I used to date this girl who claimed she was gay; however, she's currently with her kids father and now, they have a new baby together. I'm just curious because I'm pretty sure I am gay, but if she's capable of maintaining this straight lifestyle, then why can't I? I have a girlfriend and I am happy, but I feel like may be I did not try hard enough. So what's wrong with me? I think most of her lack of self acceptance/denial comes from her kids father's religion, also think she has been brainwashed. So, my question is, is possible to make the decision not to embrace your sexuality because of other peoples' lack of acceptance?
Hmm, sounds to me like possibly she was just experimenting and wasn't really gay? Which is maybe why she is with a man: she couldn't stay in a gay relationship cause it was WRONG for her, anymore then you could stay in a straight one, possibly? Not only that, there's no REASON to. There's nothing *wrong* with being gay and being yourself, and being with someone who turns you on and who you can connect with and who makes you happy. It's being true to yourself, and not denying who you are cause of what society says about being LGBT. And jaaah, you probably could sit there and be with a guy, and fake orgasms, and whatever else. And who knows! Maybe that's what your ex is doing..and if it is I guarantee she's not happy, in the least. If she IS gay, and she is with a man, then she must be very repressed, and, quite frankly, miserable.
It's possible, but it just seems like overt and complete denial, which isn't healthy at all. I'd say that most can't/don't maintain a straight lifestyle when they're not straight because they recognize that being true to themselves and others is just so much easier and places much less pressure on the individual. That's not to say that coming out is easy, but... still, it beats living a lie in the long run.
There are only 4 possible explanations: she's either bisexual, repressing her feelings, was never gay, or something else.
It doesn't sound odd to me. Back in my country there are lots of gay/bisexual people who don't accept their sexual preferences and get married. I guess in Canada it still happens in a smaller scale. If she doesn't look unhappy or struggling with it, then probably she loves her husband and kids more than herself. Back again, I can't tell it for sure.
Being gay and still being in a straight relationship doesn´t have to make one unhappy. If I was to father kids with a woman, I´m sure I could live with her and be happy raising the kids. But THEN , when they are bigger, I would like to have a male partner (also) and try to figure something out. And I´m really really gay. She might be somewhere else on the scale. I think it´s completely up to that person and not for us to judge, or trying to influence such a person to get out of the relationship. It´s her journey and it will bring her where she needs to go.
Sorry for the errors, I was a bit under the influence last night, but thanks for replies. I considered this girl my friend and I loved her very much and it hurts me to see her with him. I'm not sure if I'm feeling this way because I'm not over her completely. Then again, I used to be her when I was younger and I tried really hard to be someone I was not and I guess I envy her. She's living the so called American Dream. Not only that, she and I no longer speak because of her kids father. He's isolated her from me and it sucks because I miss her kids as well. I know that I can have this so called dream with a woman, but...I'm not really sure why I'm feeling this way all over again. I am happy in my relationship, but I guess I'm afraid that my girlfriend (she is gay) will make the same decision my ex friend made. I know its really wrong to make that assumption, but I cannot help how I feel. I do not want to feel this way, especially about someone I love. I invested so much into the relationship that I had with the girl I used to date and she just left me hanging. And it took a while for me to get over her and every time I see her, it hurts me so much. She's the one that got away and I'm sure some of you guys can relate.
The sad part is, I can relate a lot. Minus the husbando/children part, but this is pretty much what happened with me and my ex girlfriend. My ex girlfriend ranted and raved about how much she didn't like guys, and she was totally gay, et cetera. And now she's in an on again off again relationship with this guy my friends and I all happen to know. And mind you, this started less than a month after we broke up, and they kissed like two weeks after it happened. It makes me feel like garbage, because it's great to know that people can completely disregard a year + of a relationship for some miscellaneous rebound, and then it shows how little some people care for boundaries of any sort. It would have been great if they waited until school started or something, 'cause then I would have a sufficient amount of time to get over it in a better manner. But with this staring me in the face, I don't even want to bother trying to reestablish some sort of friendship. I feel like I'm learning about what kind of people I'm really dealing with. I feel like I tried damn hard, and while I was the one who was having doubts about the relationship, I still feel really bummed about it. And I am freaking out for the same exact reason you are. I mean I'm glad my ex has essentially accepted not being restricted with gender binaries and basically being pansexual, that's great for her. But I'm worried that, somehow, I will wind up in the same exact situation, get into a relationship with a guy and all that. It's not what I want, I'm not interested in dating them - but I feel like I haven't "given guys a chance" either. Which pointlessly makes me feel guilty. So, like other people have said, it could be multiple things: she's bisexual, she's in denial, she wasn't gay to begin with, or some other option. I would just try to let sleeping dogs lie in this case, it's gotta be crushing, but... Regardless, I do wish you the utmost luck in this situation. Just remember that you have a great relationship with your current girlfriend; I would figure it'd be a beacon of hope in all this. You have a great day.
Hi, iHateThinking. I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. It really does suck that people feel like they can use you in the sense to figure out their feelings. I mean, in that case, shouldn't they just remain single? It's not fair to string someone along and then decide that you prefer to be with someone else. And regardless of gender; the thing that hurt the most was that she was most likely fooling around with him the entire time I was with her because she got pregnant. And I truly believe that she is bisexual, which is fine. If I were to see her again, I don't think I would speak to her because she did me so wrong. I'm not angry or bitter even though it may sound like I am. I am just worried that it could possibly happen again, but I do not want to mess up what I have by thinking this way. It's very unhealthy and I'm not sure how to stop feeling like history will repeat itself. My girlfriend is 22, and when I was her age, I tried to make my relationship work with my kids father. However, it did not and I'm okay with it now, although it took a lot out of me to separate myself from him. So, I can kind of understand why my ex friend did what she did, but she was heartless about it. I just feel like if you're unsure about your sexuality then make sure you tell the person you're with. It's so not fair to keep people in the dark like that because technically, you are being deceitful. I think that's enough rambling now...anyways, thanks again.
