I love writing and reading. As a kid, I wanted to be a writer, along with any other profession I'd dream to pursue. My teachers and parents always told me that I have writing skills, and I've also won a philosophical writing contest for high school students. The problem is... I still don't seem to have any confidence. When people say that I write well, it just makes me feel embarrassed. Sometimes I am proud of my writings but, again, I'm too afraid to show them to anybody, due to the fear that i'm not good enough or that people will think I'm overweening. I'm jealous of confident people of my age, who publish theirs on the internet, and sometimes I get mean, thinking that I'm better than some of them, and I hate myself for being shy. And for being mean and bitter and secretly arrogant. This feeling takes away the pleasure I used to get from writing, because I constantly feel like I'm writing to win a contest, not for self satisfaction. I mostly write down my thoughts about anything, from the society to my feelings, poems from time to time, and I imagine things about random people who catch my eye. However, I can't write any short stories. I can narrate a single scene with some kind of plot and meaning, but it's never a full story. Maybe I'd show some samples, since I don't know you in person, but I can't translate them to english. Has anyone been there?
The only solution, I think, to your doubts is...wait for it...just keep writing! When you're writing, your mind is in a different place, your concerns melt away, so just write some more, enjoy the moment of creation, get into the flow of putting words to screen, of painting pictures with letters, and evoking whole worlds out of nothing. Only when you are writing will you forget all the nonsense that goes on about it, or the value judgments that tag along. They're not important, the writing is important...just keep doing that and see what emerges. You will find, after a while, that you will have discovered your voice, your "style" as it were. That is a long and hard struggle, because you can't force it, you need to write and read and write again and there will be many false starts. Ever read first books by famous authors? I heard an editor say once that these books reveal the joy that the author feels because they're onto something new and exciting. They've found their voice and their first books reveal the joy in that discovery. Their subsequent books, although very good, seem to lack that quality. Forget about judgment, work to find your voice, all the rest is noise.
As the great, greatwhale said, just keep writing and the confidence will come. Only yesterday I finished my second novel. It's almost 83,000 words and I really, really want a publishing deal; however, I know that it's so unlikely. Writing is so great because you can tweak and tweak until it's perfect, and something you're proud of. If you ever need someone to take a look at your writing, or just a scene, I'm more than happy to give my honest critique. Very best of luck Dan
I've been going through writer's block myself. That's why it's taken two years and two drafts to finally get my novel right, and I've got 156 pages and I'm just getting started.
I know how you feel. My biggest issue -- not only with writing but also acting -- is that I get compliments, yet I doubt their sincerity. To compound that, I'm terrible about judging my own work, which makes me strive for perfection. Taking into account my poor judgement, I can't tell whether my perfectionism is helping or harming my previous skills, so I just get depressed... such is the fate of those subject cruel subjectivity.