I'm leaving EC, I have to...

I really think I understand what you mean, especially about reading people's success stories. As happy as you are for them, you can't help but feel jealous and resentful. I'm sure things will work out for you though.

Remember that you'll always be welcomed back at EC with open arms if you change your mind or need any further help in the future, but if not then best of luck to you and I wish you all the happiness you deserve in your life. (&&&)

 

There's success and there's still despair. You don't have to leave EC. Come on if you ever need help. Someone somewhere at some point will be there to help you.

 

This is a great environment to spend time communication with fellow members of the LGBT community. Stay !

 

If you feel this is right, then do it. I hope that you find the things you are looking for, and I wish you the best.

And remember if you ever need to come back, we will be here.

 

You always have support here. I know it is rough. I felt so much pain for my son as he was looking for a relationship and was depressed. He found that special person when he was just over 25 he is nearly 28 now and they are very happy. What I'm trying to say is don't give up. It will.happen. these r same things I told my son. I'm also saying u have touched my heart n I will be thinking about you. If you don't mind thendrop me a line occasionally n let me know how ur doing.

 

Well, it's true in the sense that we can't just have a gift-wrapped boyfriend sent to your door.

In all other senses... I respectfully disagree. Sure, sometimes success stories can be intimidating. When I came here first, 25, out only to myself, scared that I would never find love and acceptance, all those stories seemed like they came from people who would never understand how hard it was for me.

And sure, with my lifestyle and outlook back then, it was never going to happen for me.
So I could do one of two things:
- Throw my hands in the air and give up
- Decide that if my lifestyle wasn't going to get what I wanted, then it had to change

And I can hear you say "oh, you could change, but I can't. I'd better give up". But that's utterly and completely wrong. You already changed. You came out to people. you actually went out to talk to GLBT people. If I were to go back in time one or two years and told you you'd do that, would you have believed me?
I like to think EC played some part in this. Not by helping you directly, but by giving some pointers how to help yourself.

By all means, take some time out. But if you do get back, then maybe try to look at success stories in another light. Don't see them as "I can never hav that!", but as "Hmm, what did these people do to make it work, and how can I repeat that?"

 

We can still be here for you, whenever you have questions, need advice or support

 

Well, Filip said the gist of what I was going to put, except much more well-written than I ever could have.

The thing is it's easy to come on here and read counts of people having good things happen in their lives and think that they have them because they aren't stuck where many of us are. And unfortunately, that's not true. For the most part, people here all have pretty crappy lives. You could extend that ideal out to most of the world, actually. The key is that everyone has a terrible life if you only focus on all the negatives within it.

I come on here and read quite often about people ranting, venting, and generally complaining about how miserable their lives are. And you know what, that's what EC is here for for a lot of people, and I'm glad that people find a place they can honestly talk about how they're feeling. On the other hand, I try and make a point of not always making negative posts when I talk about personal things on here. I'd like to think the positivity helps take the focus off of the bad in everyone else's lives and helps me to focus on what's good in mine.

The point I'm trying to get at is not to tell people to stop venting on EC, but rather it's easy to fall into a pattern - a mindset, even - of negativity when that's predominately what one uses the site for. And it's hard for me to watch, because there's very little I can say or do to bring someone out of that funk. In psychological terms, that phenomenon is called "negativity dominance", and it's completely natural but a total bitch for people to deal with.

It's a mentality. Life is not easy; never has been, never will be. And honestly, an easy life is not one worth living. Life is about challenges and about growing as a person - whether it be physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, etc. And as much as society tells me having a boyfriend would be awesome, so long as I adopt that mentality a boyfriend doesn't need to fit into there if I choose not to.

I'm not going to tell you you need to stay, because maybe you really don't need to. Maybe it really would be best if you left. But I think what I wrote is something everyone on here can find value in reading, since it is applicable to nearly everyone.

Regardless where you go and what you do, the best of luck to you. We'll be here if you change your mind.

