before anything i should point out that i'm absolutely unexperience sexually(i'm not very good at dating so... :/ ) I have heard, and read about how usuallysomeone in a FWB develop feelings toward the other...my question is: how do you keep things friendly and casual? how do you avoid getting feelings/ producing feelings in the other person? what are the Do's and Dont's in this regard? in case you/the other person develop feelings...what do you do? Also, how do you actually initiate/propose/suggest a FWB? im lost at this Have you had a succesfull FWB? what kind of FWB was it? (more friendly than sexual or more sexual than friendly...im specialy interested in the former, with i suppose might be the harder to keep stable) If i said anything that sounds stupid to you remember... I'm an absolute virgin.
Well, I suppose the best way to prevent anything would be to not have a friend with benefits. Other than that... just try not to get too attached, I guess. If feelings show up, distance yourself for a little bit.
yes av had one :eek: I was kind of feeling a bit down and it was a good friend & we were both single it happened a few times and neither of us got emotionally attached .
Brother, I wish I had advice on this. I have dealt with people who have had sexual partners; some of them avoided developing feelings, and that was mutual; some of them didn't develop feelings but their partners did, or they did but their partners did not. To be honest, I believe that friends with benefits relationships are ethically difficult, but not impossible. I've seen it done successfully. I think it's just important to start with friendship. Be a gentleman. Care. But at the same time, try to be open about your desires. If they are not shared, you can move on. Realize that it's not going to be possible to avoid hurting people sometimes, because you can't anticipate their level of emotional investment (just as many of the ladies you will be looking to experiment with may not be able to know where they will be at emotionally at a future time). If you allow yourself to be totally controlled by the fear of hurting someone's feelings, you won't be able to play this game at all. Sex and romance, as you know, are endeavors fraught with danger. You just have to be a caring, considerate gentleman and see how far that takes you. Go get 'em, tiger.
You need to have a certain outlook on sex in order to make this work. Same with your partner. Ideally, he/she should be someone who likes sex for the sake of sex (because it's pleasurable and fun), has a high sex drive, isn't clingy, has a busy life, and is looking for consensual fun in the sack. You should also know them before starting the relationship, but it shouldn't be a really close friend. Preferable someone you don't see every day (to avoid any awkward situations). It's a better arrangement than 1 night stands (because it implies some regularity), and much safer, so it's worth looking into. Here are some articles: 3 Ways to Start a Friends With Benefits Relationship - wikiHow 25 Friends with Benefits Rules to Remember - Lovepanky Friends With Benefits - AskMen Good luck our straight ally!!!
Thanks Yes i suppose falling in love is already risky, having a relationship of any sort is risky, having any emotional investment in someone is risky, even having platonic sexless friendships is risky....hell! Even being lonely can hurt... So, maybe the thing is to play carefully, being aware of others emotions at all moments, seeing where are those emotions going/how do they develop. Again thanks formyour insightful response
i'm not trying to a offend anybody but.. I absolutely hate the whole ''friends with benefits'' thing. I attach love to sex. It's a huge deal for me. For me to share my self with someone else it has to have feelings with it or it wont mean anything to me. I'm also a virgin but I know thats just how I am.
I'm a virgin too, but I don't think it's possible to have a FWB relationship without developing some kind of feelings. I just can't imagine it.
I second this. Being in a relationship, sex is very, very bonding by design. When you orgasm, your body is flooded with hormones, and one of them is oxytocin. Oxytocin is known colloquially (Hooked on Phonix) as the "Bonding Chemical." When a woman gives birth, breastfeeds, or a person male or female has an orgasm, this is one of the chemicals released which bonds him or her to the other person. If I tried to have no-strings-attached sex, I'd get too attached because I'm used to making love, not just having sex. Maybe it's a holdover from being raised in a church, but I think there's more to sex than just using a couple body parts and causing your nervous system to make the muscles in your penis spasm creating a huge mess.
Yeah, sex to me is pretty much the most emotionally intimate thing I could do with someone and I'd just feel weird doing it with someone who I didn't have strong feelings for. The thought of just hooking up with someone and leaving right after with no feelings is something I wouldn't enjoy.
