Tales from the closet: Funny & Awkward closet moments

Yup, in highschool I made a comment about how much I loved Madonna, and my girl friend turned to me and said "You'd make such an awesome gay guy. Shame you aren't!" HAHAHAHA I just smirked to myself. That was YEARS AGO but still kinda funny.

 

When I thought I was bi, my mom got wind that I was going to buy a copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, and she looked at me and said, "You don't want to see pictures of half-naked women, right?"

I replied, "Do you think I'm gay?"

Oh the irony.

 

My sister knows sign language so she often signs when she wants to annoy me. She was asking me questions that I didn't understand.

First I said yes to a question. Then I said no. She started laughing hysterically. Apparently, the first question was

Do you like boys?
And the next was do you like girls?

She said, don't worry I'll always love you even if you were gay.

 

Due to me always being close friends with girls, my sister and parents would always said I would have no problem at all getting myself a girlfriend and one day a wife... Meanwhile I'm just there chuckling to myself about it

 

My parents are always bugging me about why I don't have a girl friend and how even though I don't want kids now how my "future wife" will change my mind. I just kind of smile and chuckle to myself the whole way back to my room.

 

My dad took me to Hooter's. It was awful. The food was not even that good.

 

My dad would make gay jokes about this one boy living with our family. What my dad didn't know was that we were having oral sex and masturbating each other. I came out to dad a few years ago but never told him about me and T.

 

My friend once told me I had very homosexual tendencies when I made a comment about loving Idina Menzel. This same friend has been the most surprised out of everybody who I've come out to so far.

 

Well my sister's fiance (who does not know I'm trans) and I were talking one day, and he was all Wow...it's like you have a man brain. To which I told him, that's because I do. Then we high-fived each other and that was that. :lol:

Another one was, my sister and I were talking about how we have a lot of Uncles named Frank in our family. So her fiance was all, okay *enter-birth name here* you're going to change your name to Frank, and continue the tradition. I was like...pffft okay, sure. xD

 

:roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:


I'd say the most awkward closet moment I've ever had was at a bachelorette party. We were spending the weekend in Key West during bike week and the girls decided they wanted to go to a strip club just for the hell of it so we did. This random guy paid for all of us to sit front row. I was sooo freaked out by this point by the way. Still in denial but I felt like a hooker in church. Anyway I will edit most of it but wowwww. At one point I turned my head and I was laughing at the same time but the picture that one of the girls snapped right at that moment she was like... yea and I was grinning like there was no tomorrow. They were all laughing about the picture and I'm pretty sure I was red from head to toe. :lol:

 

I had this teacher who looked like a mouse, and I guy friend asked to to describe what she looked like... After he met her, and apparently decided she was extremely attractive, he looked at me and said "Well now we have proof that you're straight" (In a joking way, he had absolutely no idea XD)

 

Night before thanksgiving this girl and I were about the only ones still there in the cafeteria. Invited me to her room and we partied a bit and got high. At some point, she started feeling me up and i was "What are you doing??" I wanted to just run out of there, but that would be rude and awkward when i saw her again, so i just told her I'm gay. I guess the closet aspect ends here but...

She took it well at least and showed me some pics of her back home. A few minutes later, her dad walked in...with a dog, which is not allowed in the dorms. He was there to pick her up. She told him have a seat and passed him a joint. She didn't seem at all phased that if we had actually done it, her dad probably would've walked in on us.

 

Not so much saying something, but my brother consistently got in trouble for taking my Dad's old playboy magazines out of the garage...except he didn't even know where the box was... My Dad never suspected me, not once.

 

Before i "officially" came out and was at terms with my orientation me and some buddies (and my crush) were talking about girls. I said something like, "girls are icky" as a joke and then my crush was all, "what? you're gay" and i blushed and shrugged and so they all got the (correct) impression i was gay. I had to force myself back into the closet after that, though i didnt do that for my crush, for a "straight" guy he certainly kept sending back flirty signals after that. (lets just hope he learns that certain colors do NOT go together).

 

Technically my mom outed me to well me XD. If that makes any sense. I don't remember the status I had on my yahoo messenger but apparently she saw and asked if I liked girls. At the time I was like... I like everyone. After that she went on a story of saying she knew since I was a kid.

 

That's hilarious :3

 

I was working on a school project with a classmate at the time (I found out years later we were both gay, but both of us were closeted at the time and so we don't know about each other)

So our project (which was in D&T) was to make a backpack from scratch, and we were both pretty good drawers, and quite good with a sewing machine as well. So while we were working, a girl walked pass and said: "you guys should open a shop together, you'll be like Dolce and Gabbana!"

And I remember thinking: GURRL, if only you knew....

 

My wife thinks gay men are absolutely wonderful, and constantly tells people how great it would be to live with one, because the house would be so well-decorated and he would have such great fashion sense. The last time, I snickered a bit and pointed out what a stereotype it was, barely stopping myself before the comment "We're not ALL like that" nearly slipped out. Although a couple of her friends HAVE come back at her lately, saying that she has a "pretty well-dressed guy of her own" (at least in comparison to their husbands--not like I am a fashion plate or anything). And it goes completely over her head.

 

Here's a funny one.

It was during my second reenactment, prior to the initial presentation to the public. The other lads and I were getting dressed in our private room when my sergeant looks at me and says "Well, mister ****** I hope you enjoy buttsex. For, as we all know, the new guy's always the regiment's girlfriend during those long nights on campaign".

I couldn't help but give a nervous chuckle at that, though it went unnoticed due to the general laughs from the other chaps.