BACK from my banning, BWAAH, lol

Heeyyy everyone! You probz all forgot about me, but it's Stefani the trannaay. Soo yeaah back from my banning. It's been a longg month, lot's to talk about, but I am going to leave out some of the drama (*cough* getting kicked out by my parents and moving to Seattle only to move back to the East Coast two weeks later *massive eyeroll*).
But anyway...yeah, well, I have decided recently to detransition and live as a gay male.

I could go on forever about all the milliooons of reasons why I decided to cease transition, but the simplest is it wasn't making me happy. It's not that I don't FEEL female inside or wish I was born that way, simply that transition was simply not enough for ME, personally. And it's okay. Starting the process...seeing Stefani and seeing how she was exactly as I imagined and how (if I do say so myself) beautiful she was...it was all good for me. I can finally let go of her now and once again embrace Seth.

And you know what? I have now come to love this new identity...the dysphoria still has its days but all of a sudden? I love being a boy. I can't believe I am even SAYING that but it is undeniably true. I am just so happy now with my super femme/androgynous, twinky, gay boy life, now, it's unreal. And it couldn't have happened without starting transition - it took trying to become the person I WISH I was born as to appreciate the person I WAS born as, if that makes sense. And I feel this new authenticity in my own skin that I NEVER felt, pre transition or during transition.

Anywayys, sooo I have also decided to start actively seeking love in my life, as I realize I need someone to share this, crazy, insane journey with. I went on a date the other night...got my first kiss! )) which was awesome. Now I'm going on another date this Saturday, with a different guy. We're going to our local Gay Pride together ) (and yess, my boobs have almost completely disappeared already, soo no worries with dating gay guys)

Anyway...all of this...it's come with this amazing realization. I am unwritten, I truly am (cue Natasha Bedingfield). I can be anyone and anything I want, and what comes next is going to be a surprise, cuz my life? It is nothing if not full of surprises. Sometimes amazingly good sometimes absolutely terrible, but always totally life altering. And that's what makes it so interesting to be me and to just be ALIVE, and everyday I continue down the crazy winding paths my constantly evolving heart takes me down, I FEEL more alive.

I hope I can hope for the same support the EC community gave me through the last change in my life again through this new one. Also, to clarify: Seth and male pronouns are what I use now, so don't feel uncomfortable using these <333

 

Ooops, sorrry for the wall of text, guys...edited that for y'aall loolz

 

Aww, thanks and true, gay boys doo know how to have fun. I dunno..it's just a relief. My dream turned out to feel like a fantasy and living it felt like a nightmare. Now living what was once my worst nightmare feels like I am living in a crazy dream, only I am reaaally happy, it's unreal. Go figure. Life isn't what you'd think sometimes.

 

It's weird cause I identified soo strongly as female my whole life..this is really like discovering my boy side for the first time. And it's new and exciting and awesome, surprisingly, not dysphoric and horrible like I expected.

I dunno where I'm going to go from here...just going wherever life takes me and not thinking about it. Girl, boy, whatever. I'm just going to be ME, whichever I am..

---------- Post added 10th Sep 2013 at 03:36 PM ----------

Thaanks

Exactly! This exaactly! If I never transitioned, I'd never be happy with being a boy. In a weeird weird way this is like a female-to-male journey XD

I don't think the goal of transition is to be a boy or to be a girl. It's to be happy and comfortable with yourself. Sometimes that happens in an unexpected way.

 

Geewd, now I'm going to murder my worst enemy, mwahaha. But seriously, thanks for the wb

 

Yeaah, haha. I feel like..bringing out Stefani, I THOUGHT would mean saying goodbye to Seth. But, really, it just meant finally getting to see this person and face her...not to become her but to let go of her. I dunno if that makes sense outside my head...

And thaanks XD you're too sweet. A lot of people said I look better as a girl lool, I dunnno. Except gay boys, they defs prefer boy-me seems like haha XD

 

All,

Thanks so much daarlin'

@2112,

Hmm yeahh. Well, I DO have two voices: gay boy, cisgirl. I must say my cisgirl voice, at it's best, passed amaaazingly well and was SUPA high pitched, so you probz imagined right. And it's been kinda hard going back to my boy voice XD tbh? I have passed as a girl many times post-detransition despite being 5'11, flat chested (almost 100%) and short haired. Soo yeeah my voice may be a problem but tbh it works with my twinky look too and a lot of gay guys say it's cute so ima just not bother with it XD

 

@Frank,

Mm, yeah. And thank you! Everyone who knew me, even the ones who weren't supportive so much said they thought I would make a stunning woman. And I dunno.

For me...beauty and passing, they weren't my issues. It was...well, authenticity. I transitioned to feel RIGHT in my own skin, and I thought the result would be a very pretty, female me. Instead I ended up just being happy being a boy...just the simplicity of it is so sweet to me, now. I can just SAY "I'm a boy" no doubts, no baggage, nothing. Just me.

Not sure if this makes sense..just the way it is for me. Tho I will probs keep taking anti-androgens for a whiile just so I can be 100% sure