Unfortunately, they're exactly as I expected. Visited my brother this week in a very "open" area of Long Beach, there are multiple gay bars there so he showed me around. They're almost identical my stereotypical fantasy of them. Dozens of flamboyant men, predominantly older (say 30+) cuddling, dancing, rubbing up on each other. Literally! I saw at least 5 different 'couples' that looked like they were about to tear each other's clothes off right there in the bar. Keep in mind this was the result after going to about 6 different gay bars on different sides of the town. Except for one that was a "bear" gay bar, which was just worse for me because I don't like big hairy dudes. I scoped out just about every single guy there and I felt no attraction to any what so ever. It feels like I'm never going to find any guy around my age, who is either bi or gay, and has a demeanor I like about them. The only place I've even come close is online, and they're usually across the country.
I found some of those in supposed 'lesbian bar'. Apparently they're somewhat different from the 'gay' bars. Less blaring techno music and lights, more of a bright atmosphere.
I would hate to say it, but I suspect the kind of relationship you are looking for isn't the kind that starts in a bar, perhaps a social group that has weekend outings together might more to your liking?
I don't hate to say it, does it suprise you that this is the case? If you wanted a regular bar atmosphere you go to a regular bar, being gay doesn't change that. A gay-specific bar is going to cater specifically to the kind of things people think go on in a gay-bar or it would just be a bar with some gay people in it.
I wouldn't let it totally put you off. I am just awestruck that it was actually so stereotypical. I never expected anything that cliche, at all. As we began coming up to the bar door and I heard "Love Will Find You" by Journey echoing and saw multicolored lights flashing I thought to myself "There is no f*cking way that shit is seriously happening." It isn't. But I had to start somewhere. This is my first big homosexual experience, I never expected it to be so shallow. The latter is exactly what I expected! A somewhat average bar where homosexual or bisexual people could be open and unafraid to socialize. That's like saying if you want to date non-flamboyant guys who don't wear V-necks and constricting jeans/shorts, then hopelessly chase after straight guys who don't shop at Old Navy and hope some of them are gay or bi.
Or look up bars in the 'gay scene' as it were. There are plenty of regular bars that tend to be popular WITH gay people for one reason or another without being like the gay-bars you have been taken to. Maybe it just has less homophobes than other bars or it sells nicer drinks, who knows. Go to a gay-friendly bar rather than a gay bar. I'm not saying hopelessly chase after straight guys but you run that risk anyway. If you were straight and chasing girls you would still be chasing after one and hoping to hell they weren't a lesbian! I realise the odds are stacked less in your favour this way round but still...
It just seems so contradicting that many gay men don't want to be placed into a label of wrist-flicking, lisp-speaking, horndogs, yet, the bars consist of the exact same stereotypes. That defeats the purpose of gay bars. A place for homosexuals to openly socialize without having to second guess "Is that guy into dudes" or "Is that girl into chicks." I proceeded to go to regular bars after the events. And I was right back in the same boat. "That guy is kinda cute, but I can't do anything because it'll either go extremely well and he likes guys. Or it goes extremely bad and I get my ass beat into the ground by a group of homophobes." I'm not willing to risk it. It's just a big disappointment, I figured this would be a huge turning point towards finding someone I can relate to.
Which is why a lot of people have some sort of indicator, be it a rainbow something or other or what have you.
Hmm maybe you could try going to gay bars in a different area? Are lesbian bars like this too? (Please say no)
it's not that bad when I go although I haven't been in a few months but am sure it don't change that much if people did get fresh with one another it would be in a dark corner .
There's a pub called "fairy pub" with a rainbow next to the name on the sign, near where I used to go to school. It looks just like your average pub and the people are your average pubpeople...
I just spent the weekend in San Diego. While there, my friend Susan and I took her son and his boyfriend out for drinks. We started at Urban Mo's, which was very busy and had really loud music. We had to shout at each other while trying to have a conversation. I found the crowd to be very mixed as far as "types" of people there. But we ended up going to Number One Fifth Avenue. It has a kind of "corner bar" atmosphere. Again, a mix of people having a good time. We were there for a couple of hours and had a wonderful time. I will say this, though. Gay bars are THE place that "stereotypical" LGBT people can go and be themselves without fear of ridicule or judgment. It's a shame that too many of our own don't recognize that and are put off by the limp wrists, etc. when they go into our own safe havens.
