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help me help him

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by jjnurse, Feb 25, 2007.

  1. jjnurse

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    I am the mother of a 16 y/o who has been really depressed and blurted out tonight to me he was gay, I AM TOTALLY O.K. with that, I love my kids for who they are not there sexual oriantation. My issue is he is still really depressed and told me he does not want to talk about it anymore. I have contacted my bestfriend who is gay in florida and he said he will talk to him and help us. Do I just let the subject drop or do I push him to talk to me as he is still crying and very depressed.
     
  2. Micah

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    First of all it's excellent that you're fine with his sexuality :slight_smile:

    Secondly, he only told you about it tonight. For him, it's going to be fairly awkward - especially if you're one of the few (or even the only one) who knows that he's gay.

    I would suggest you don't force him to talk to you - that could just end up pushing him away from you.
    I think having your bestfriend talk to him about it is ideal - and can help in a lot of ways.

    But remember - with problems like building confidence in your sexuality, sometimes you want to learn everything without anyone finding out (Ie - he might be hesitant to confide in your best friend, since your son might think he'd tell you straight away).

    But I've found there's nothing better than having a gay friend in your life - someone you can relate to.

    If, for whatever reason, he doesn't think he can confide in your bestfriend, then he's more than welcome to sign up here, where there are people his own age.

    Hopefully that helps - I really hope things turn out well for him. Please let us know how it goes.
     
  3. TriBi

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    Hi jj...

    Sorry that this is something that he is having trouble with (and congrats yourself on being open and understanding :icon_bigg).

    I would agree with Dave - and, in case you haven't had time to look around this site, I would point out that we have people here with a wide range of ages and experiences...and if you do check it out you will see that it is a very friendly and supportive place.

    Dave (tho' he doesn't mention it) has just turned 18 - so not much older than your son. I am...well...much older (at least old enough to be his Dad, LOL).

    We have all sorts of people who have contributed here who are young, older, male, female (and a couple of transgendered), gay, bisexual, unsure, closeted, coming out, totally out - and all sorts of viewpoints - but pretty much all wanting to help.

    I think getting your close gay friend to talk to your son should most certainly be helpful. I would also suggest that you have a bit of a look around this site yourself - even tho' you are OK with your son's orientation, you might well find some useful info in some of the links at the top (stickies) of the "Support and Advice" Forum.

    I think you might also find some helpful stuff at PFLAG. In case you haven't heard of them, PFLAG stand for "Parents Families and friends of Lesbians and Gays". Their website is here: http://www.pflag.org/

    I don't know if you would feel comfortable with this - but perhaps you could show him this site (as Dave suggested) or anything else you find that you think might be useful. If nothing else, I would have thought that showing him this site (and your post here) would make him aware of your love, concern and willingness to help.

    Whatever you do, I wish you luck with it - and I hope you/we may be able to help him through this.
     
  4. jjnurse

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    Thank you too both of you for responding, he and I seem better today and he and I told his dad who was prepped and his sister who has gay friend too. When I found the sight I showed it to him, but I am going to let him lead the way and speed at which he wants to proceed from here. Thank you for offering your advice and assistance
     
  5. Isaac

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    I know it's proably way too late but i'd rather say something incase someone else comes by and reads this. If anyone has a comment about this they can sendme a personal message beacue ti will be easier for me to respond / read what you think.

    Obvioulsy becasue he just told you, he will not want to talk. But i think it is very important that you go to him and say,

    "I know you don't want to talk but i want you to know that you are my son, and i love you no matter what. I just want you to understand that i am here to talk to you anytime. So anytimeyou wnat to talk i am here." and then leave it at that.

    I just think it's really important that he knows what you think and that you accept him, not only your gay friend. He needs that support so when he has a bad day, he is harrased or any of the otehr multiple that gay people go through; he knows that his family is there. Family is the most important into helping people come out, and be accepting. It maybe late but i hope me advice has been helpful.
     
  6. jayden

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    hi jjnurse, im also 16 and not really still sure of my sexuality but i think that i could be gay. i think that it was really cool how you took your son telling you. i still have to go through that with my mum and dad and i also have 2 younger brothers. I reckon that if you keep talking to him things will be ok.