Did you lose all your friends when you came out?

One of my fears for coming out is losing friends and them treating me differently. Just wondering, has anyone lost any friends once they came out? Has anyone's friendship grown stronger because of it? Also, has anyone gained new good friends once out?

 

I've gotten closer with most of my friends. The stress of keeping in the closet made me unable to have proper relationships. If you lose friends because of coming out, they aren't worth being friends with anyway.

Be who you are, not what they want you to be.

 

Not yet. I've been pretty selective about who I come out to. If anything, I've noticed relationships have become stronger. Being more open about my identity's lead to feeling less guarded and that, in turn, leads to more relaxed social interations.

 

One of my friends has been betting I'd come out for about 5 years. The rest are all fine with it. They all understand the idea that being bi doesn't mean I automatically want to screw them so what do they have to worry about...but then I have excellent friends

 

All of the above.

When I initially came out, I was admittedly selective in who I came out to and as I was in a serious relationship, the friends I didn't tell drifted from being close to acquaintances. I made many new friends, and still have the dear close friends who I had told.

Sometimes you don't have to lose friends, but you will probably have a good inkling on who will be very receptive and others who could go either way. The important thing is you do it on your terms, at the pace you want to, and to as many or as little people as you wish.

 

I came out in the early 90s. Number of friends lost: 0.

Lex

 

Difference in treatment? None. That was a big concern of mine too, but really it hasn't happened.

Loss of friends? Not due to my sexuality. However, my lying about crush stuff in the wake of coming out triggered the loss/weakening of the couple others involved. That was dumb and you can avoid it.

 

I have more friends now than I did when I was in the closet. Although that might have to do with several factors I was facing at the time. It should be noted none of my friends are, to my knowledge at time of printing this, LGBT - save but those I've met here.

Since coming out I've (socially and mentally/emotionally) grown a lot. I now have more opportunities to make friends then I did back then. I'm more sure of myself and less awkward (thanks in great part to retail work experience, where one is forced to deal with others...) On top of it all, I am (or was, somewhere in between current and past-tenses, as it is still sort of happening) a late-bloomer socially.

But no. I didn't lose any friends. I actually took the lessons learned from coming out and used them to gain friends.

 

Friends I've lost due to my sexuality: 0
Friends I've lost due to other stuff: A lot more than the former. Lol.

But Hell, if you lose friends over as something as... non-dramatic as sexuality, well, that says a lot about them now doesn't it? There's no rush, you could always start by coming out to a few people who are close to you and then going from there.

 

I sure didn't. Now that I'm out to them, I'm so much more myself and they can tell I'm happier. That's saying a lot too, because I'm from Alabama (the land of conservatives). XD

If anyone stops being your friend just because you come out, then they weren't your true friends to begin with.

 

I lost my childhood best friend of nine years after I came out as a transman. By the time I came out, our relationship wasn't as strong as it used to be, so it was kind of the final straw that split us apart.

After we stopped talking, eventually the rest of our friends started avoiding me and now I only have a few decent friends at school that I spend time with. I'm not nearly as close with them as I was with my former group.

Reflecting on it makes me angry, because these were people I essentially grew up with and assumed I could tell them anything and have them accept me, but I guess not. At least I know I'm going to have a great network of friends at university, so I'm not all that concerned. They weren't real friends anyway, considering their behaviour, and it's best that I found out as soon as I did compared to later on.

 

I had and still have two solid friends who know. Looking at my circle, I wouldn't expect to be shunned, I just haven't really found the right time to be "hey guess what".

Funny enough when I told my two closest girl friends the one said "I love you, you're strong"... and the other said "I guess it's my turn to admit that I have come to terms with my bisexuality as well"... so it was definitely not what I expected. They both are coming to St. Cloud Pride with me in Sept.

Now if I could just grow a pair and tell my family.

 

What a very depressing thread title.

I lost none of my friends. If anything, I feel more comfortable around them. I even gained a friend, one of my co-workers is a lesbian (I had no clue!) and we got a lot closer after I came out.

EDIT
I was very scared my friends would start treating me differently because I've been "lying" to them for years, but luckily that didn't happen either.

 

I had been dating a girl for almost a year when I came out and I lost some friends due to the breakup. I don't think I would've lost friends were it not for that. I haven't lost any other friends.

I've gained plenty of new friends since coming out by attending LGBT-focused events (lotta happy hours).

 

That is extremely heartbreaking. I hate that so much. I think the reason they feel that way is because, deep down, they're a bit insecure. They don't have the mind capacity to fully understand what is going on. A true friend would stick with you and try to research why a person wants to change their sex.

I used to be a bit skeptical of the whole thing when I was younger (about 13 years old). And what did I do? I researched what makes people want to change. I learned that it is proven fact that someone does not feel right in their birth-assigned body, because they feel that their mind is that of another gender. It is not a mental disorder, and it is not a choice. It's just who they are. After reading that, I understood.

I just can't believe your friends treated you that way. You're a wonderful person. It's their loss. >_>

 

Basically, my (former) best friend said I was weird for wanting to be a guy, and said that trans people are just really confused and unsure of themselves. Which was so hypocritcal since she claimed herself as "pansexual"...

That's awesome you took the time to research trans* people and not come to such ridiculous assumptions. Just like with sexuality, gender isn't a disorder nor is it a choice.

Blah. I'll find better friends shortly, I know of it. Thanks for being so sweet. (*hug*)

 

I had a group of mates at school I had guessed a few would turn their back on me when they found out I was gay. only one of them stood by me and he was one who thought all this was a phase he never accepted the full gay thing the rest of them either just walked away or confronted me I had a few fights because of it .I wasn't dealing with stuff well back then I was quite hurt by it all.:icon_sad:

 

I lost a few, but they were like really special :x Like everyday they we would always have a funny conversation and I'd really like it. Now that I told them, it just gets awkward and those conversations I used to have just seemed to disappear. But with that, I've actually gained a lot more friends that supported me ^___^

 

She's wrong to assume that a trans person is just generally confused about who they are. That is extremely hypocritical of her to consider herself pansexual, when she can't even accept her best friend as trans. How does that even make sense? o_o

I'm sure you will find better friends. You're a great person. (*hug*)

 

I know my previous post was a little depressing but it's not all doom & gloom made some more friends after feeling sorry for myself for a bit but I got out more started to feel happier