TG roll call

How do you identify? I'm a transgender genderqueer man.
Describe your relationship between sexuality and gender. I started transition when I was fifteen. I got hormones when I was seventeen. I had top surgery three weeks ago. I may or may not get bottom surgery in the future. Gender has always been vastly more important than sexuality. Although I do identify as a non-binary man, I never say anything about it to cishets, and I rarely talk about it to trans people. I'm perfectly happy to just fit in as a man.

As for my sexuality... well, it just is. I don't want to change it, I love being pansexual. So its not a big deal for me. I used to be asexual, but going on hormones changed that for me.

What has your experience with the cisgender population, LGB and not?

I'm stealth, and I have been for three years. So my experience with cisgender people isn't very significant. Even in most LGB circles, I'm stealth. I once went to an LGBT youth group for a year, and never told them. I almost did, once, and someone said something really ignorant before I got the chance, and I realised I was surrounded by people who weren't actively hostile or anything, but just didn't care enough about gender to bother understanding it. If I'd come out, I'd have been labelled a freak in their heads. Sure, they'd have been nice enough, but things would have changed.

The only time I've ever come out to a cishet was when I was given a volunteer support worker for autism, and the first thing she told me was that she had two mothers, and I decided I could use someone to talk to.

My Advice for anyone trying to figure out their gender is: Don't rely on memories of who you hung out with, or what toys you played with as a child. Gender isn't anything nearly as boring or binary as dolls and toy soldiers. These are just gender stereotypes, and they don't define you. Think about what you want, how you can live your life so that you can be happy, how you feel inside, your feelings about your gender etc

And, most importantly, don't come out to your family and friends until you're sure. Without exception, they will influence you, make you doubt yourself, try to convince you to stay the way you are, and as much as they may mean to you, you can't let them. Its your life, and your decision, and no one elses.

 

How do you identify?

Transmale

Describe your relationship between sexuality and gender.

Sexuality? I always liked males. I imagine that I could be with a woman sexually, but definitely not romantically.

Gender? That didn't come into play until last year. I've always dressed more male, hated dresses and what not. Hated how I looked with makeup. I didn't recognize it with myself and thought I looked ugly. I never had any females that I looked up to or idolized like most. Didn't have any that were male that I did that to, but I can safely say that I didn't look at women and say "I want to look like that". I looked at the men, but didn't allow myself to think that I wanted to look like that.

What has your experience with the cisgender population, LGB and not?

People in general annoy me. Binary folk? I just tend to ignore them. I don't freak out when I'm misgendered since the majority don't know. Admittedly, I'm thrilled when I'm called male which doesn't happen nearly enough. Although, I want to strangle my mother when she calls me 'ma'am'.

For the most part, the few I've told were cool about things and understanding. One struggled to understand where I was coming from and ended up sitting down to do research so that he could better understand where I was coming from.

Imagine your ideal world for a few seconds, and tell us what it would be like.

I've honestly never thought about it since I'm a realist. Perfect world? I'd be a 6'4" guy who's rich as fuck and could do whatever the hell he wanted. Kinda a younger version of Tony Stark lol.

We're misunderstood, from multiple sides. Share anything you think anyone reading this should know, whether they're trying to figure their own gender, struggling to accept it, dealing with the issues that come with it, or simply wish to know when it comes to anything TG.

Don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong. They don't know what's going on in your head, and are idiots if they try to claim otherwise.

 

I always come across as so scatterbrained with these sorts of surveys.. anyway.

How do you identify?

Genderqueer transmale, FAAB. I'm flexible with my gender, though "transmasculine" would be the best way to describe me.
On a gender spectrum, as illustrated by myself, I stand here. I'm not binary male but not fully gender neutral.

Describe your relationship between sexuality and gender.

I had gender nonconforming behaviour all throughout my childhood, but only near the past three years or so, I wondered what it would have been like for me if I had been born male. I usually dreamt of myself as male-bodied, and dysphoria started to rear it's disgusting, vile head around that time.

Sexuality for me was an entirely separate issue and didn't tie much into my gender. I knew I liked females before adolescence, but always pictured myself as the "boyfriend" of any fictional relationship with another woman. After coming to terms with being trans, rather than calling myself a straight male, I consider myself more bisexual/pansexual than anything, because I'm highly attracted to other non-binary people and some male-identified people now. I also lean on the asexual spectrum of things, but that doesn't really matter.

