Should you date someone even though they're not attractive to you?

You shouldn't have to date someone you aren't attracted to. Now, I'm not saying that you should ignore everyone who isn't up to your standards because at that point you are probably just being a jerk. But shaming someone for not wanting to date someone is akin to homophobia because you can't help who you are attracted to, no exceptions. Sex is a big part of any relationship and if it isn't there, it isn't there. Personality should always be #1 priority, but the relationship machine has a lot of parts it needs to make it work.

 

That's something I haven't quite figured out. I know guys who married a girl who looked like Robin Thicke with some bad makeup and a wig made out of a horse's ass, and I think, "How the f*** can you be attracted to HER!?"

On a serious note, I think we'll never find someone whose looks live up to the fantasies we fap to, but that doesn't mean that they won't still be attractive.

They say love is blind, but I don't think so. I think love is deep not shallow, but physical attraction is a big part of it. I never thought anybody liked fat guys, and lo and behold, I found one. And my second mom who lives in Washington State, she says the bigger the better. "Teddy bear men" as she calls them.

 

Do they have to be the epitome of my physical desires? No, but there has to be some form of attraction somewhere. Even those who claim to be able to look past physical appearance, are still selective based on personality and emotional characteristics (I.E. Emotional Attraction). Everyone on this earth is selective in one form, or another, and rightfully so, as everyone isn't exactly compatible with everyone.

However, being very intent on finding a certain type of individual in appearance or personality is commonly based on subconscious mindsets much more than actual compatibility. Many people that walk around with the idea that they need a certain specific 'type' of individual to find contentment are often actually driven to believe such because of being raised around a very linear, rather than diverse, environment.

Though if you find nothing appealing about an individual, personality or appearance, than it wouldn't be fair to date them. Its a fine line between giving someone a chance and letting someone believe that they actually have a chance at something they truly don't

 

It's funny: people will say you should date for personality and not looks, and that looks don't make any difference if you love each other. But as a gay man, I don't think anyone would suggest I date a woman just because "she has great personality" and "we get along so well". Why? Because I couldn't ever be attracted to her. But once you change that from "woman" to "guy who isn't my type", suddenly it somehow gets murkier.

Here are my two cents: if you have a well-defined type and you are never physically attracted to people outside of that type, then there's nothing shallow about dating exclusively within that type. It's no more shallow than not dating a woman if you're a gay man, or not dating a man if you're lesbian. It would become shallow if you only went for the hottest people within that type, or if you dated someone ONLY because they're your type, but I don't think sticking to your type is any more shallow than sticking to the sex you're attracted to if you're gay/lesbian or straight.

 

What he's saying is that it's shallow if the only reason you want to/are dating him is because he's your type.

 

Physically. Every mention of "type" in my post was meant to refer to one's physical type, not one's emotional type. Sorry that wasn't clear.

 

While I do find some guys attractive, I don't really have a present, persistent attraction unless there's a strong emotional connection, and I actually enjoy being with the person in question. So for me, it's probably likely more about personality than looks or sex appeal.

I don't know, maybe I'm just weird, but I couldn't be attracted to somebody that I wouldn't get along well with.

 

I think it's not really nice for the person you're dating if you don't find them attractive. Because it will show on how you look at them, how you act with them. They won't feel desirable.. Anyway, from my point of view.

 

Attraction is mainly caused by sex feromones. So appearance does not really matter and it is also the answer to "how can someone be attracted to THAT person".
Chemistry has his own way to link people.

Apart from that, I think one could date people you don´t feel are "hot" , because I like the idea you can have a nice time anyway and it´s not like we are all bloody hot ourselves and it´s nice if someone gives us a chance too, right? Sex can come later on, or not, and then you just date another person next time.

But, yeah, you could just want to date the ones you are attracted to. Question is if they want to date you.

 

Physical attraction is just as important as emotional attraction. Don't force yourself to be in a relationship or start dating someone who doesn't appeal to you. You are just going to hurt them in the long run.

 

Only dating hot people with good personality, is ok...superduperhiper hot people with good personality only, is ok...whoever as long as personality is good, is ok. Problems come when you only date people attractive people without having personality in account.

Because hey! Is not like having a hot girlfriend/boyfriend is a bad thing, neither is actively pursuing that specifically, having a limited range of people you consider dateable...as long as you have in account personality too, if you have personality in account everything is cool, if not, you might run into a person who is also a container of issues. The point is be as superficial as you like as long as you are deepficial too. A superfice with a dept is solid, a superfice without dept is hollow.

Just know that the more you limit your dating pool, the more patience you will need...and you will probably will have to work on any issues you have, thus becoming a better version of yourself (i said improving, not changing. Be a better version of yourself, not a better version of someone else'self) , this is important the more you limit your dating pool, the more you need to increase your chances.

Findjng someone with good personality that also loves you as you love that person, is a challenge... Finding a someone just like that, but that is also hot is a bigger challenge....its all about how much patience you have, and wether you have the will or not to take the challenge.

Oh, and this is getting long but i most add: beauty is subjective, someone's 7 might be your 10 ... The 7 you are comforming too might be another's person 10... Another reason why i prefer being somewhat selective in phisical terms...i dont want to steal someone else 10 jaja...also what i think is... If someone you know is not very attractive, but have a great persoanlity...you can always be just bestfriends! You dont have to live with that person and promise monogamy to that person, if what you love is the personality and not the body, focus on the personality only.

 

If it would make for a "coyote arm" situation, then definitely not.

If you're just "eh," then maybe.

You could always be their friend. However, it's hard to be friends when one person is attracted and the other is not.

 

Emotionally attractive? No.

I could easily date someone who I wasn't physically attracted to though. People can tell me I'm lying, but I know I could. I don't care how people look, to be honest. I do care that they're male, but that's about it. It's not even about the genitals. Guys just have a different... feeling than girls. And I don't find the feeling girls give off appealing, even though I know many others do.

It's really completely up to you. It's not something people can tell you.

 

There would be one thing that makes you want to date them, their looks, personality, etc. So there wouldn't be a 'should' or 'should not' answer, a date is mutual. If the other person initiated the date because they are attracted to you while you don't return their feelings, it hurts them to be turned down but it will hurt even more when the truth is out after the date is over. It's like a game to the one who has no interest in dating the other person.

 

Well you know, everybody's image of whats attractive if different. YOU may not find them hot, but someone out there does.

As for me, I'm one of the rare ones that I really do not care what you look like. If we get along and like each other, then we'll be fine. But I know that's very rare and I never meet anyone like that. I kinda grew to be like that, since I am very unattractive and I really can't be afford to be picky.

Anyway, all I can say is don't force yourself to be with someone if you don't find yourself attractive because it won't work. And don't be with someone just because they're hot. Yeah they can look like a greek god or goddess but that doesn't automatically make them mentally attractive

My 2 cents.

 

I actually thought about this last weekend. After having been on dates with several guys who liked me but whom I did not feel the same way for because they weren't my (mainly physical) type, I started wondering... are my standards too high? Should I go for guy X or guy Y? I mean I like their personalities...

But then I thought, if second thoughts are needed in order to start a relationship with someone, it doesn't sounds like a good thing to start with. Maybe we should be less quick to date someone, or rather: maybe it's fine to be picky. Nothing wrong with wanting a relationship that is worthwhile in both emotional and physical aspects.