In my four years here, I don't think I've ever started a personal thread but I feel like I need to because I've got pent-up frustration. I don't think my friends would guess I don't have a 'zest for life' because I slightly overcompensate, so this is one time I need a mostly-anonymous forum like here. -------- So, my second year at uni is starting and I have a horrible feeling I'm going to end up doing NO extra-curriculars/societies this year. Everyone around me is doing such awesome stuff, and at this rate all I'm going to end up with is a degree. I might be having loads of fun in the process with loads of great people, but at this rate I'm not gonna finish having achieved something special unlike (seemingly) everyone else around me. Each and every one of my friends has a huge passion: amateur TV shows, doing a sport 4-5 times a week, hosting your own festival (!!!). I envy them, but I quite like spending half my time just sitting in my room. I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone so many times (travelling around Central Asia and funding it, finding myself an au pair job in France over the summer are my two biggest things) but in truth, I've only felt that it's worth it half of the time. Can you live a reasonably lazy life and by the end of it feel proud of yourself? It's scary! Does any of this make sense? Has anyone else ever had these feelings? (Deerhunter's 'Microcastle' is much better than me at describing how I'm feeling, if anyone knows this album. But I can't identify with it. I mean, how can anyone who's been in a successful band feel inadequate in the sense of having done something with their lives?!)
I've never really felt that way because I've always had a desire to be out there, have a name, have a profound influence in art and so on. But I guess your life is just that: yours. You can be as lazy or as active as you want to be.
Just my two cents here, something that I've realized. Other people's lives sometimes seem really awesome but you shouldn't compare them to your own life as much. Why? Your own life will often seem boring in comparison because you live your life every single second of every single day, whereas you only see the highlights of other people's. The stuff that they're happy to tell you or share on facebook or twitter. Their lives are probably less exciting than they seem. I see what you're saying though, I sometimes feel the same. But god, the two things you mentioned? I mean that sounds like something to be proud of. I'm a year older than you are but have done nothing like those two things.
I feel like I don't have a big passion either. I mean, I love concerts and festivals, I can tell you everything and more about certain bands, and I do more voluntary work at the local pop venue than I spend on a paid job... but that's hardly a passion, is it? Sometimes I feel like there's so much more to life than what I'm doing. On the other hand I'm loving (almost) every moment of this and wouldn't want to change it for the world. I completely agree with this. You should be proud of it. Sidenote: I now want to listen to Deerhunter.
Oh don't get me wrong, I'm very proud of them and I definitely don't take them for granted (sorry if I sounded like a bit of a wanker there). But sometimes I feel like I've done them just because I needed something to be proud of, rather than a completely genuine interest? I was so excited for France, but it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be and it was difficult to tell everyone that it wasn't as good as I expected. If you live for something but realise that under the surface it's not 'you', you hit a bit of a crisis. I have genuine interests but can you put seeing bands live on a CV? I know a CV is just something to get yourself a job, but it's also how you choose to define yourself. The crux might be that I don't know whether accepting mediocrity would make me happier (and I am happy already) or make me feel constricted. Thanks for the responses guys!
