I'm 17, and I did almost date a guy that's 27. I turned him down since he didn't want me romantically, just for sex. I kept asking him if he wanted to date me--he always said yes--and then I even consented to sex, until he said "Yes I want you, do you have any milf neighbors?".... That immediately turned me off. And I told him when you want me for romance, text me again. I've dated guys my age before, and they play with my emotions and disrespect me, from personal experience. Like they need something to chase, and since I'm not "chase" material, guys say they love me one day and don't talk to me again the next, and I can't even find out why. And it always happens to me. So, I've been thinking. I use a dating site, and it's just dormant (my profile). I've never actually talked to anyone there before, but I've thought maybe I should. Guys my age don't want true love, if all they do is like me for one day--why should I wait on them. Thoughts?
I can understand what you mean, but you can't be the only person your age who has such an outlook on relationships. Relationships with age gaps with people around your age, especially because you're still growing in many ways right now, are rife with inherent issues because both members are in different stages in life and so many things are irrelevant and there's not much common ground other than Yeah, I went through that, or Wow, I'm going to have to go through that. Because of that, they can take on multiple roles, like something similar to a father-son dynamic, in your case, as well as the romantic relationship itself, besides other things and issues. If going for 'older guys', I'd say you should stick to people who are no more than 3 years older than you (There are no hard and fast rules for these things, but that can be a safe range), in general. You might also want to look up the age of consent laws and other things for your state, if you haven't already, as it can be good to know those things at your age. Finally, have you tried looking in other places other than dating sites? Going to meet-ups and groups for LGBTQ people can be a much easier way to meet others without as much of a relationship focus, and it can make it easier to find others who aren't just focused on sex, as many sites and apps' member base are.
No offense meant, but I don't think mature older men will be all that much different on the "they only want one thing" front. Lex
Okay, if a 27-year-old is asking a 17-year-old for ANY sex, much less no-strings-attached sex, he's a creep and a pervert. Especially if he's asking about "MILF" neighbors. Sorry, but I'm getting pissed off now. Don't touch that clown with a ten-foot pole and I don't know what the age of consent is in New Jersey, but I would be pressing fucking charges on his ass for statutory rape. (Takes a few deep breaths and brings himself back together.) I agree with Luthan to not date anybody more than a few years older than you, and for God's sake, stay off those dating sites for now. I don't mean to preach, and I'm not that much older than you, but yes, even I am too young to need/use those kinds of sites. Use those as a last resort. People your own age are out there that won't disrespect you and that will love you and care about you. Yeah I'm taken and everything, but I'm pretty much in your age group and I fall into that category. I love Brendan with everything I am and he does the same for me, and no I never played him or used him for sex. And I know for damn sure that I'm not the only one. You'll find one eventually, bud. Just have hope. __________________________ Normally I'm pretty easy-going and nice, but if you piss me off, you must have worked at it. That guy sure did in a real hurry.
And along the opposite vein, not all 17-year olds are sex maniacs who don't give a crap about emotional connections. I started dating my first gf at 17, and after more than two years together, we never did the deed. She wasn't ready and at least between the two of us, neither was I. I thought she was great and I did want her at the time, but I'm glad we abstained. You just have to keep looking.
I agree. People his own age can be just as flaky. The OP also has the issue of being less than the age of consent and the 27 y.o. needs to stay the hell away. This thread title talks about dating. I have a hard time understanding what that constitutes sometimes, unless it means BF status. I would say you should hang around people your own age, since you'll have more in common. When I was a late teen, I was definitely attracted to older, though not old, guys and would have consented to sex which I think is the exception more than the rule, and I'm being honest. I would not have wanted to socialize with them, though. That would have been weird. In fact, this situation was a watershed event for me. A friend who went to another high school got us into a situation where we had sex with a guy in his mid-30s, and I didn't put up a fight when I knew where this was going. What a thing to process 4 months before going off to college. I think what I was processing is that I was so "eh, WTF" about it. So, for you, since you don't want to be involved in it just for sex, no. Since you have no guarantee that you'll get fewer head trips, no. And since you're under 18, NO. ---------- Post added 28th Aug 2013 at 05:19 PM ---------- Guys who are 27, and even 37, don't want true love either sometimes. The hookup culture goes through all age groups.
