Urgent: I need a short, clean gay joke.

[Owen]

I will be hosting an auction tonight for my TV Production class, and my co-host and I agreed to tell short jokes throughout the auction. I want to tell a gay joke that I can use as an excuse to come out en mass to the local community. (As in, "Don't worry, I'm gay. I can tell that joke.") I need a joke that is short, as in a few lines at most, and clean, as in you could tell it to your parents. I need it by 5:00 tonight. I have a decent one in reserve, but I need a really funny one, so that it won't seem like I told it just so I could come out.

[Trumpetplyer23]

There's one, but is kind of stereotypical, and references Hitler.

Here it is: What's the difference between Hitler and a gay guy? 45 degrees!

..um yeah, that's all I got.

[Lexington]

My mother cried when I told her I was gay. I told her, "Don't worry, Mom. It's OK. I'm still your son."

She shook her head through the tears. "Oh, I know that. But why didn't you tell me yesterday? I just paid a guy $1000 to redecorate my home!"

....again, that's all I got.

Lex

I dunno if this one are clean enough but if it's too clean, people won't mind if you say it.

Four gay guys walk into a gay bar and they find a problem. There's only one stool left.
One guy says "Lets flip for it"
But another says "No, Lets flip it over"

or

Three guys go to see a witch doctor about their problems.
One has a smoking problem, one is an alcoholic and one is gay but wants to change.
The doctor puts a curse on them that if any of them indulge their habits again they will die.
Two days later the alcoholic dies because he gave in and had to drink.
The next day the gay guy and the smoker are walking down the street together. The smoker sees a cigarette lying and the ground and stops to stare at it.
The gay guy looked at him and said "if you bend over and pick that up we are both fucked"

You hear about the gay guy who got fired from his job at the sperm bank?
Yeah, his boss caught him drinking on the job.

Ok maybe those aren't the best jokes...

Have you ever heard of Margaret Cho?

+ YouTube Video

XD

[Owen]

Originally Posted by Lexington

My mother cried when I told her I was gay. I told her, "Don't worry, Mom. It's OK. I'm still your son."

She shook her head through the tears. "Oh, I know that. But why didn't you tell me yesterday? I just paid a guy $1000 to redecorate my home!"

....again, that's all I got.

Lex

That's perfect! Thanks, Lex.

[Alex]

You hear about the gay guy who got fired from his job at the sperm bank?
Yeah, his boss caught him drinking on the job.

I like that one xD

[LOVEjames]

xD I like the one Lex gave. As for Margaret Cho... >_> She's not terribly clean. Her new stand up, which I saw last weekend, is even dirtier than normal. xD

I know she's not clean but I find her really funny She started to get all political and boring at one point, glad to know she's back

[LOVEjames]

She's still a little political, but she makes it so much more hilarious.

[SlickyPants]

I know I'm probably too late for the joke but I really don't get why some straight people are trying to ban same-sex marriage. I mean, if you think about it: all marriage is same-sex marriage because once your married it's the same sex every night. Night after night...

*cue rim shot*

[AlmightyFluffy]

"I'm gayer than the holiday season."
:3

[Nerdtendo]

Three guys walk into a bar, and the bartender says "I bet you 50 dollors that one of you is gay." The first man says "No, I'm not gay." the second man says "Neither am I." The third one pulls out a photo of his old wife and says "I'm changing fast."

[LOVEjames]

Not a gay specific joke, but it's still awesome. <3

Dear Dr. Laura

Author Unknown

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. How should I deal with this?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as it suggests in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may buy slaves from the nations that are around us. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not Canadians. Can you clarify?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.20:14)

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

Thank-you.

[LOVEjames]

More.

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of Johns' sexual orientation and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mark and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Mark came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Mark, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Mark. But the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey.

The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"

The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."

The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey.

The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?"

The man says, "I found out that my son is gay."

The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey.

Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"

The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."

[Lexington]

What does a gay horse eat?
Hay-y!

A man goes to a bar and orders ten shots of whiskey. The bartender lines them up, and the guy starts downing them, one after the other.

When he finishes, the bartender says, "What's the occasion?"

The man said, "My first blow job."

The bartender said, "Congratulations! How about another one on the house?"

The man shook his head. "If ten doesn't take the taste out of my mouth, I don't think the eleventh will, either."

Lex

[Paralyzer]

Originally Posted by LOVEjames

HAHAHAAAAAA..... HAHA :P I like this one
And I remember reading the ladel one before, very clever

[Blazer]

Funny stuff. I was laughing a lot at the Dear Dr Laura one, because I got to a Catholic School (Hah, religion. How it makes me laugh) and we've read through the bible, and there is some very weird stuff in there. VERY WEIRD.
I don't have any jokes though. My bad.

+ YouTube Video

Kinda lame, but still made me chuckle

[sexyalex]

Originally Posted by Paralyzer

HAHAHAAAAAA..... HAHA :P I like this one
And I remember reading the ladel one before, very clever

my dad is homophobic and he laughed hard when i read that to him

[pirateninja]

Seriously people think being gay is a disease. Can you believe that? Imagine calling into work and saying "Sorry, can't work today. Still queer."

Thank you. Thank you. I'm here all night. Even though that isn't my joke. And I probably told it lamer than the original. And I'm probably wayyyy too late.