What has your experience with the cisgender population, LGB and not?

I'm sometimes frustrated at the lack of education that cisgender people have towards us, LGB and not. I understand that it isn't their fault, because there's so many limited resources on trans* folks.

Other than that, we're very much swept under the rug and that part frustrates me entirely. It's difficult to explain dysphoria to cisgender folks, or even explain why you know you're not the gender assigned to your body, because it's such a complex feeling to grasp upon.. and I can understand why it comes across as confusing. Fortunately, a decent portion of the cisgender people I interact with on a daily basis, have been very tolerant and eager to understand, but there are few who would love to beat me to a bloody pulp or even kill me if given the chance.

I guess I'm neutral, where I'm ok with cispeople that actually take the time to respect me as see that I'm a person, too, just like them. I just want to be myself, and be happy like anyone else, want to respect others and be respected, and be acknowledged for being me, instead of the fact that I'm trans*. I just don't like the ignorant cisfolk who try and shoot down my gender or ostracize me because of it, and don't take the time to hear what I have to say or bother educating themselves.

Imagine your ideal world for a few seconds, and tell us what it would be like.

All sorts of gender-variant people! Cis, or not! People exploring gender, people exploring themselves... staying tolerant of others, abolishing any form of discrimination or prejudice towards others (sexism, racism, []phobia, ect). But, it would be damn cool to see more genderqueer or non-binary, androgynous people in this world. People who aren't afraid to take a stand against the binary and stand-out. I'd even go a step further and say to eliminate any gender roles and stereotypes whatsoever, and see how people would dress, behave and react.

We're misunderstood, from multiple sides. Share anything you think anyone reading this should know, whether they're trying to figure their own gender, struggling to accept it, dealing with the issues that come with it, or simply wish to know when it comes to anything TG.

If you're questioning your gender, take your time. There's no set time to figure yourself out and trying to convince yourself you may be TG while you're likely just experimenting, just leads to doubt and unwanted confusion. Dress how you want, experiment with names/pronouns, do research (if necessary) and come to your own terms. And I wouldn't rely on childhood interests and behavior either, since those aren't set-in-stone indicators of being trans* or not. Focus on how you feel now, and how you'd like to live your life. Picture your future.

As for accepting it, realise that there's nothing bad about being trans, like how there's nothing bad about being cis. It is what it is.

And for the people who are interested and would like to educate themselves.. ask. Answers from TG people themselves range and you'll gain a much better perspective on us, compared to just reading some sort of description out of a textbook or Wikipedia article. We're all trans*, but we're still individuals and we're willing to help put matters into perspective and educate the cisgender (and trans) community.

 

How do you identify?

I'm a transgender man (FtM).

Describe your relationship between sexuality and gender.

To be honest, I confused the two for years. While I was bisexual, I decided to primarily identify as lesbian since I was female bodied and attracted to women. Figured most lesbians wanted to be men anyway.

Now, realizing I am a man, I feel more open to admit I'm a bisexual one at that. Partly because, as a man, I feel more comfortable with the idea of dating another male identified person.

What has your experience with the cisgender population, LGB and not?

While I've been fortunate to have had a mostly positive experience with the cisgender population, I've seen my share of transphobia and general undereducation and lack of empathy when it comes to trans* issues. The general public, due to a lack of media representation and education, knows little of what it means to be transgender and so online, I find myself having to combat not only stereotypes and misconceptions, but transchasers and people who only see us as a fetish.


Imagine your ideal world for a few seconds, and tell us what it would be like.

A world free of discrimination; easier health care access, and a greater distribution of international wealth/economic equality.

We're misunderstood, from multiple sides. Share anything you think anyone reading this should know, whether they're trying to figure their own gender, struggling to accept it, dealing with the issues that come with it, or simply wish to know when it comes to anything TG.

Take the time to educate yourself. Research, try to understand as best you can even if the concept of being TG is too foreign or alien to comprehend. The key to understanding anything is to approach it with an open mind and that goes for anyone not only trying to figure out their gender but for anyone wishing to learn about TG issues.

