Does anyone else get really confused between these 2? I get that alot of people are attracted toward same-personality people.. I guess in some way i am too.. But I'm really into kinda opposites.. short/tall, cute effeminate/tough "manly" in the common use of the term, etc.. Sometimes I want a cute effeminate guy, then other times I want to *be* the cute effeminate guy.. I wouldn't have a problem if we were both like that, but if i had a cute effeminate guy, I'd probably gravitate more towards the alternate role than being the same, for some inexplicable reason. I guess maybe I'm torn because my body says 'big strong man', but my face says 'effeminate cutesy youthful boy'.. I mean some people can be tall and come across cute/etc, but me.. not so much. shoulders too broad, etc. Basically, I know what I find attractive... But I don't know whether I want to be attractive 'like it', or whether I am attracted 'to it' in another person? *sigh* this is not coming out easily... damn language! Does anyone understand what I'm trying to say? Feel the same? I guess I should just give up on the typing and say I'm halfway between the two.. I'm not sure why I am so confused by this though really...
I think I get you! I used to laugh with some of my friends because when I see awesome queer people I sometimes can't tell if I want to BE them or BE WITH them. But, if you were with the cute/effeminate guy, you don't necessarily have to be the opposite. I think a lot of people do this because it's heteronormative and then the roles of a relationship are like pre-planned for you. And if that's what works for you and your partner, more power to you, but if that's not something that the two of you are feeling comfortable with, then you can split up the actions and roles in your relationship in a not so very gendered fashion.
I certainly get what you mean by this. I grew up believing I simply wanted to be like the guys I was interested in, but nowadays, when I look back on it, I'm starting to think that perhaps I was mostly wanting a lot of those guys as opposed to wanting to be them. When I wish I was someone else, it tends to come with a sense of jealousy, I guess you could say. A lot of those guys I just simply loved the way they looked and behaved, and even though part of me would want to look or behave like them, perhaps an even bigger part of me simply wants to be with them. I've read in places that gay guys often have difficulty differentiating between these two, that it can be hard to distinguish a crush from 'hero worship.' I've also seen that molding some of your mannerisms to match another guy's generally indicates an interest in that person as opposed to simply wanting to be more like them. If that's true, then I must have crushed on a good number of guys growing up, lol.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I know what I like (which is so many things, lol) and what I want. I know that for me, I while I like what I'm attracted to, I don't want to be it, though if it get's me there... Nah, don't change who are just to have or be with someone else, elsewise you'll follow into the trap most people (gay men, but not necessarily, lol) fall into, CLONE SYNDROME!
I get what you mean I think about it a bit and glad you brought it up. I don't really get why I feel this way sometimes, but I can find myself both attracted to and jealous of (maybe not jealous...but something) particular guys at the same time. Maybe it's to do with our own definition of beauty. If we find a particular 'type' hot, then if we don't fit that profile then we think we're ugly. Conversely, there plenty of guys who are that 'type' and find our 'type' attractive.
I am so totally on board with all of this. I have body dysmorphia because I want to be muscly and have abs and the "V" like all the cute twink guys in the media. And yet that isn't exclusively the type of guy I'm attracted to. It makes me feel a bit hypocritical really. Just be yourself You're very likely to be somebody's "type".
Yup, I completely understand what you're saying. In the past there have been guys who had a lot of characteristics, both physical and personality-wise, that I envied, and as a result I developed feelings for these guys. Then as time went on I began noticing some of these physical/personality characteristics in myself, and once this happened the feelings I had for these guys went away. But here's the thing: At the time, I assumed that I just had a crush on these guys, but now, looking back, I can't tell if what I felt back then were just crushes or my desire to be like those guys. I'm assuming it's the latter, but I'm not sure.
