On the outside I seem like the most normal person. Yet in the inside I feel so different. I have had social anxiety disorder my whole life. I am bi . I have had depression, anxiety attacks, heart palpitations, hair loss, nightmares for weeks on end and insomnia. I also have a fear of intimacy, so never want to be in a relationship with either gender and want to be a virgin my whole life. I haven’t told any of my friends about this side to me. However, because I don’t share who I am my friends don’t seem to understand how things they say hurt me. For example, when I tested the waters with one friend asking what she thought of homosexuality, she replied “I might not be comfortable being friends if my friend was gay. Some I don’t mind but others just get on my nerves.” Then later when I asked if she would break a friendship over that she said yes. :icon_sad: Another buddy got upset as I said I needed to be off of facebook to work on my studies, work and learning to drive. A friend of my told me she sent an e-mail to her saying that I seemed to care for trivial things more than friendship. (She doesn’t know I went offline due to social anxiety) I know it sounds bad, but I honestly don’t even want to friends if I have to pretend to be straight and happy all the time. I just want to be me. Do you have an suggestions on what I should do?
I totally get the social anxiety thing, although yours sounds like it's probably worse than mine... I sort of started getting around it through a required speech class actually. We had to do a lipsync and I realized that if I got really in character I could completely separate my own feelings from the character's. I started doing more acting and I sort of used it as a way to talk about my feelings, except through a script so no one knew I had a personal reason for everything I said. It helped me get used to talking about things and eventually I was able to say "yeah, you know that monologue I did last month, I can kind of see where that character's coming from." So for me acting was helpful, and theatre people tend to more accepting so there's that... Other than that, I figured out that it helps to tell people things piece by piece. Acting isn't something everyone can get into, I understand that. But I would suggest maybe talking to your friends about a book you read that has a character who has something in common with you, so you can at least hint at the subject without worrying about connecting it back to yourself. Once you get more comfortable with the subject you might be able to slowly start connecting it back to yourself. It takes time, but any friend who matters is someone who can be patient and take the time to listen to you and let you explain things on your own time. One more thing, people who seem happy ALL THE TIME usually aren't. Everyone has their ups and downs, and if you let people see a little of the down every now and then it makes them feel like a closer friend, because it shows that you can be yourself around them. Pretending to be happy all the time gets tiring, let yourself off the hook occasionally, even just for a few seconds, one line in a conversation or whatever. I hope this helps a little, sorry if it's a bit long
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."-Dr. Seuss Focus on the people in your life who will support you based on how MUCH you love, not WHO you love. If a friend would ditch you because they didn't agree with your interests, you can find a better friend.
I also have anxiety. In high school it was 100% linked to my sexuality. As a young adult it was constant and frustrating. Panic attacks came out of nowhere. Luckily, now that I am in my 30's (God help me) and a tad wiser, I have been able to use behavior therapy to control them. As for friends. Surround yourself with those that will love you for you. I also thinking being Bisexual is very difficult because people from both the gay community and straight community can get ugly about the label. Taking it from both sides can be rough. Walk tall and proud and come out when you are ready. This is a great place to get support.
@Redd Thank you for taking the time to write such a long and helpful post. ---------- Post added 26th Aug 2013 at 02:03 PM ---------- @GirlWhoWaited My friend also works with me. It would be a bit tricky to avoid her right now ---------- Post added 26th Aug 2013 at 02:04 PM ---------- @Skyriclyn Yeah, bi's tend to get some grief from both sides. I really am so happy I found this site.