And please, don't speak for TG issues if you're not willing to take the time to educate yourself about these issues or willing to understand what we, as being part of the TG or genderqueer communities, go through.

 

How do you identify
Woman in transition

Describe your relationship between sexuality and gender.
Gender, I've always been a woman. I could probably write a book. Tons of anecdotes and experiences that I can smile at now, but which made me feel terrified and ashamed and like I was acting pretty much all the time when they were happening. They aren't what make me trans, but they were because I am trans, and for the first time in my life I feel like I can deal with them and understand them.

I was pretty stereotypical, in that I overcompensated with masculinity to hide better. I always had to eat the hottest food (which I still genuinely love, fry up some jerk chicken please!), drink the most at parties, lift more weight, win anything I competed in, etc. etc. It felt very much like being a comic book superhero. Except kind of the opposite, in that the "secret identity" was the real me, and I think really the stronger of the two.

Sexuality, it's been a roller coaster but it's leveled off. I identify as a gay woman now. Most of my life I thought I was attracted to women. A few awkward sexual encounters made me doubt this. I discovered I have no natural attraction to men though, and that it was simply what I was doing in the bedroom that made things not work. For a brief while I did like how feminine the thought of being with a guy made me feel, but especially after I completely accepted myself as a woman, the thought of actually trying it moved from "this isn't doing anything" into "get the hell off me" territory I can only connect in that way with another woman. I could never be happy with a man and there's nothing wrong with that. The last hill was just separating identity and orientation in my head. When I understood deep down that liking women "in that way" didn't make me less of a woman myself, then everything just "worked" sexually.

What has your experience with the cisgender population, LGB and not?

In general it's been really positive. My best friend is a cis straight woman. She's the second person I came out to, and has helped me stay sane through so much this year. In general I do find it's easier since I started coming out when I'm around my queer friends. I think just because they understand a little better what it's like going from being closeted to living as the real you than most people.

The best way to describe it, is people have to get to know me all over again, because I'm just not the person I was pretending to be for a long time. There is a lot we have in common, because there is a lot that I wasn't lying about. But there is a lot that I kept from the world too.

Imagine your ideal world for a few seconds, and tell us what it would be like.

I don't have to imagine it I used to love backpacking. I really hope I can start doing that again once I can afford some basics. I grew up very outdoorsy. I guess if we're going ideals, the fish would be stocked a little better than the lakes I used to camp near and they'll bite anything. Also, no mosquitos. Birds can eat something else.

We're misunderstood, from multiple sides. Share anything you think anyone reading this should know, whether they're trying to figure their own gender, struggling to accept it, dealing with the issues that come with it, or simply wish to know when it comes to anything TG.

Just that we're normal people. I have a favorite band. Right now for me it's the Reverend Horton Heat. I also geek out on comics and can't wait for that "Agents of Shield" show to come out. I like stout beer and dessert wine. I love SE Asian food probably more than any other food out there, which sucks, because I have a shellfish allergy.

We've just been taught from an early age to hide everything real about us. We've been told horror stories, we're constantly the butt of everyone's jokes, and we only ever get people to leave us alone or like us when we pretend to be something we aren't. So we need to learn how to trust people and ignore the horror stories, learn to laugh at the world and ourselves, and have the kind of confidence that comes from the inside. And we do. But as nice as all that sounds, actually doing it is hard. It's a lot of work. And even though we know inside we're doing the right thing, when we're at odds with everyone we love and some of what we've been taught as far as right and wrong, it's easy to doubt yourself.

And we do doubt ourselves. A lot. Some of it's even healthy doubt. Some of us detransition or discover a full transition isn't right. And even when we don't, a lot of the time circumstances force us to accept a less than ideal transition. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's people, and sometimes it's permissions. But we've seen other people do it, and that gives us hope to keep going.

And really that's what transition is. It's just learning who you are, how to be you, and then making it happen.

 

Sorry it's been a few days. I had to put this into word and type it out in my spare time over the weekend.




How do you identify?
I'm androgyne, as you know. My definition of this is someone who is mentally both male and female, while at the same time being neither.


Describe your relationship between sexuality and gender.

This one has 2 parts to it that intertwine with each other throughout my life, so I'm going to separate them.

