coming out

[jason1111]

I just went through the going back in the closet stage where I told everybody I was straight again I keep going back and forth. I know I'm gay I just don't want to be, maybe its because I'm treated a certain way know and I don't want that to change plus I don't think other gay guys would find me interesting.

I don't do the typical gay stuff, like clubbing and sleeping around and I collect medevil actifacts like knives. My behavior isn't want you would call gay and I don't want anyone to know. This happens alot, then I start to get depressed.

In my mind being gay is the end of the world, and I don't know how to change that thinking.

[KatoKumi]

Typical? What's the behavior you call gay? Really, if you explored this site, you'll see everyone is different, and stereotypes don't hold up as well if you actually get to know the people within them.

Why is it the end? I see it as a new beginning. Elaborate?

[jason1111]

I guess I'm being vague I shouldn't lump everybody into one category everybody is diffenert I'm a big guy so I don't fit the thin guy mold I guess.

[jason1111]

I'm just really shy around other gay guys I don't know what to say but around straight people I can talk fine I get intimidated I guess.

[KatoKumi]

The thin guy mold isn't gay people's doing. That's any area of attraction. Straight or gay. I don't think you need to have a specific body, or a separate state of mind to be anything.

I think you should just get comfortable with your sexuality. No one else is going to be if you're not.

[Lexington]

Dude, gay means one thing. The people you're attracted to are the same sex as you. That's it. It ends there.

Other people might assume it means other things. That you're flamboyant, that you're flighty, that you love disco music and love drama, whatever. It doesn't (necessarily). It means just that one thing - you dig guys.

Clubbing and sleeping around ARE things that some gays do, but they're not what all gays do. They're not even what MOST gays do. Anymore than most straight guys have beer bellies, paint their faces for their favorite sporting events, and go bowling on Thursdays. Yes, these people exist, but they're just a standard stereotype that represents a much larger, more diverse group.

I'm a season ticket holder to a contact sport.
I dress like a slob.
I listen to rock music much more than disco or dance.
But guess what? I'm still gay.
And whatever else is true of you - your hobbies, your tatses, your fashion sense - so are you.

There are gay guys out there who won't be interested in you if you don't like sleeping around or clubbing. That's totally true. But there are tons of others who don't do those things. And there are some who WOULD be interested in you. Because you're an interesting person with a lot to offer.

Lex

[jason1111]

Thanks Lex that is helpful, how do you keep an upbeat frame of mind about being gay. You kind of sound like me, if you were closer we could be friends.

I have a friend from EC that lives in Canada, way far away from me. We still talk though, and its nice. If he showed a little more confidence we might actually end up hooking up, too. I also aspire to collect medieval weapons when I get older, I've got a few now but cannot afford a nice collection. So yeah, even people who collect medieval weapons can be gay too!

[xballetxbeautyx]

Medieval weapons? That's awesome.

Hey Jason! Sounds like you're in a tough spot- I wouldn't worry, though. If you feel comfortable in the closet, then I think it's fine to stay there. When you feel you're ready to tell people again, tell them! It doesn't matter if you look/act gay, and if they don't believe you because you don't live up to their stereotypes then that's their problem.

Good luck! ~megan~

[lostinthought9]

who says you have to come out? and who says that u have to be labeled??
-you should come out or stay in, on your own terms, and you dont have to label yourself as gay, bi, or w/e....