Oh, the irony. You went to a club, didn't talk to anyone or tried to start a conversation, and then labeled EVERYONE in the club as undesirable because they don't look or act the way you do. You have no idea who they are as people, what their hobbies are or what their lives look like. You just simply put everyone into being the horrible "wrist-flicking, lisp-speaking, horndogs" that you assume they are based on your 5 second impression. If you don't like the club scene then that's fine, but don't try to put everyone else below you simply because they don't conform to your expectations of what a gay man should look and act like.
I'd say your expectations were probably a bit too high. "Could this be the place where my life turns around?" is a terribly high expectation, and one no place, and definitely not a bar, could ever fill. Also, in my experience, it's kind of hard to meet interesting people by just bumping into them. Many friends I met were through people who were, at best, acquaintances. The kind you don't precisely hate talking to, but who you won't search out. But then one day you mention an interest, and they say "oh, I should totally introduce you to [X]. He is always going on about the exact same hobby!". Thing is: [X] could be a new best friend in the making, but you would have never met him if it wasn't for some smalltalk with an acquaintance. Applying that to bars: let's assume I'm your soulmate (be that either on a deep friendship or romantic level). Then you'll have a tough time finding me in any bar. Who you WILL find in a bar is one of my gay friends who is a huge barfly. And sure, he might not be your type and appear horribly shallow and stereotypical to you. But if you were to take the time and talk to my friend you'd find that first and foremost, he's pretty fun to just have smalltalk with. And secondly, he knows a ton of people you'd never find in the bar. Now, I'm not saying you should be focusing on bars. If they're not your scene, they're not your scene. Just like how I'll occasionally visit one, but rarely just go there to hang out when I could be doing other stuff. The general advice applies, though. Meeting lots of people in different settings is not guaranteed to get you soulmates immediately. But people know people and the more people you know, the more people they know etc. Plus, it also helps to be somewhat out. People knowing you're gay tend to think about "who else I know is gay?".
You're making random assumptions. I'd kindly appreciate it if you didn't put words in my mouth, or rather, in my post. I did actually talk, and converse, with quite a few. Some of them were pretty nice, just not my type for dating, as I told them. A lot of them met my stereotypical out-view of a common gay bar and it's inhabitants. They were obnoxious as possible and kept pushing subject of sex. Seriously, every single one had asked me if I was a virgin up front, then went on to make some puns about it when I told them "yes." As if it was a major shock I had not received or given anal sex. Most were not interested in talks of hobbies. They weren't nightclubs, they were bars. Is a bar for homosexuals to go and openly socialize without fear of homophobes now constituted as a "club scene"? Of course, according to stereotypes it is. When did I put anyone below me? You act like I am trying to attack someone. I'm merely expressing how shocked I was to see such a true stereotype in the active world. I simply am not attracted to flamboyant men, I have nothing against them until they try to throw themselves on me when I advise them otherwise. I don't expect anyone to conform to any of my expectations, I just wasn't expecting the over-the-top stereotype of gay bars in movies to be a mirror image of real life ones. Many other guys and women had informed me a lot of gay bars are, in fact, not like that, and it's all exaggeration. My reasoning for that is because bars, in my experience, are a great socializing experience. I've met many friends at bars who are just as pleasant sober as they were when they were drunk at the time of meeting. I figured it would open me to a whole new network of socializing, leaning towards the gay community. I wasn't really looking for a soul mate or anything like that, just friends and connections. I was hoping maybe I'd find someone I could begin dating with to get the feel of things, but that was a long shot. On the contrary one of my brother's closest friends was fairly flamboyant, he was very pleasant and even bought me a drink. Whether he was flamboyant or not, he was cordial. He didn't act like the only thing he wanted was to get in my pants which was a nice change from the other men trying to speak to me there.