Gender: This one has been with me for years. Probably since I was 4, where I'd go into my mom's closet and try on a pair of shoes from the majestic Mt. Footwear. They could be any kind of shoes. High-heels, sneakers, whatever. They fascinated me at that age. I didn't know what I liked better, though: The fashion of the shoes, or the fact that I was wearing something really, really big. Then we get a couple more years ahead in my life, and I'm noticing ALL my peers were playing "Cooties". And It wasn't just one day that was one time. I mean, EVERYONE I knew was playing the fucking game. And I never understood it. Why would anybody think that the other sex had cooties? I've touched girls on accident. I touched boys on accident (stop it, that's not what I mean). And guess what? I was perfectly fine. I didn't change, except maybe I got a bit of dirt on my fingers. But nothing that “cooties” was allegedly to give you. Sometimes it even went further and I’d hear things like “Girls go to college to get more knowledge, boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider” and I still didn’t believe why that should be true. Why are girls better than boys? Why are boys better than girls? Nobody could give a straightforward answer, so I never played the game.

And then another year passed, and I heard of this show from the girls called “Powerpuff Girls”. It was everywhere on their stuff. Bags, notebooks, folders, all of it. There wasn’t a girl in the school that didn’t know and love that show. So I decided to watch it myself (despite the guys thinking it’d be stupid), and I loved it. I highly related to Bubbles since I’ve been the mostly cute and innocent type, and the only thing she freaked out about that I wouldn’t at that time was spiders. Buttercup was my favorite character (and I relate to her more than Bubbles, now), since she had this kind of dual personality. On one hand, she was very aggressive and very boyish whenever she was fighting. But when she was with her sisters, she was definitely a gal. She’d be the kind to slice your head off with modified lipstick. I also admired Blossom a bit, but not nearly as much as the other two. I liked her methods of keeping the other two girls in line so that there was order between all of them. I liked her leadership. Mojojojo is still one of my favorite villians from any TV show, and nobody could help but laugh at how ridiculous the Mayor is. It was a very interesting show to watch, and I never really cared if it was a “girl’s show”. Another show I liked that mostly girls did was Kim Possible. Shego and Drakken have been my favorite characters from that show episode after episode. Even in other TV shows, the gender episodes have been favorites of mine, namely the episode of Fairly Oddparents where Wanda turns Timmy into a girl.

About 3rd or 4th grade, I had this random thought that dove a bit deeper into myself.:

“What if I’m not really a boy? I mean, the boys are much more into sports than I am, they’re much more aggressive, and they seem to like to pick on other people. But on the other hand, I’m still not really a girl. I mean, I don’t really want to BE a girl. I’ve heard many difficulties that girls handle because of the way their bodies work, and they gossip a ton. I also don’t want to be a supermodel, and I like Pokemon. So what if I’m not exactly a boy, but I’m also not exactly a girl?”

This thought would come back to me every now and then, but I’d dismiss it with “But I’ve got a penis, so that means I’m a boy”.

Things were smooth sailing until I met one of the 2 people that would ultimately change the course of my life: A bigender, pansexual ginger, FAAB. She was already dating one of my somewhat distant friends, and I saw her every day with other friends I had. And DAMN, was she the coolest person I’d ever met. I befriended her in my Junior year in High school, and we became pretty close friends. She was the first person I came out to when I identified as bisexual, and she of course, was very supportive ^^

About a few months after we became friends, I had my short but important time on Gaia. What I mean here is that there was a group I joined, and one of the users said something to the effect of “I’m sick of people saying they want to have SRS just so they can have the body of the opposite sex, and the decision has nothing to do with their gender identity whatsoever. It’s really rude and disrespectful to those who are actually transgender, those who don’t feel that their gender matches their body, such as myself”. I read it a few times and thought about it. That then triggered memories of the thought I had in 3rd-4th grade.

I remember that I’d never really felt right. As I was growing up, I never really felt in line with the guys. All the guys were talking about how much they benched, and they were sincere about it. In Junior High, all the guys were about football, football, football. There was also a doctor’s appointment where my pediatrician looked at my arms and said “Shouldn’t you grow some more muscle on those arms? Males that are your age tend to build up”. I worked out a bit more for her sake than society’s, but I still wondered why it had to be that way. Why should I be “like the other guys”? Why do girls have “cooties?”