One more thing--I am staying abstinent until I do meet someone who becomes my boyfriend and there's trust established. Age of consent in the state of New Jersey is 18--I turn 18 two months after I graduate high school on 25 August 2014. Also--I was pissed off too hun!!! You don't have to catch your breath Saying things with conviction in your soul is the best. Also about the whole dating site thing--I use one or two chat sites like Meetme and Tagged. I met every ex of mine on both those sites and I want something different. For my town though, there aren't many LGBT guys. From freshman to junior year, I only searched for potential guys who went to my high school. Most of you know how that went. When I was a freshman, I got a very stern talking to from many people. But I'm a different person now; back then, I had many emotional, traumatic and mental issues I had to straighten out. Well I did write some of my reply to this earlier. I also haven't been to any LGBT groups or meet ups ever in life. I don't get out much--I do have Aspergers, so being social sometimes is awkward for me. One of the first times I was social was 2 years ago during therapy for what I call my "Different Stage In Life".... Before I healed. I met other kids, and their parents--one of which gave my own mother an attitude because she was jealous of my mother and I's open and honest relationship with each other.
Good plan. Those laws vary from state to state, and yeah, it all depends on which one you live in. I was getting visibly worked up and people walking down the hall stopped and asked me why I was typing so hard and so fast! XD Well it's good that you learned from that. Internet dating sites are a disaster waiting to happen simply because anybody can be anybody on the internet. I show you my real picture (though I NEVER say my real name, publicly at least) to show you that I'm not pretending to be someone. I'm a real human being, I'm 18 years old, male, and to prove to as much a degree as possible that I am who I say I am. There weren't many in my town either, but I still fell in love with an LGBT person living in my town. So do I, and so do I. I personally stopped looking at it as a disability and a burden and learned that it just affects the way I see certain things, and that I can still be a self-reliant adult and function in the real world. Yeah I've been on my own for two whole days now, but even before I moved out, with everybody at work and shuttling around to different appointments and crap, it was like living alone. Clean house during the day, cook, and have fun on EC in between. Now don't get me wrong there are days I do feel disabled. There are times when I can't see something painfully obvious, and that was the issue I had with my dad because instead of recognizing this, he'd just belittle me. But to be honest with you, I think the affect on my social interaction that Asperger's had is one of the main factors that shaped my personality and made me person that my BF fell in love with. And my personality that most everybody (but not all) on EC likes. Don't use it as an excuse and don't let it get you down. I guess when you have Asperger's and have those social cue problems, it's like learning to drive. You can study all you want, but the only way you're going to learn it fully is to get out there and practice. You may even meet someone special along the way. (*hug*)
at 17 you are in an awkward position. I don't mean to be condescending when I say this, but you unfortunately don't have enough experience to separate the bullshit from the truth. It is not your fault as you are in a place where all of us were at one stage. You will learn that sometimes people are going to say things to you because they think it is exactly what you want to hear so that they can get what they want. The general rule of thumb is that at 17, if you have a 27yo man telling you he wants to date you but only after having sex, he is 100% lying...because if someone want to date you and get to know you, then there would be at least a couple of dates without sexual tension. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you, it happens to all of us, but we all learn from these experiences. There is also nothing wrong with dating older guys, but always take care and don't place yourself in a situation where you could be taken advantage of again.