I think you'll find being sexually inexperienced doesn't lend well to FWB arrangements..> People in those kind of arrangements (when it works...) are usually not the kind of people who get very attached, or get their emotional fulfilment from somewhere else. At least from the people I know who do such things.
Well, people that are experienced, where inexperience at some point... Actually, my inexperience have been sustained by the fear of going throught the process of getting that experience. Also, i might not have personal experience, but i'm the kind of virgin who for some reason all my non virgin friends ask me for advice, i have 2 friends who are very experienced, and i have learned much from their mistakes, because i have been outside the emotional storm of dating i have been able to look at it from an outside perspective (while dating you are only aware of your current situation, and only partially, like trying to identify and object with is at one centimeter of your eye). And well, yes, there are risks when beginning anything, but the same will happen when i get to my first relationship. Beginnership has to happen a some point. I already survived being best friends with whom was my crush for a few months, now everything is cool, we are close friends and there isnt any emotional struggle. Actually, going throught the process of crushing on her made me emotionally stronger and even gave me a very useful skill: to appreciate the good things you are getting from a person (in the case with my ex-crush, friendship), and the good things you are giving to that person, instead of suffering for the things with that person isn't giving you(relationship) and that you didnt ever had with that person in the first place (you cannot lose what you dont have, you shouldnt be sad for something you werent sad before desiring it). Sort of like the glass half full vs the glass half empty perspectives. I understand what you are saying, actually i feel the same... That is precisely why i'm asking about FWB: a friendship (AKA human connection/bonds/ emotional connectivity) between 2 persons who happen to have phisical intimacy. And this is precisely why i'm not asking about one night stands: zero connection, just sex. And this is why i will never go to a prostitute. I need that emotional connection for having phisical intimacy.... Now, this might rise some question in you: "why dont you just wait till you have an exclusive relationship to have phisical intimacy?". Well, the thing is, i have a personal policies regarding relationships: because a monogamous relationship is something you have only with one person with who you are going to try to be forever with, then it is something you cannot have with just whoever random person. It have to be with an special person, a relationship is not the place to comform. So i will only go in a monogamous relationship with someone who is very special, someone so special that i cannot have right now cause i'm probably not at her league, so i will have to grow, i have to develop myself, i have to become a better version of myself, i have to be tenacious, and i have to actually find that person. The thing is.... All that requires time, and the two annoying bros, lonelyness and lust, wont wait, so in the mean time it would help a lot to have company and phisical intimacy, that is where FWB comes in. By the way, i should add some details: I dont intend to have FWB with a huge amount of women, just a few. FWB doesnt necesarily requires having actual sex (vaginal/anal) , i prefer not to have sex within a FWB, instead having only pre-sex phisical intimacy (touching, grabbing, fondling, handjobs, etc...). The reason why i prefer leaving it at that, is because of what awesome gaytheist mentioned . Another thing i plan for reducing the production of hormones is regulating the frequency: doing it only from time to time, going without phisical intimacy for as long as possible. And well, i will play it safe, as soon as emotions start developing, wether in her or in me, the phisical intimacy gets cut. monitorating each other's emotion regurlarly to knwo what is happening with each other. Being supportive, being empathic. Learning from mistakes. Talking, planning and setting boundaries. Anyhow, thanks for yourcritical opposition toward FWB i need the anti-FWB 's views as much as pro-FWB's views, as everything you have said made me think "what he sayd is true to some extent, under what conditions what he said doesnt apply or applies weaker.
Sounds like 'friends with benefits' is an oxymoron, then - all those points about how not to get attached would pretty much preclude having a real friendship with the person.
I don't have a problem with the term, or the acronym FWB. It gets the point across without having to use a sentence. These can really only work when both people want the same thing from the situation. They want to have regular access to sex, and with one person, as far as I know. It's easier when you would be friends with the person, even if there was no sexual component. I think that these work better with men . If a person tries to go into a FWB situation with women, they sometimes develop feelings and the way it ends can be ugly - the person without the feelings distances themselves, and the other person's feelings are hurt. My 2 cents.