I also took the COGIATI and got a perfect 0 (in the androgyne category) when I was really tired, and also when I was wide awake.

At that point, I had thoughts that, perhaps I was transgender. But I still couldn’t be, because transgender meant that you wanted to be a girl.

So I asked the ginger.

After a skype conversation, I was left completely conviced that I was transgender. I had now known that gender is different than sex, and that “transgender” was an umbrella term for those people who didn’t seem to fit right in the bodies they were born with.

I don’t remember if it was before I asked my ginger friend or if it was after, but I also was introduced to yaoi through a google search. Yes, this is a sexual orientation thing, but for me, it was practically a playground for my gender dysphoria. I learned the terms very quickly. And when I took one look at the uke, I knew that was pretty much what I was. To this day, I’m short, I look younger than I am, and some people regard me as “cute”. I played around with some things and noticed my body worked much more similarly to a girl’s than a guys, much like the uke in about any doujinshi I’d read. I never had any urge to penetrate someone, unlike the guys around me (and quite literally now), that are all about it. Even the gay guys I knew of had a big urge to penetrate someone. How come I wasn’t getting that? I also related to the uke in the doujinshi more than the seme sometimes for that reason, but I’d also had relationships that they had. For example, uke tend to be tsundere. There was a friend I had that would bug me every day about shit. I did like him, but I acted as though I didn’t. I was cold to him for a few months until I decided to warm up to him. This is the only time I’d ever done such a thing. I’ve been shy usually, but not tsundere.

Another factor in determining my gender was Haruhi Fujioka. When I watched the first few episodes of Ouran, I watched Haruhi and couldn’t relate to an anime character more. As the guys around her kept telling her that “Men must be gentlemen and serve the ladies in a very suave way”, she kept asking “why? What the fuck does that have to do with actually being a good person? What does ‘being a man’ really do?” It was the question I kept asking over and over. The way Haruhi went about things was a very similar way of how I go about doing things.

The last and final thing that helped me figure out my gender was a time with a couple transgender online friends. The first one is someone I still have contact with to this day. When we first met, it seemed as though the same person was talking. We were both big Pokemon fans, followed the same people, loved voice acting, etc. The second one helped a bit more by throwing junk science at me. We played around with a couple ideas: The first one was the easiest one. Basically asked the question “what if you shaved everything except your junk?” I was hesitant at first, but once the deed was done, I could have sworn I was meant to do that. The 2nd part was something I never want to do again, but for reasons not gender-related: I was to not eat any foods with androgens for a whole week. I did my best, but come Friday, I had these headaches and constant angst that wouldn’t stop until I ate something. I had a Butterfinger bar. After another week of our discussing back and forth as well as meeting with the school counselor, I came to the conclusion that I’m androgyne


Let me take a moment right now and share a current gender experience right now. I’m on the train, and there’s a guy talking about the music fest that everyone went to, quoting someone who went “Jack ‘m in the FACE, jack ‘m in the FACE!” Now he’s yelling, “DREW! What the fuck?!” People like this really annoy me, and it’s not just because they’re being inconsiderate of others on the train (someone just went a car over because of this guy). They seem to think they’re the kings of the world, and that they’ll get away with anything. All weekend, these people have been narcissistic assholes who never cared about the people around them. Why? Why the hell must we be this way? Huh? Apparently I must be a narcissistic asshole who doesn’t care about the people around me to be “cool”. I must be aggressive and think I’m the king of the world to be “cool”, to be accepted in your society. To “be a man”.

Sexual Orientation:
Basically, I thought I was straight until I found out otherwise through yaoi. Then I thought I was bi, then looked at the Kinsey scale, thought for a few months, then came to the conclusion I’m actually gay.

What has your experience with the cisgender population, LGB and not?



This is an interesting one, because at first, the people I was with were very anti-gay, and strongly anti-trans.

I’m quite aware that most of them are still ignorant of trans* issues, and that trans* people actually exist. For that, I can forgive them. They grew up not knowing about them, and there’s such a small population of people that are trans* that it’s easy to believe that they don’t exist. So they make jokes about guys looking like girls, and vice versa. I’ve always hated such jokes though, because it makes being trans* sound like a bad thing, and it also basically says “the opposite sex is terrible” when, as I’ve stated many times, is a terrible fallacy.