Not enough experience, my dear? I am extremely mature and advanced for my age. However, I want my ideal person to help me grow mentally, spiritually, socially... And if they can't do that, well someone just made a new friend. And anyone who will just use me goes on my mental FBI Most Wanted list--a metaphor for a list of people who either disrespect my ethics, values, and such.... Or don't care about anything I like. I'm writing an autobiography (Part 1 of it...), I've also thought about professionally publishing my songs and poetry. Also, I want to have a nucleus of friends who will be straightforward about the men I'm into--if I can't be that with myself. I learned a lot from my mother going off the hinges after my dad died--she became a different woman, but she herself was a learning experience to never date men who degrade you. It helps to have other people who can guide one along the way. AwesomeGaytheist--- About social cues, I try to remember the tell tale signs and know how to read, but even with everything people tell me about body language, I'm oblivious except I've learned a few things by watching Steve Wilkos and reading the accused's body language..... AS--I don't use it as an excuse. It is difficult for me still. I've even bought books about the Syndrome to educate myself more, but no matter how much I read/try to remember, nothing comes to mind when I'm thinking of changing a few things. About you typing earlier--I laughed (but if that sounded rude, my sincere apologies)... Any other replies, I'll get to later. PS--I do post my first name online. And, for government forms, my full name. ---------- Post added 29th Aug 2013 at 01:18 AM ---------- Last but not least. Someone read my mind. "The general rule of thumb is that at 17, if you have a 27yo man telling you he wants to date you but only after having sex, he is 100% lying..." Yes indeed! I knew he was. I vehemently told him as well "Don't text me ever again unless you truly love me." And he hasn't ever since. I say good riddance dammit! I don't date people who want my crock. I date people who love my personality, songs, poetry--but can give me detailed reasons why, and my Youtube topics. It makes way for easy conversation starters. Also (this is to everyone), I need advice. A friend of mine earlier told me I shouldn't date again until I'm older--and that boys (not men) are afraid to commit. That boys just want sex, nothing from the waist upwards. Thoughts? I actually strongly agree with her, with much personal experience being around fellow teens... ---------- Post added 29th Aug 2013 at 01:24 AM ---------- "You will learn that sometimes people are going to say things to you because they think it is exactly what you want to hear so that they can get what they want." They are called Scumbags Who, For Some Reason, Are Allowed To Walk The Earth. One category of these scum are men--no, boys who lead people on. Real men don't do that. ^^I wish there was a documentary on that. ^^^I'd love to make that movie. And show up on Academy Awards night.
Correction: the age of consent in NJ is 16, not 18. It's 18 only if the guy is an authority figure (teacher, boss etc.).
"Relationships with age gaps with people around your age, especially because you're still growing in many ways right now, are rife with inherent issues because both members are in different stages in life and so many things are irrelevant and there's not much common ground other than Yeah, I went through that, or Wow, I'm going to have to go through that. Because of that, they can take on multiple roles, like something similar to a father-son dynamic, in your case, as well as the romantic relationship itself, besides other things and issues." Well, I'd like a guy with intellect. Someone smarter than or as smart as I... My exes, whenever I'd discuss deep things like philosophy, they'd just sit there. Meaning--they found me boring. Yet one of my exes told me "I love hearing you talk".... Which was okay for a while but then I became slightly discontent with that. Even my family hates when I talk about the things I'm passionate about. My family always tells my mom "That boy can talk..." I only tell them things since I'd like to hear a "Thats interesting" or a "I like that also"--I never do. Which is why I've written poetry and manuscripts for 7 years; my mom feels I should stop. Being blunt--I will once someone in my family actually can seem like they actually care... They always just stare at me or roll their eyes whenever I discuss things I'm passionate about. Then they talk about things they're passionate about--sometimes I think I should do the same thing they do to me. So they know how it feels. Instead my "courteous", "non-disrespecting" demeanor I was raised with gets to me. And I think "It wouldn't be appropriate of you to do that...." ---------- Post added 29th Aug 2013 at 01:36 AM ---------- OH, really? I've always thought it was 18. For everything. Sex, etc. 25 to rent a car though. One learns something new every day. So thank you for bringing me new facts I never knew before... Simply captivating!
I think I saw a porno with this storyline once. I would've kept him around for a little while just for the experience. Anyways, as many here have already said, older guys can be just as uncommitted and horndogs as younger guys. From personal experience (though Romania is different than where you live), these guys are often closeted, married to women, cheating on them behind their backs, and will always treat you as a second class lover to their wives. While there are probably more out men where you live, and the culture's different, most of them did grow up in a time where being gay meant primarily hooking up in bathhouses. There are probably lots who have more serious intentions, though these guys might actually dislike that you're so young, as many view young = just wants to have fun. Overall, I don't think you'll find there's much difference between the desire to commit of older men and of younger ones. Still, it's good to keep your options open. Maybe Mr. Right IS an older man.
PHP: The first two lines made me crack up Also, it's the exact same thing here in the USoA. Men do the exact same things... Perhaps he could be an older man... ---------- Post added 29th Aug 2013 at 02:23 AM ---------- Well, those last few lines make me think I should stay completely single. I don't think of that as suddenly a bad thing anymore....