Extended Family

[Trumpetplyer23]

Well, concerning my 'out' status, I'm out to everyone. My school, my mom, and my dad. However, I'm not out to my extended family, like aunts and uncles.

I've never really felt any need. I figured, if I find a girlfriend, I could always invite my extended family and her to the same party or something, they'll find out then. I'm not afraid they'll reject me, or something, considering most of them don't even talk to me, at least this is on my mom's side.

On my dad's side its another barrel of monkeys. They are extremely homophobic, when I was about nine, my dad's sister asked my mom 'what if she's gay?' and my mom said 'it wouldn't matter to me, I'd still love her.'

My question is, have you guys come out to your extended family or haven't you? Also, is there any real need?

[beckyg]

My son has a huge extended family so once he was out to a few cousins the news spread like wildfire. However, I just can't wait for the day when I get to include my son-in-law (my sons' partner) in our family picture. If anybody says one word..........

[excuseyou77]

My mom knows and so far that's all right now as far as family goes.

The only family that currently knows about me is my mom, and that was a huge deal to get over with. The rest of my family loves to gossip, and hide their skeletons in their closets too, so just the fact that I'm a guy with very long hair, it's already an issue. I think I may have even had a possible inquiry to my sexuality tonight from one of my cousins at the family Memorial Day barbecue (a national holiday here in the US). So if I were to bring a guy home some day and let him meet the family, I would forever be "the gay cousin." Of course, this is my fear talking, but I've run the scenario a thousand times through my head in case it actually does happen, and it seems to fit

[Maddy]

No, I haven't. My parents and my sister know, but my extended family are the only people who don't. I don't think they'd take it too well. Especially one great-aunt of mine, who is an interfering old bat. She's very Catholic, and protests against abortion, vaccination, fluoride in the water, you name it - if she finds out I'm gay, her head will explode, and as much as I'd like to see that happen, it might be messy.

[Alex]

Well i intend to tell my close family.. (maybe not my dads side of it as soon as my moms) and the rest can know when i bring a guy to a family gathering...

[Grof142007]

idk my parents might have told them but i really have no need to tell them if they ever ask if i have a GF ill correct them

[musicgirl112233]

I have'nt come out to anyone in my family.

[Sam]

I've told my moms side of the family and it was generally positive besides 3 of my cousins who don't talk to me anymore and it kind of hurt me for a while because I'm very close to my moms side of the family but after awhile I just said you know what it's their loss and my moms side is so huge that it doesn't really matter that only 3 out of all of them hate me. I just sent an email to all of them with a computer and let the word spread to the rest.

For my dads side though I haven't told anybody because I don't want my grandma to know and I'm not worried about telling them yet because they all live at least a thousand miles from me and are not a huge part of my life so I'm not telling them until I'm in a relationship or unless they ask me.

It's hard to get up the nerve to do it but I'm sure whether it is now or when you get a girlfriend, it will be more positive than negative. Good luck!

Sam

[Owen]

I'm not really close to anyone in my extended family. We're very different in terms of lifestyle and beliefs, and though I think they would be generally accepting, I just don't see them that often. Once every few years at best. So there's really no point in coming out to them.

[Nodnarb]

This is an issue I've been thinking about quite a bit, actually. Pretty much my entire family lives within 30 minutes of here, and most of my dad's side lives here in town. If I were to come out at school or something, one of my cousins would come home from school and tell one of my aunts, and from there everybody would know. That will be a good way to spread the word around the extended family, but I know I want to tell my grandma in person. My dad's side is also made up of die-hard Democrats and nobody is religious, so I am pretty sure they would be perfectly fine with it.

My mom's side will be more difficult. They live farther away, and I don't have any similarly aged cousins to go tell their parents. And, they are conservitive Republicans. Grandma is pissed that my parents never went to church and she tries to force religion on us when we see her, so there could be a problem with that.....

With my dad's side I'm not at all worried about bringing a boyfriend to family gatherings in the future. I know they would all try to make sure he felt included (probably a bit too much) and nobody would object to me bringing him. But on mom's side I doubt I would ever be able to bring him. Grandma wouldn't want us "converting" my little cousins


Anyways, whatever you decide to do, good luck!

[yves]

That's a question I've had to grapple with myself... and I haven't even come out to both of my parents yet! I've never actually been in a same-sex relationship, given that I've only recently been coming out in any real capacity, but I imagine if I found myself in a serious relationship, I might have to or want to let some members of my extended family in on my life.

My Dad's side of the family I've been very close to over the years, so I think that they (my grandmother, aunt, two cousins: very small) would more likely than not be able to accept things if they knew that I was happy. There might be some initial tension, but I would have more faith that things would resolve themselves if that were the case. However, my Mom's side of the family is largely composed of redneck stereotypes, sad to admit. My grandfather's, um, an ex-KKK member, and my maternal grandmother and him have always been actively racist and homophobic, so that would go poorly, I know. The closest person I'd have to an ally there is a cousin who considers gay guys a fashionable novelty, heh. At the same time, I'm not nearly as close to my Mom's side of the family for the same reasons I wouldn't want to come out to them, so I might not even feel the need to come out to them in that situation.

I guess, in that respect, any real need is defined to a certain extent by who you consider family by more than just blood, n'est pas?

[SlickyPants]

I don't really get to see my extended family very often so I never really felt the need to come out to them. After telling my parents, my mom asked if I wanted to tell my grandparents and I told them it was up to her if she wanted to or not.

A few months later she told my grandparents on her side and they were fine with it. I don't know how far word has spread but my grandparents think that most of the family will not have an issue with it save for one of my uncles who's very religious.

I have a family reunion next year and I'm sure I'll hear about it from a few curious people but I don't and have never planned to make a big announcement about it.