So with my friends, I’ve got to tell them my definition of “androgyne” when I come out. I haven’t been faced with anything stupid or bigoted yet, so that’s a good sign.


Imagine your ideal world for a few seconds, and tell us what it would be like.


[youtube]DCX3ZNDZAwY[/youtube]
Put in something like “Imagine no stereotypes” as well, and you’ve pretty much got it.

---------- Post added 3rd Sep 2013 at 05:41 AM ----------

We're misunderstood, from multiple sides. Share anything you think anyone reading this should know, whether they're trying to figure their own gender, struggling to accept it, dealing with the issues that come with it, or simply wish to know when it comes to anything TG.

The first thing I can say is this: It will come to you. And you may not realize it until much later, but you probably know exactly what your gender is right now. The confirmation might not come to you tomorrow or today, but it surely will come, if you give it time.

For those not in the gender binary, try everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Shave everything for a day and see how that works. Try going vegan for a week. Try eating without androgens. And most importantly, research, research, RESEARCH. Everybody who's transgender must do research about their gender or any possible processes, so that when it comes time to actually transforming, you know what you're doing. Non-binary people, you'll probably want to do your best to look androgynous.

 

How do you identify?

I have identified as genderqueer for almost three years, but have been slowly coming to terms with being transgender, ftm.

Describe your relationship between sexuality and gender.

My sexual identity is pansexual, so gender in partners is irrelevant to me. Although I usually date (try to date and then ruin the relationship) cis-identifying males. I think I date cis males because I want to be them, or something along those lines. The one time I had the pleasure of dating another queer was the best experience ever. Finally! Somebody who understood what I meant when I said I wasnt a girl! It was amazing.

What has your experience with the cisgender population, LGB and not?

Usually its them not understanding. Constantly having to send links or try and explain my gender identity and then getting harassed, teased, dumped or turned down because of it.
When I came out as "bisexual" in high school I tried mingling with the GSA at my school and the local LGBTQQIA group, but I was teased for being bi. Then when I started exploring my gender, changing my pronouns, expressing interest in HRT and whatnot, the people who knew didn't believe me and I was introduced to a whole new set of problems - LGB people are often STILL uncomfortable with T people. My own mom, who is bisexual and has been madly in love with a woman for years has still said "If my child was transgender, it would break my heart." and I think that's a huge reason why I never started transitioning.

Imagine your ideal world for a few seconds, and tell us what it would be like.

Can I just say that everybody else's answers for this ideal world question are great answers! Like most people, get rid of all the negative "isms" which includes able-ism and anybody using slurs or offensive words. I'd want LGBTQQIA (etc etc) to REMEMBER UNITY and not cast aside the Ts or the Bs or the Is because we all have to fight for equality together. I'd also like my dream house, enough money to pay for the rest of my tattoos, really good hair and to be able to transition without it ever causing any problems for my daughter.

We're misunderstood, from multiple sides. Share anything you think anyone reading this should know, whether they're trying to figure their own gender, struggling to accept it, dealing with the issues that come with it, or simply wish to know when it comes to anything TG.


Don't be afraid to talk to people! If you feel like you cant talk to family or friends, ask for a therapist. If you're underage, you don't have to tell your parents its for gender - tell them its for depression or anxiety, THEN tell your therapist. BE HONEST with yourself and with your support people. KNOW it always gets better and KNOW that it's TOTALLY OKAY to not know your gender identity right away. or your sexuality. If you are confused, you are QUESTIONING and there's room for you in the support groups too. Don't ever worry about "not being trans enough" (thats something I'm learning now).

 

How do you identify?

I'm FAAB and for most of my life awkwardly identified female, but for the last couple years I've been feeling not quite male, but not comfortable with being female either. I'm still working the kinks out, so I slapped a 'queer' label on myself for now until really know who I am and what my relationship is to gender.

Describe your relationship between sexuality and gender.

I came out as gay. But in light of my own gender identity (which is unclear) and also my tendency to be attracted to people inside and outside of the gender binary we tend to hold people to, I don't have a really good, accurate label for myself. I have been attracted to ciswomen and a large number of people who identify in different places under the trans* umbrella.

