Although I have no qualms about which gender I am, the concept of transitioning actually fascinates me, especially the changes using hormones. I have absolutely no doubt that I am female, inside and out, but I guess it's the sociologist in me that really finds the whole process interesting. Does anyone else feel like this?
Yep, its a fascinating process how hormones can change and adapt a body so much, I've done lots of research into it all out of interest and to figure myself out too
Given that transition is something I'm actually going through, I doubt this question applies to me. So I'm just posting to say that if you'd like to ask any question, go ahead. I research everything to a ridiculous extent, so I probably know more than most when it comes to transition.
How does transitioning feels emotionaly? I saw at a video, a guy(trans) explaining how hormones changed the emotional lenses throught with he sees the world, im not 100% sure what was he talking about, do this sound familiar to you?if yes, could you explain? Another question: how does dysphoria feels?
One day I will go thru the process myself. I have been on t before for a short while but couldnt do it anymore. I'm saving for top surgery tho. hope to have enough in months from now.
You might find this interesting List of transgender-related topics - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I can answer the latter, being that it's something I'm coping with now. To me, it tends to manifest as a nagging feeling. I feel I should have a male body- flat chest, slim hips, masculine face, penis, etc. My body disagrees and as I go about my day, I feel everything wrong with my body. The curve of hips if I happen to feel them. My breasts bouncing as I walk. A glance in the mirror, if I'm not prepared for it, can kill the entire day. Hearing a high, feminine voice coming out of my throat, I wonder why I still bother to speak. And a little TMI but I can't even get off because I don't have a penis and the idea of sex in this body makes me sick. Sometimes it's a mild irritation and I can generally ignore these feelings. Other days, as lately, it's crushing enough to depress me or I'm literally sitting in the corner hyperventilating. Dysphoria's felt differently by any trans* individual, since it's a personal experience, but hope that helped shed some insight. In short, it's perception of one's self versus the reality of their physical (or even social) self. ---------- Post added 13th Aug 2013 at 11:12 AM ---------- And as for the OP, I'm afraid I can't offer anything substantial since I'm not transitioning myself but I'll share some resources as I find them. I'll admit, the entire process fascinates me as well, but perhaps for personal reasonings. MtF transition, though, is on the other side of the pond but their process is something that intrigues me, though I've got no personal ties.
When testosterone lost its grip on me for the first time I noticed that I was lacking some primal instinctive urges that it can create, I began to perceive people in a much more equal clearer way. At first I thought it was me perceiving as females as much more bland and of less interest, but after further processing I just had more balanced perceptions. For me that's a good thing because for me intimacy is more about that strong bond I get with a really good friend that I can be open with. I much prefer to have things progress that way. Its less about gender and the physical things and more about who people are on the inside for me. And the primal urges testosterone was giving me was a minor annoyance that was stunting my progress. So it was a very welcome change for me.
Yeah, that sounds familiar. Firstly, there is a kind of emotional switch that I've noticed, and I've heard others speak about. When something bad happens on a personal level, there is an instinct to either cry or get angry. And more often, women get tearful and men get angry. That isn't to say that men can't cry or women can't get angry, certainly not. But more often, I think that can be a secondary reaction. I certainly felt that switch. Its not like anger is suddenly uncontrollable or anything... but when, for instance, I encounter someone who is verbally abusive towards me, I will immediately get angry, where in the past I would have gotten upset. Also, in more general terms, I do feel my emotions have changed, though its hard to explain how. I was going to say that I am less emotional, but I don't think thats entirely true. I certainly express my emotions less, but that might be related to socialisation rather than hormonal changes. Dysphoria may feel different for others, but this is how it felt for me: there was a general sense of hatred for my body, and also kind of a sense of betrayal, that was exacerbated by the fact that many others in my life had betrayed me. I couldn't even trust my body not to betray me. And... when I looked at myself, my body seemed all wrong, and disgusting. Also, dysphoria isn't always just physical. There is an element of dysphoria associated with how people interact with you. If people interact with you as though you're the wrong gender, that can feel pretty bad as well. Kind of like you don't exist, or nobody will recognise that you do.
It fascinates (and terrifies) me too! Mostly since transitioning is a definite possibility in the future, and there are many, many repercussions for a transperson of color living in the US. If given the choice of living a lie for the rest of my life, though, and experiencing a shortened life but out and free to be myself, though, I'd go with the latter. Easier said than done, I know.
Ive had quite a few people, mostly friends, that just look thru old pics of me or even just watching me over the last 17 months on hormones, and they are just blown away by the changes Ive had so far. I myself am even surprised as well. I think it's normal to be fascinated by the changes that happen from transitioning, as it is something that most people really dont get to see, with the media in our world, such as daytime talk shows that feature this topic, they only show the before & after, but not the during. It is quite a fascinating process to witness. I know I have been steadily watching myself & Im just so enthralled by how my body has changed & how much it still has to change! If youre interested, check out my transition pics here on EC
Ok, now i understand better. Thanks!....yea, i'm beginning to imagine the people insisting on using the wrong pronouns.
If you don't mind me asking, how long have you felt this way? Did you feel it even as a little kid? Has it changed over time?
I've felt this to some degree since puberty. As a kid, I suppose I had no gender conflicts besides wishing I was one of the boys. Puberty, I just remember feeling detatched from my body and remember being envious of male puberty but knowing I couldn't do anything about what I was going through and figured it was normal for most cis lesbian women to not feel like a "woman". Lately, as I've come to terms with my gender, the dysphoria's gotten worse. I suppose I never hated my body before questioning but I would've willingly traded it any day for a man's. In fact, I spent my entire life being jealous of my brother because he was a man, even though I knew my assigned gender wasn't holding me back from, say, becoming a physicist. So gender conflict's been there since I was a kid, I just didn't notice it or confront it until earlier this year.
I know the situation is different coming from a white-passing TPOC in Australia, but I had a lot of concerns about transitioning in regards to safety and my culture, too. Genderqueers and non-conforming genders don't exist in mine so there was always this feeling of dissociation and erasure, but I'm working through it. I'm sure I also benefit from FAAB genderqueer privileges, especially with colour. A Latina transwoman my age would probably suffer worse consequences, unfortunately. I'm unsure of exact statistics in the States, but there's very prominent organizations nationwide for trans* people of colour, and I've seen a lot of exposure and media provided for the TPOC demographic (US centric). You're definitely not alone in the process though given being a minority within a minority. There's really good resources out there, as terrifying as the process may be. It's worth looking into. As for OP, yeah, transitioning fascinates me also. I've only been on hormones for a short 2 months, but I've grown to become a lot more comfortable in my body thus far. The biochemistry that comes with hormones and transitioning itself is so captivating to me, particularly how it shapes and molds the body itself, both psychologically and physically. Very cool things indeed.
Yeah, have to say, it was actually learning about the transition process that made me question my gender. Knowing that injecting hormones and getting surgery could actually make me look like a cisman over a relatively short period of time had me going "Sign me the fuck up ASAP". And that's when, taking into account how you've felt your whole life, you know something's up...
