Hey guys, So I 've been reading a few poems in the forum, and I thought I might try my hand at it. I'm more of a short story kind of writer, but here I go: A heavy heart makes it hard to move An empty smile veils the tears of hurt A vacant set of eyes search desperately for an out A mind tainted with sadness whispers a dark lullaby into wary ears A single conscience though, not yet corrupted, plants a seed of hope in a beaten down soul A seed of hope, untouched by darkness, blooms into a light of conviction to hold fast to. If you didn't notice, this poem was about hiding in the closet and hope for the future. It sounded better in my head when I first thought of it as I read over it now :lol:. What do you guys think? Feel free to criticize, I can only learn more if you do .
Thank you ! I feel kinda self conscious now because it's kinda nervewracking to hear what other people think of your writing. At first, I wasn't even sure if this could really constitute as a poem :lol:.
I like it, but while it's maybe just me, it seems a bit-- direct. Maybe it works because the poem's so short, but it could use a dose of "show; don't tell." That's not to say it's bad, because your imagery is strong and I can tell it's real. But it doesn't evoke a whole lot by saying mostly unadorned that you have hope despite being hurt. What I'm trying to say is that for the most punch in a poem, the reader should feel what you feel. It's easier said than... said, of course, but when done right, it's incredible.
Thanks for your input ! Like I said, I'm new with this, so I'll keep this in mind for the future. It's really easy to start writing, but it's hard to master.