Queer as an expression of my sexual orientation does not assume my partner's gender identity, and that's good because I'm attracted to lot of people of many gender identities.

What has your experience with the cisgender population, LGB and not?

I am not out. At least not about my gender stuff. The only people who know are my girlfriend and one of my friends.
The world is not safe for trans* people. Not only is there harassment and violence there is little to no protection under the law for trans* people's rights.

I am continually frustrated at the lack of understanding in the wider community about gender identity and its separation entirely from sexual orientation. I'm even more frustrated at the fact that people who have so much privilege refuse to see that there are groups so underrepresented, so disenfranchised, so erased and ignored.

I'm really into intersectional feminism. I think that it is the answer to a lot of problems both in the queer community and outside of it. It's not just about straight, white, wealthy, ciswomen anymore. It's everyone of every identity.

Imagine your ideal world for a few seconds, and tell us what it would be like.

Everyone is allowed to be who they are and grow into the person that feels the best to them. Regardless of gender, gender identity, sexuality, race, ability, appearance or any other aspect of a person, all people have a roof over their heads and a job that pays the bills, they have the opportunity of a good education, they have medical care, they have everything that they need because we've gotten rid of poverty and figured out how to take care of ourselves and our home better than we ever have been.

We're misunderstood, from multiple sides. Share anything you think anyone reading this should know, whether they're trying to figure their own gender, struggling to accept it, dealing with the issues that come with it, or simply wish to know when it comes to anything TG.


Personally, I feel really alienated from both cis-LGBQ+ people and also binary trans* people. Those of us outside the gender binary are under the same trans* umbrella, but my story does not, and never will match the trans* narrative as it is told. I deserve the word trans* as much as anyone else, but because I don't know if I'll ever truly identify as fully male, people have taken to making me feel like I'm not trans* enough to use it that umbrella term.

Which is complete bullshit.

For people still searching for answers about gender identity, whether their own or just in general, it's going to be okay. It's confusing at first, but it gets easier. Sometimes you don't understand and you make mistakes. That happens. Apologize and learn from it, the way we should do with every accidental hurt we cause. Keep open lines of communication with everyone, make as few assumptions as possible, and above all, listen more than you speak, when dealing with an identity you're unfamiliar with.

Also, support a trans* inclusive ENDA, people. We really need to get that passed, because in 34 states you can be fired for being trans*. As well as employment issues, in many of those states, if you are hurt or harassed for being trans* it is not a hate crime, because gender identity is not considered a category for it. You can be denied housing for being trans* and it's difficult if not impossible to get decent medical care--not just for trans* related care, but for any care at all. Trans* women are especially susceptible to these problems. They are also the most targeted for violence. More especially, trans* women of color are the most targeted. And these women's stories are rarely heard in the news, even though the murder rate is 1 in 18. It's time for that shit to change.

So be aware of what's going on with people less privileged than you are (because we all have our privilege and it's important to be aware) and support measures to make the world better for them too, is I guess what I'm getting at.

 

How do you identify? transmasculine, non-binary

Describe your relationship between sexuality and gender.

Gender, for me, is a weird thing to come to terms with. I've always felt more boyish, but as soon as I got to a certain age people started getting really cruel about it. But now that I have the words to talk about myself, the way that I am, it's been easier to accept, and harder to hide. I didn't even know that transguys were a thing until I was at the end of my high school career. I wish I knew earlier.

Sexuality has been simultaneously easier and more difficult for me to come to terms with. A lot of people make the assumption that I'm a lesbian, but while I wouldn't turn down a girl if I liked her, I can't see myself being sexually involved with a girl really (also, being a lesbian implies being a girl that likes girls, so). I like guys, so most people don't think twice when I'm dating someone because I'm FAAB and pre-everything. But it's been hard to get people to see me for who I am, and relationships are remarkably awkward. I could refer to myself as gay, I suppose.

What has your experience with the cisgender population, LGB and not?

Most cis-het people don't seem to understand. And while cis-LGB people might be a little more open, a lot of them don't either. I think that's obvious though.

Either way, I've managed to find more support than I thought I would, even if it takes a little more patience to explain things, and I'm grateful for that.

Imagine your ideal world for a few seconds, and tell us what it would be like.

