept it, even on a conscious level. I have a problem, and I think it might be related to defense mechanisms, but I find it difficult to find myself attracted to another man physically in person.

    I'll explain: when I watch men in porn, or anywhere their bodies are nude, that's where the focus is: the body. When I dream or fantasize, again, never the face, and always the body. The only time faces are involved are when it's an anime type yaoi or furry type picture or clip, but those aren't anywhere near human, let alone average human, faces.

    For a long time, the only guys I would find myself attracted to were extremely feminine, androgynous looking men, because, you know, it's easier to say "they look like women, so it doesn't count", even though you'd pick them over the female twin in a heart beat. Whenever the topic comes up over who is most attractive, with just faces, or clothed pictures, my brain goes blank. Is it that my preferences are naturally that narrow, or I'm now *allowing* myself the pleasure of checking average, ordinary men out, outside of sexual contexts, anyway.

    As for wandering eyes, I sometimes think I'm more drawn to certain personalities over looks alone. Naturally, I'm the wary type who is constantly scanning their surroundings, so this makes narrowing it down more difficult, but a lot of times, I find it more "acceptable" to check out women than men -- I'll usually *quickly* look away after a glance, and maybe take a second look when they're turned around, or something.

    Isn't it bizarre that I can imagine and get off to men in a sexual context, get those same warm, fuzzy feelings inside while imagining myself in a relationship with one, but have difficulty figuring out who/who exactly I'm attracted to, on a purely aesthetic level? Sure, I can tell you who is considered HOT, but who is hot for me? It could take a while longer to explore, and I'm hoping I'm not alone here...
     
  2. Tightrope

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    5,415
    Likes Received:
    387
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I guess anything is normal, really. I had the opposite problem. The type I liked was almost so specific, so that a few of my friends would say stuff like "I saw this guy (downtown, at the mall, on vacation) and I thought of you." Not that he looked like me, but that he was my "type."

    Check out whomever you are attracted to, unless it would be outright staring and make that person uncomfortable. I've done that a few times, twice of which were in college. I could tell it was not appreciated, but I didn't even realize it until the grimace set in on their faces.
     
  3. Spatula

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2012
    Messages:
    854
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Southeast US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I went through that issue when I first started thinking of myself as bisexual rather than "straight-but-open-minded".

    Two things sort of caused it for me. One, I'm really not much into human faces, just in general. I have a very strong furry fetish and I find anthro faces much more appealing. It's just that with women, I had a whole decade to sort of 'get used to' their faces since I found their bodies quite hot anyway. With men my brain still needed time to figure out how to get used to male faces. And now I mostly am used to them.

    The other thing is that porn doesn't judge you. Porn doesn't come with expectations. So anxieties that flare up when you're with another living, breathing human being for the first time aren't there to inhibit your attractions in the privacy of your room with a stash of porn you've been used to for a long time. Finding something attractive in porn doesn't necessarily translate to wanting it in real life, but I think if you want to translate any of those fantasies over to real life you just need to give your brain some time to shake off some anxieties. Experience and confidence will fix this problem you're having, I think. It did for me.

    Eh I wouldn't necessarily pick them over their female equivalent in a heartbeat. I'm strongly attracted to women still and I'd be pretty happy with either, quite honestly. The initial 'excitement' of finding and learning to control my same-sex attraction is gone and it's all just another day at the office for me at this point. At the time though yes, I was more interested in exploring this new dimension of myself when I learned of it.
     
    #3 Spatula, Aug 7, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2013
  4. gravechild

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,425
    Likes Received:
    110
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I suppose you have a point, and I've heard of bisexual shifts, sometimes lasting years. It's controversial, since there are gay men who admit they could feel attracted to the right woman, so the whole labeling is one of those subjective choices.

    It's just, lately, the gay label has seemed more appealing, now that women have taken a back seat, but honestly... I'd rather not think of that. You made a post on bisexuals having to battle with doubt.. that would explain my theory of many people choosing the path(s) of the least resistance!

    I'm wondering if this excitement will ever "wear off", or if I'm sold. It's been a few months already, and luckily, I might get my chance to experiment with someone of the same-sex soon. Bisexuality was an abstract idea years ago, but now that the reality is hitting, it's been quite the roller coaster.
     
    #4 gravechild, Aug 7, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2013