Excuse me if the title came off offensive or wrong. If someone would like me to change it, I will gladly do so. Okay, so there's a debate on this specific issue and i wanted to know what you guys thought of it. someone said that they think If a lesbian is dating an FTM or a Transman (i'm trying to get some terms right so excuse me if these are wrong) that it would mean, the lesbian wouldn't be respecting their gender because they thought, the lesbian would still see them as a female and that if she still identified herself as lesbian, it delegitimize their identity or something so I want to know where you stand on this issue. Do you think a lesbian can date an FTM or transman (as some would prefer) and still identify as lesbian while respecting the persons gender? A lot get really pissed off about this for some reason. They think, They are disrespecting their gender which I mean, ...I don't know. I just think, If they use male pronouns and Love you for who you are regardless of whether or not your FTM or whatever that, how they identify shouldn't matter. If they care about you, love you, Respect you then why should how they identify matter but on a different note, I mean...,I don't know, I'm sure, there are some lesbians who would might be disrespectful towards the other persons gender I just need more clarification and opinions on this issues. Again, Please correct me on anything that seems out of place and I will fix it.
Um... I'd be put off, honestly. I suppose if I clicked with a woman, she was my type, and fell for her, how she identifies on the orientation level would matter little. But it's the idea that's iffy to me because as a transman what it suggests is that I'm a demi-man, persay, that I'm still female enough to be considered one by dating partners and even if I'm respected as a man in the relationship, there's always going to be that element of "oh, she doesn't like men and she probably doesn't think I'm a real man in the first place..." Call it insecurity but I'd prefer a dating partner who's attracted to men in the first place and won't consider me the special "part female" exception.
Hm.... That's an interesting way to look at it. I've never thought about that. Honestly, though, I don't think it's disrespectful. If a lesbian likes a transman's personality and calls him by his preferred pronouns, that's pretty respectful. I think it's entirely possible to love the sex while respecting the gender. With transpeople, it's the reality of the world we live in. Everything's pretty confusing when it comes to relationships.
would also how they appear be an issue?, It seems ...it would....for me, I think ...people are taking this as....before transitioning then after. You know? so I guess, it's split here but as a whole? I don't think, that's true. I mean, Your putting a whole group in here and that's not fair for every lesbian, ya know? because not every lesbian is the same
It really depends on the person. It could be a fetish, in which case, it's disrespectful, I think. Some people have a trans fetish, which I personally feel is pretty insulting.
well yeah, but I mean...it does depend on the person and a fetish is insulting to me as well but if someone truly loved someone who was FTM.....i mean, why should how the girl identifies matter? I think, how she identifies is up to her and nobody else. I don't it's being disrespectful in my opinion, some Women can be disrespectful but were talking about as a whole here....like....i mean. Just because i'm lesbian, doesn't mean ...i'm going to avoid FTMs or men in general. it's like, if you fall for someone, you fall for someone (FTM or not) and it's something you can't help....and what if that person truly loved you and you had feelings for them back, ....would you really not date them because how they identified?
Yeah. I've encountered a number of trans* chasers through my time online. Believe me, not only is the experience unsavory and creepy but overall, dehumanizing. I, and I think I can safely say this for every trans* person, would like to, for once be seen and respected as the identified gender without being treated like an alien or a science experiment. So going back to your original point, Mer, I wouldn't say it's always a terrible thing. I think if whoever I'm dating was able to respect my gender identity and we ended up clicking, I could look past their sexuality. I'd also like to say that I'd take the same issues if I dated a man who typically identified as straight. If he's able to respect my gender and I can be convinced he's not forever going to see me as a woman, I could potentially go for him. But it's the above mentioned that I'd prefer if my partner was either a straight or bi/pan sexual woman or a gay/bisexual man.
Yeah, its just...a lot of people, i've talked to (on a different forum) say they avoid lesbians, like...why avoid them? ....they aren't doing anything to you, its not like all of them want to date you or whatever. its stupid. to avoid a group of people, that's stupid.
Pretty much this. Several of the people I've come out to have asked me all kinds of weird questions. I'm not a private Q&A session. I'm a fucking person. My husband, though, is very accepting, despite being a straight guy. Now, if I were to ever date a lesbian, I don't think it would bother me as long as she didn't treat my gender like it's a big deal and didn't call me her girlfriend or refer to me using female pronouns. Yes, I have a vagina. Yes, I plan on keeping it. No, it doesn't make me less of a man. No, it's not polite to make a big deal out of it.
I'd be put off if a lesbian was dating me as a woman, saw me as a woman etc. However, if a woman who usually dated women was interested me, and she was interested in me as a man, even though that didn't usually happen, I'd be fine. I mean, sometimes sexuality is just a little fluid. And sometimes people fall for people they aren't sexually attracted to, asexuals are proof of that. Anyway, I doubt anyone would see me as a woman. I don't look like one.
Well, right. Shouldn't stereotype anyone. But call it conditioning. I actually prefer dating people involved in the queer community, for really no reason other than having ties to the same community, so I imagine, for me, it's not impossible that I could fall for a lesbian woman.