I'm not an idealist. I don't believe such things are possible. But if it were up to me, we wouldn't have the need for frivolous ideals, like patriotism or religion.

We're misunderstood, from multiple sides. Share anything you think anyone reading this should know, whether they're trying to figure their own gender, struggling to accept it, dealing with the issues that come with it, or simply wish to know when it comes to anything TG.

You really need to be able to listen to yourself in figuring these things out. I went for years thinking that I would eventually love my body, and that what I was experiencing was average - surely, every girl wants to have a flat chest and slim thighs, right? It wasn't until more recently that I realized that what I was feeling wasn't going to diminish overnight. It had nothing to do with female beauty standards, and everything to do with feeling assembled wrong.

Don't scrutinize past you in figuring yourself out, either. We all do, from time to time. But what matters is how you feel now, and at the end of the day, Barbies and toy trucks are just Barbies and toy trucks, not deep dives into our psyches.

 

How do you identify?

Transgender Man

Describe your relationship between sexuality and gender.

When I was younger I always thought I was a straight female. That's only because I didn't think it was really possible to be a man in a woman's body, despite all the feelings I had. Then when I found out it was possible, and I began to identify as male, my orientation obviously changed to being a gay man. But I had one problem with this, I didn't have the necessary parts, causing whatever sex drive I had to be little to none, because I really don't want to have sex or preform sexual acts as long as I'm in this female body.

What has your experience with the cisgender population, LGB and not?

I've had a pretty positive experience with the cisgender population. All of my friends have no judgement towards the LGBT community. Some of which are in it. My parents were transphobic prior to me coming out; but now that I'm out, they don't dare say things towards transgender people in any negative way.

Imagine your ideal world for a few seconds, and tell us what it would be like.

No discrimination. Everyone just minds their own business and are willing to understand what they aren't educated on.

We're misunderstood, from multiple sides. Share anything you think anyone reading this should know, whether they're trying to figure their own gender, struggling to accept it, dealing with the issues that come with it, or simply wish to know when it comes to anything TG.

Don't be afraid to educate yourself, let the transgender person speak and listen to them. I can't stress that enough. I don't understand why people are so afraid and stubborn of learning things they just don't know.

 

How do you identify?

Transman

Describe your relationship between sexuality and gender.

This will be interesting, so get a drink and a snack.

My experience was interesting, especially as a kid. While I always felt like a boy, I don't think it made a big impact on my sexuality. I had the hots for guys and girls, and I apparently wasn't afraid to show it since I was told I was trying to kiss a lot of the kids I went to daycare with. I can't really make a comment about what I was back then, but I'm pretty sure little me wouldn't have noticed anything was weird.

Things didn't become hectic until I tried to bury a part of me and my sexuality was all over the damn place by the time I was a teen. I was a hot mess, I'll say that much. My sexuality became rather fluid, since I was leaning and shifting on which "team" I preferred. Back in my early high school years, I leaned more towards women, and now I'm leaning way towards men (and I have small moments where I do say I'm a gay man).

What has your experience with the cisgender population, LGB and not?

For the most part, I don't have complaints. A few of the reactions I got were absolutely positive and I had no problems with anyone, queer or otherwise. I recall one moment I came out as trans and my friend was more curious about what pansexuality was when he asked what this meant for my sexuality. With another, I was met with nothing but unconditional love and him saying I'll always be a brother to me. However, this doesn't disregard some things I faced like being called "dyke" or hearing some "cis-privilegey" and borderline transphobic stuff from a buddy of mine who claimed to be a trans* ally. It's a mixed bag, but whatever.

Imagine your ideal world for a few seconds, and tell us what it would be like.

No war. No violence. No bigotry. Kind of like John Lennon's "Imagine". Everyone living together in perfect harmony.

We're misunderstood, from multiple sides. Share anything you think anyone reading this should know, whether they're trying to figure their own gender, struggling to accept it, dealing with the issues that come with it, or simply wish to know when it comes to anything TG.

Just be true to yourself and the pieces will come together on their own with time. As far as wanting to know anything when it comes to TG issues; listen to the TG person speaking to you, avoid intrusive and possibly offensive questions, respect ones pronouns and when in doubt, check trans* related websites and interact with others on forums or check the typical FAQ section.