Okay Help!

[Beebo]

Kay, so as most of you know, I'm a christian, in a christian youth group... Anyways, my friend who is also in the youth group, told me he was BI. So I told him about this site and stuff, but he never joined.

Anyways, today, about a month later, I talk to him over msn, and he tells me that he prayed a long time about it, and he doesnt feel that way anymore. Here is a quote from the convo:

Đãя†ëѓFﺎỹ .,. -- PNG-help support says:
well see i took a long hard look at myself and prayed alot about it and really im not gay or bi at all, i was just really lonely and because of all teh issues ive had with my dad sometimes i want to be held in a big guys arms to feel taht security and stuff and i unno its just not who i am

Đãя†ëѓFﺎỹ .,. -- PNG-help support says:
like just cus i feel totally comfortable cuddling with a guy just as much as a girl

Đãя†ëѓFﺎỹ .,. -- PNG-help support says:
does not mean im attracte dto guys

Đãя†ëѓFﺎỹ .,. -- PNG-help support says:
im just comfortable lol

Đãя†ëѓFﺎỹ .,. -- PNG-help support says:
im just toooo touchy feely lmao

MIke MacKenzie -- what if the mountains all stood up and walked away says:
ic

MIke MacKenzie -- what if the mountains all stood up and walked away says:
[:P]

MIke MacKenzie -- what if the mountains all stood up and walked away says:
U CONVERT!!!!!!!!!!

MIke MacKenzie -- what if the mountains all stood up and walked away says:
hahahaha kidding!

MIke MacKenzie -- what if the mountains all stood up and walked away says:
[]


soooooooo what do I say to that?

[KatoKumi]

Well if he doesn't wanna accept himself, you can't make him.

I have a lot of those friends. They think my being gay is because of my relationship with my brother. Apparently I just want another guy to fill the void my brother left.

But idk, that guy should be smarter about it. You can't deny attraction or feelings. They're there. And suppression is not healthy at all.

[Beebo]

*sigh* Hes a pretty unhappy kid as it is. I'd hate for him to get worse.

[Trumpetplyer23]

I'd tell him that it didn't matter to me if he was bi/gay. That I'd still be his friend and accept him and that I'm always there for him.

I've had a friend like this myself, and this is what I said and eventually she opened up a bit more.

[KatoKumi]

People who can't accept themselves tend to be unhappy :/
If you can't embrace what you wanna do, and who you're attracted to, then it's hard to be comfortable. And therefore: hard to be happy.

I think you should just be as open to it as he is. And tell him that you want him to be happy. And probably the one way to do it, is to accept who he really is?

[Beebo]

what if he really was confused though? would I be setting myself up for murder.

[Trumpetplyer23]

All people who are gay/bi/confused/whatever just want to know that their friends care about them. That's the point I would emphasize, I wouldn't push his sexuality out of him, because he'd probably hate you. Give him time, love, and patience. He'll be okay, just let him know you care.

[KatoKumi]

High five@trumpetplayer.
Just what I was thinking too.

[Beebo]

thanks guys.

[ccdd]

Originally Posted by Trumpetplyer23

All people who are gay/bi/confused/whatever just want to know that their friends care about them. That's the point I would emphasize, I wouldn't push his sexuality out of him, because he'd probably hate you. Give him time, love, and patience. He'll be okay, just let him know you care.

I agree with this too. You just have to make clear that you're there for him, and that you care about him whatever, and will always be his friend. But if he is not ready to accept his sexuality, or is unsure, I don't believe that there is actually anything you can do to help. I think that with most people, they come out to themselves when they are ready. The fact that he has admitted it to himself once means that now, hopefully, the idea will be being processed unconsciously in his head for some future date.

So just continue being his friend, and don't badger him about his sexuality, as when he is ready, he will be ready.

[Trumpetplyer23]

Originally Posted by Beebo

thanks guys.

Your welcome Beebo. Good luck with your friend.

[joeyconnick]

Oh I just hate it when people are like, "Oh you are having 'those feelings' because you have a crappy relationship with some man in your life!" It's so stupid! There are plenty of gay people who have perfectly fulfilling relationships with the important people of the same sex in their lives. And it totally assumes that homosexuality is some kind of "broken" sexuality, that heterosexuality is the "healthy" "whole" sexuality that everyone is supposed to have and that being gay is some warping of that.

Anyway, on top of being supportive as everyone has said, you might want to work into your conversation that having "those feelings" is not anything to do with having an absent father/male authority figure or domineering mother/female authority figure and that that thinking went out with the 70s if not before that. In a nice way. Like if you happen to have decent relationships with both your parents, you could bring that up.

[Micah]

I would like to add that just you have feelings towards the same sex doesn't make you gay. It's entirely possible that your friend is straight, and that the feelings were a passing thing (not at all disimilar to how some gays have feelings towards women).

It's impossible to tell how likely that scenario is; but remember it's always a possibility.