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What's it like for a gay man dating/having sex with a woman?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by LaurieAnderson, Sep 9, 2013.

  1. LaurieAnderson

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    I know someone in this situation -- who's gay, and not open about it (especially to his girlfriend) -- and, well, I care for him and the thought of what he is going through is painful for me. Because I know that I could *never* fake a relationship, as in I know I'd never be able to get away with it. I would never be able to do you-know-what, or kiss her, or tell her I love her, or not look at cute boys. I know a lot of people have gone through this and come out the other end the better, after the relationship dissolved.

    So I guess my question is a bit personal -- but I think shedding light on this situation might be healing for some people, and will help me understand what some men (including my friend) go through. What's your story with dating a girl? How long did it last? How old were you? Did you ever actually think you were in love? Was it painful everyday, or did it not much bother you? How did you have sex with a woman, when your heart lie elsewhere? What was it like? Were you unhappy? Did you stare at men? Did you cheat? Did you ever feel guilty, or like a cheat? How far did your relationship get? Do you think she ever suspected anything?

    Thanks for shedding any light on this.
     
  2. Ohhai

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    I'm a woman, and despite being gay since I was 7, I dated a man from the age of 16-18. I didn't love him at first, he loved me, but I kept at it, and yes, I fell in love with him. I enjoyed sex with him, spending time with him, etc. The feelings for women never went away though. After a while, I became unhappy, because being with a man is not what I wanted. My ex never suspected a thing. I was kind of homophobic though, and so was he.
    Now, he accuses me of using him for a baby and to hide my gayness. That isn't true. There was genuine love.
     
  3. penguin machine

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    I guess it doesn't really count with me because I'm bisexual, but I've dated 5 girls (2 serious, 3 high school) and only one guy (though I've been on dates with 3 other guys). I've never known a love like the love I share with my boyfriend, but I put that down to dating girls who absolutely were not right for me. I thought about naked men during sex sometimes (I wasn't at a point where I actually fantasized about doing anything with men, they were just erotic pictures to me). I felt dirty, ashamed, and broken every time I did it. It wasn't often, just when I was having difficulty getting to the end of things.

    Maybe you could clarify a little, how does he describe his situation? Does he say he's miserable, or that he wants out? Does he say he's only faking the relationship for appearances? Does he love her? Does her ever claim he doesn't love her? All of these things matter.
     
  4. pinklov3ly

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    I've been in your friend's shoes before and it was very challenging. I met my ex when I was 15, but we started dating once I turned 19 (he knew that I liked women as well.) We dated on and off for nearly 5 years and eventually we called it quits because we were both unhappy. I will admit that I loved him very much and I still do, but I had to do what is best for me. I actually tried to change for him, but it was very difficult suppressing my feelings for women, so much so that it made me feel ill. I'd try not to look at women, and I felt so ashamed, but not any more!

    He and I, have kids together, and I think that's my biggest reason for holding back. I wanted to raise our kids together, but unfortunately, things don't always workout as we wish.
     
  5. Hrantou

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    I dated a girl once for about a month. I knew I was gay, I just wanted to be seen as "cool" and it was a way to show people that I WAS actually ok and someone actually loved me! I was young and stupid.

    Anyway, it was just like hanging with a friend. I just couldn't show her the affection she wanted. She wanted to kiss and hold hands and hug, and I couldn't pick up on it. Most of the time, I just acted I was with a friend. I didn't do it on purpose. I just couldn't show her I loved her, because I didn't. Hence, why it only lasted a month.

    It was weird. I don't feel that bad though since it turned out she got pregs a month after we broke up from some random guy. Turns out they were talking while we were dating. Oh well! :slight_smile: