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Bisexuals in hetero relationships leading LGBT causes

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by robotkitty, Sep 14, 2013.

  1. robotkitty

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    Hi, I've recently started a heterosexual relationship with a cis-guy. Its was quite a surprise to me. I didn't think I would ever have a serious relationship with a guy again, let alone a straight, cis-gender one! We've been together for almost a year and leaning towards monogamy.

    I work exclusively in LGBT spaces. More than just work in them, I manage a LGBT centre. I'm feeling very badly about taking up space in the community now that I experience heterosexual privilege. If it was someone else saying this to me, I would tell them that their current relationship does no negate their past experiences. At the same time, I would tell them to manage their privilege (ie, follow instead of lead). Well, I made a career in leading. What do I do now?

    How do you feel about bisexual people in exclusively heterosexual relationships taking up a lot of space in LGBTQ spaces?
     
  2. SheBang

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    I find it pretty appalling that, essentially, you'd tell someone who was bisexual that you give them "permission" to participate in LGBT spaces, but only as a follower. In fact, I'd say that's proof that more bisexuals need to take lead. Just because we can experience heterosexual privilege if we're in a straight relationship does not mean we don't experience discrimination, including that from the LGBT community, which we are supposed to be a part of. Both gay and straight people label us as sluts, tell us that we're in denial, or think we're doing it for attention, etc. Some won't even date us because they're afraid that we're more likely to cheat, especially with the opposite sex (which, for some strange reason, seems to make it worse in their eyes?). We deal with our own unique set of problems, in addition to many that gay people face if we're out about our orientation. No group's struggles are any less valid than the others.
     
  3. DatChickBassist

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    Agreed. Bisexuals have a place in the LGBT community just like everyone else. There seem to be a lot of misconceptions about bisexuality and maybe someone could clear them up.
     
  4. Straight ally

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    Hey... I want one day to lead just like you, and if you look closely, below my username you will see im straight and cis-gender, oh and i'm male. I have a priviledge that is permanent and the primary one, i dont have to struggle agains society at least not for orientation or gender reasons.

    As a straight ally that is my precise function, to show other straight people that is possible to be straight and stand up, also to use the priviledge i was given by society to help LGTB people have those same priviledges, i use my priviledges against heteronormativity, i shoot my enemy with the same weapons he gave me. The homophobic people, who idolize heterosexuality and shut their ears and eyes to LGTB people, they listen to me, that way i can change their state of mind, so they begin paying attention to LGTB issues. See? I can use my privildeges in favor of LGTB people.

    Now, on how can yiu fight for LGTB people while being bisexual and having a partner of opposite sex:

    Many people believe that bisexuals people,specialy bisexual girls, are slutty. There for they think bisexual girls are hook-up material, but not dating material, in other words they believe no one would ever date you except maybe someone like you. By dating a straight guy you contradict them, you show them you have value as a girlfriend, that you can commit to a monogamous relationship.that will begin working in their minds.

    Also, supporting gay rights give you sort of some "gayness points" i mean, there are people who think im gay because i support gay people, some believe im lying when i tell them im straight, in your case, being bisexual you have more "gayness points" so you score high enought for many people in gayness....BUUUUUT, also you gain a straight priviledge, because you are with a man,they will conclude that you are not defending LGTB cause for self serving reasons as you are in a straight relationship. Because of that, They will pay more attention to what you say or do because of that, you will be seen as solidary...yes, i know is ridicolous that they pay less attention to gay people but that is how society works and we have to use that in the way that gives us more advantage.

    Also you become a voice for bisexual people, you create visibility, you inspire those in straight relatinships to come out the closet.

    Finally , another reason for you to lead is precisely what you mentioned, with is the discrimination from both sides, this moment , more than ever, is when you most lead the most.. .lead lead lead,be an example for bisexual people, fight agains discrimination from both sides...

    Btw i second what the previous poster said.

    :goodluck: :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
    #4 Straight ally, Sep 14, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2013
  5. GreenSkies

    GreenSkies Guest

    I would definitely say that you do not have straight privilege and that it's absolutely appropriate for you to take a leadership role in an LGBT setting. First of all, you list yourself as genderqueer, so you definitely fit under the trans* label. Second of all, just because you are in a relationship with someone of a different gender does not mean you are straight or that you get straight privilege. It's possible that you sometimes "pass" as straight, but passing and privilege are not the same thing. As I'm not out yet, I pass too, but I wouldn't call that straight privilege. I also think that people at the LGBT center would most certainly benefit from a bisexual leader who identifies as genderqueer.
     
  6. DesertTortoise

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    Maybe 'leadership' is the real problem here.
     
  7. Argentwing

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    Working for GSM equality should be respected whether or not one enjoys straight privilege. Right now I am, for all outside intents and purposes, straight. Hetero relationships are all I've ever had, and a precious few people know that I have even a minuscule desire for guys (despite the fact that it's actually a considerable desire :wink:).

    It may appear to be from the outside, but straight-appearing bisexuals are not playing by the same rules as exclusively straight people. We still get stigmatized and thus still have a horse in the race.
     
    #7 Argentwing, Sep 14, 2013
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2013
  8. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    As long are you acknowledge your own privileges, like you obviously do, then stay and lead away! Fuck everyone that tries to take away for your work simply because you are dating a cis guy now.

    The president of the GSA at our campus is in your same position, and everyone loves her and her work.

    Stay and lead on <3
     
  9. stuffiscool

    stuffiscool Guest

    "genderqueer" "opposite gender relationship" "straight privilege" uhhh

    It's always good to acknowledge one's advantages, but being assumed to be straight in an opposite gender relationship is straight passing privilege. It's not "straight privilege" anymore than a lesbian/gay couple who can get legally married or has an accepting family is "straight privilege". You experience a "straight" relationship differently than actual straight people (although you aren't straight nor of binary gender). For example, if people knew you were bisexual, they might tell your partner that you're gonna cheat on them.

    ---------- Post added 14th Sep 2013 at 09:01 PM ----------

    example article

    example article 2
     
  10. Capsaicin

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    How is following instead of leading "managing privilege"? Sorry, but that sounds like bullshit to me. Leadership and speaking out is for those who are passionate about a cause and capable, not as a badge of honor for who has it hardest.

    If people want to wank over how hard their life is in comparison to others, they should butt out and allow people who want LGBT to be treated with compassion and respect to do their work. :thumbsup:
     
  11. Argentwing

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    Well, as they say, some people are only happy when they can be offended by something.
     
  12. blueberrymuffin

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    We're such a small minority that we absolutely need people with "hetero privilege" to lead too. It brings 'credibility' and also the support is touching. Looking at what "Straight ally" said, I'm absolutely honored to have him speaking for me.

    Bisexuals have their own set of issues and stereotypes to combat. Especially if this has been your passion, i sure wouldn't expect you to just give it up. You're still LGBT (though again, i don't think that's a requirement). I also doubt if you asked anyone at your centre that they'd want you to step away. It's a common purpose after all.
     
  13. jargon

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    As a bi person, I'd be very happy to see it, since it shows:

    (1.) that bi people are clearly represented within the LGBT(Q+) community on equal footing with other members of that community, and

    (2.) because it might carry a message to "monosexual" members of the community that bisexual people aren't all content to rest on their "straight privilege" when in an opposite-sex relationship - many of us care about the community as a whole even when our relationships protect us from certain kinds of oppression. We can ever be willing to imperil that privilege by taking on a relatively high-profile leadership role in the community.