Thoughts on Open Relationships

I would definitely be turned off by the idea of an open relationship. It's just how I am, I guess.

 

Maybe if I was the "old" me I wouldn't mind giving it a shot again. But with how I get jealous easily now it wouldn't work out.

 

I'd be willing to give it a shot. Oddly enough, I see myself as something of a polyamorous person- perhaps not in practice but not opposed to the idea.

 

Been there, done that, regretted it and wouldn't do it again. I tend to become obsessive and possessive and extremely jealous so it won't work either way. If my partner wants to be with someone else, I'd rather end the relationship than share him. Same reason why I'd never engage in a threesome :icon_wink

 

Apart from the health risks, I want my man to be mine, and me to be his. Full stop. I couldn't have an open relationship; I'm monogamous, and the idea is really unpleasant to me.

 

I'm in one now and have been for more than six months. I love her, and she loves me - I don't need to be the only person she loves, as long as I know that I'm loved.

 

There's nothing wrong with it, just not for me personally

 

Well let's see. If we're talking about a honest to <3 committed relationship the members of which mutually trust in each other (have good reason to, know the person - love them, and aren't just making assumptions) to where they're comfortable allowing somebody in bed with their partner, that's probably a pretty damn strong relationship. With the capacity to last a good long while and everybody involved getting the amount of satisfaction they're after in a few different ways if it is, in every sense, genuine. I couldn't say for sure if that's something I can commit to since right now I don't have a partner or even one suitable canidate for one I could apply the role to. And I can't exactly know how far of lengths I'm willing to go with someone I've never met. o: I'm not sure if I'd get jealous and such yet since it's a situation I haven't faced before...

On the other hand I could see it being harmful if the relationship really doesn't exist on any principles like Love, faith, friendship, caring, some kind of emotional connection, etc. and it's just about sex. I dunno, maybe there are people who can pull that off too. And certianly I mean no offense by that toward anyone who might, it's just that's where for me Personally the line between a relationship and some hookup would be drawn.

 

I'm way too much of a romantic to think about having one :L

 

it's not for me

 

My wife and I have been open since the mid 70s and both had pretty wild times. It works for us because we love each other and have always been very secure in our relationship. Some of the best sex we ever had was after coming home from a swinger's party. There were no limits and we both enjoyed hearing about each others adventures. We were fortunate to have experienced it before STDs became so prevalent. As the STD message spread we limited ourselves to a small close circle of other coupes who did the same. It worked out OK. Most of us are still around and those who aren't left this earth from other causes. As we all got older the parties ended but are fondly remembered. It doesn't work for everyone but it can for probably more people than you would think. Some of our closest friends today are people we met at swinger's parties even though we haven't had sex with them in years. My wife had lost all interest in sex and I had lost all interest in women by the early 90s. That's not a problem for either of us. I say we're still open because she's always been aware of my preferences.

 

My main problem with a romantic relationship, apart from potential health risks, is that I want to find a boyfriend who I want to spend all my time with and who wants to spend all his time with me (obviously within reason). I have no problem with open relationships for other people, I'm not one to judge, but for me personally there's no point in having a boyfriend if we don't feel that way about each other.

 

Absolutely not. Never. No way. Definitely not for me. I'm so personally not okay with it that I wouldn't even want a boyfriend or potential boyfriend talking about even being slightly interested in one. Safe to say that's it's even in deal-breaker territory.

 

I wouldn't be able to have an open relationship.. I really just want to be with that one person and love and commit myself to them fully for the rest of my life in a monogamous relationship.. That's what I want more than anything. For pretty much all of my teenage years i've always found myself crushing on straight guys where the feelings of love were not and never really could be mutual, so finding someone where the feelings of love were mutual would mean more than anything in the world to me and is something i've always wanted, the idea of that person sleeping with other guys and sharing those incredibly intimate emotions would be devastating to me to say the least.

But hey, that's me. If it works for other people I am nobody to judge.. I just wouldn't be able to do it.

 

Depends on how you'd define the "open" part. I'd be OK with bringing a third for some occasional fun in the sack with me and the hypothetical bf. I also find the kind of swinging described in tulman's post (having a circle of like-minded couples who don't stray outside of it, as to minimize risk of STDs) quite appealing. Regularly going out separately to pick up guys in bars for solo time is not something I'd like though, save for exceptional circumstances (e.g. being away from each other for an extended period of time).

 

One thing for me is that I'm not looking for forever. I'm 23. I think I'd like for my forever relationship to be monogamous, but I'm too young for a forever thing. I don't need someone to devote their entire being to me.

Also, my love for my girlfriend is no less real than it would be if we were monogamous.

 

^^ Quoted for truth.

My thoughts exactly.

 

I´m not against the concept.

 

Open relationships are like gay relationships - they're great for people who are most inclined towards them, but terrible if you're not.

For some people, sex is as much an emotional connection as a physical one. It's an expression of love as well as a physical activity, and it's a reaffirmation of their committment. For them, an open relationship wouldn't work well at all. For other people, sex is (to steal a phrase) "just sex". It's a pleasurable physical activity that doesn't necessarily involve emotions beyond "this feels good" and "I enjoy doing this with you". For them, an open relationship can be great.

There are several places I have seen problems with open relationships.

1. People changing the game at some later date. That's when they start a relationship as monogamous, but then later on, they decide they'd like to open it up. This can be really difficult, because it's very easy for it come across as "Yeah, I'm bored having sex with you - I want to have sex with somebody else now".

2. People THINKING they're of the second type ("it's just sex") and then developing feelings for the people they have sex with.

3. People who try to coerce their partners into opening the relationship when they clearly don't want to. I often see words like "trust" and "jealousy" bandied about when this happens.

4. People who expect open relationships to be a one-way street. "Open relationship" doesn't mean "I can screw whoever I want, but you'd better be there when I get home". The rules should apply equally to both partners. One partner need never look for sex outside the relationship if s/he doesn't want to, but the option should be there. There are always two people to consider in this, and you can't open and close the relationship at any given point just because you want to see it open or shut.

5. People who don't lay down the ground rules before they open the relationship. Do you want full disclosure on all meet-ups? Do you not want to hear about them at all? Are FWBs OK? Do you want to meet the other members? Do you want to insist on them only hooking up with people you DON'T know? These things should be talked about at the beginning, not after it's a fait accompli.

As you can see, there's a lot of places these relationship can go wrong, so one shouldn't blithely jump into one thinking everything will sort itself out. Communication really is key, even if that communication leads to the rule that "there will be no further communication".

Lex