 

I can relate to how you may feel I feel really stuck at the moment myself like in that hole where I cannot see how to get out. End of the day if something making you feel worst it best to go with instinct even though it a shame that you are at the stage that are leaving.

All I will say is I hope one day you will be able to feel more happy about yourself even have you own success story and your always welcome here like others said if you ever feel like coming back or need advice.

 

Life is what you make it! I am probably one of those people that makes you feel worse. I have a lot going good in my life, but the bad is there always. All of us have problems, you just don't see what is hidden behind closed doors. If you met me on the street and saw Mike and I together you would think we have it all, but we don't. Life is a bunch of compromise. You do the best you can and press on. Nobody gets it all! Or life would have no balance. I am sorry you are leaving, but you might come back when you need us. Good luck out there! June

 

I know how you feel. The success stories tend to stab at my heart a bit because I've never even been on a date with anyone. I mean, it seems like whenever I see my friends or family in a relationship with someone, I get this strong feeling of dread for myself in the pit of my stomach. But! If you are willing to say what's bothering you exactly, maybe we can help. If you would rather not say though, we'll understand.

 

Meh. I think too many people here have this "woah is me" complex. I have to come for stints at a time so I don't get depressed. I left once because the threads I opened about my issues were either to complicated or just not responded to, so I only felt like I was doing service with no return. Why I came back is the gift and the curse. I like helping people. If I can be what other guys were for me when I needed to hear what I heard, then sign me up. There was a site called Connexion that closed down but that's where I really found out it was okay to be who I was and that being gay wasn't all about having unprotected sex and commonly accepted gay mannerisms. It was the first time I started talking to.. "real gay people" with "real" challenges and real patriotism toward furthering our political rights. It was eye opening. If I can do that for one kid that felt like I did, it's worth all the time I spend here. After reading what you wrote, it sounds like you wished you were on a dating site. And that's essentially what Connexion was while it was all of the things EC is. I mean, I don't know what to say other than good luck. And just do yourself a favor and stop being the victim. It's a blessing to be alive. It's a blessing to be able bodied. There's a lot to be thankful for and if you think you whole world is crashing down at 23 years old, forgive me for saying you need to get a grip. Continue the journey of loving yourself and when you feel better, you should come on back.. just like I did. I mean, I really don't want to come off as mean or anything, but.. when I left..I just....went. I didn't feel like I needed to do a thread to draw attention to myself. That may be the right thing for you I guess, but to me..until the kids and grown people here learn how to toughen up mentally and find the good in who you are, you'll be in for a pretty tough existence. My friend Franklin came here and he's the EXACT opposite of what I had. I had an accepting family. He had a family that put him out. I had good experiences with guys. He had guys that wanted to disrespect him physically and mentally. And you know what? His attitude is golden. I think he's the strongest person I know for the things he's endured over the 5 years we've been friends. I admire him. So a lot of why you're here should be for other people. Because you just never know the affect you could have on someone else.

 

It's unfortunate yo feel this way. And if you really feel leaving EC will help you progress toward your goals, then maybe that's what you need to do. As others have said, best of luck and if you ever want to come back for any reason, EC will welcome you back with open arms.

That said...

Very little in life comes without work. The life you want for yourself, whatever that might be, is not just going to drop into your lap with no effort on your part.

If you're leaving EC to sort of regroup or rethink or because you feel another approach to building the kind of life you want may work better for you, then more power to you. But if leaving is just part of (as you put it) 'throwing your hands in the air and giving up', then unfortunately the odds of your life going in the direction you would like as a result are very low. Not trying to be unsupportive here, just pointing out the facts.

Whether you stay on EC or not, I would suggest that you sit down and have a long think about what exactly you want in life and whether you are willing to do the work to get it.

If the answer is 'no' in some cases, then either rethink your position or change your goal to something you can work toward. If the answer is 'yes' then it becomes a matter of figuring out the exact series of tasks required to achieve the goal. Lay those out and be willing to do them and you can achieve the desired goal or at least raise the odds of achieving it as high as you can.

Todd