1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How do you deal with Homophobic people?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by RedR, Sep 28, 2013.

  1. RedR

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2013
    Messages:
    21
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Moore Oklahoma
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Kinda need a little advice or ideas. I have a coworker who is one of those "macho man, marine corps, everything I disagree with is gay" kind of people. He has no Idea that I am Bi, but we do have another coworker who is openly gay and it doesn't stop him from running his mouth. He mocks me for being a ginger and he mocks me for any gay actions that may slip out by accident. Everything is "gay" to him. Watching a romance gets me called a "f****t".
    I'm not asking because I don't know how to handle myself. I am asking how others would cope without the use of anger or violence. I know I could drag him out in the parking lot and beat him :***:... but I want a peaceful and grown up idea. Despite his faults I do kinda like him and I want to keep my job and a good work atmosphere. Any ideas? :help:
     
  2. AmityRanch

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2013
    Messages:
    235
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Stevensville, MD
    Gender:
    Male
    I tell them to piss off.
     
  3. enigmeow

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2013
    Messages:
    178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chicago, Il
    anonymous note sent to HR about him creating a hostile work environment.

    Now, Oklahoma law does not address discrimination based on gender identity or sexual orientation. Oklahoma City and Tulsa both have nondiscrimination policies that prohibit discrimination in employment for sexual orientation only.
     
  4. I usually ignore them. At my school, there's hardly any homophobes. Either they're secretly closeted or they shut up because they could get jumped on or told off by my classmates.

    If they won't stop, I have a giant list of comebacks that I can use.
     
  5. RainyViolinist

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2013
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Although I've never been confronted by a homophobe, I have been made fun of for being Asian, so normally when I come across a person who's trying to make fun of me, I just turn it into a joke, and they make a spectacle of themselves trying to come up with a comeback :slight_smile:. I assume I'd do the same if anyone talked sh*t about my orientation.
     
  6. Tyrael

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2013
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Scotland
    I've experienced exactly what you have described and I'm in the same situation. I am bi and there is one openly gay guy where I work. Almost all the guys I work with are that "macho man" type you described. I have seen many situations (including one today in fact) where they have made homophobic comments after my colleague has left to go out and work.

    I treat homophobia (it's not fear, it's just ignorance) the same way I treat racism and other irrational hatred. As I work with a lot of foreigners they tend to get abuse from colleagues as well simply for not speaking good english etc. I will stand up for them all when they aren't there to do so, generally by making a fool of the instigator of the abuse. I find other colleagues who would normally laugh to "fit in" tend to side with me whenever I call the person out on how irrational and senseless the need to make fun of them is.

    For instance today one of my work mates wondered why our gay colleague was late, and suggested perhaps he had picked up a guy and went home with him, laughing all the while. I announced he was merely jealous of the fact the guy might be able to pick up someone, and why doesn't he go out and pick up a girl if he's willing to talk shit about someone when he's got nothing to brag about. From then it basically descended into my other work mates making fun of him for having not been on a date for ages etc and how he'd never get a girl looking like that blah blah, you get the idea. The point is I deflected his idiotic behavior back to him with the help of work mates.

    Anyway sorry for the rant. Hope it goes ok!
     
  7. tryhtwfr

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2012
    Messages:
    231
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London United Kingdom
    Violence. I'm pretty strong for my age and I'm not scared NOW to beat the shit out of the homophobes in my school but for 4 years I took all their shit so I guess it's payback but some people might not agree with my approach.
     
  8. Ohhai

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2013
    Messages:
    807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nottingham, UK
    Really?! Violence makes you just as bad as them, if not worse.


    I ignore them. They're not worth a second of my time.
     
  9. Tyrael

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2013
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Scotland
    I agree, violence really isn't the answer. That being said, bullies in school is different from bullies in an adult work environment. It's my belief that high school bullies only understand one thing, and that's a smack in the mouth that it takes to shut them up. However you need to learn how to "use your words" to persuade people, because when you're an adult out in a job etc, violence will simply not work.
     
  10. Countervail

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2011
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Philippines
    I would ignore those kind of people; these people are not worth my time.

    second is, maybe you could ask to transfer a branch because you are in conflict with one of your co-worker or make him transfer to another department because he is making most of the people uncomfortable. I believe that the human resource(if they are the one responsible for that) or your manager will consider that a reason enough.
     
  11. GArchi1992

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2013
    Messages:
    463
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manchester, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well, i'm possibly one of the most nonchalant people ever. If I was in this situation I probably wouldn't rise to it. I tend not to care what people think. Everyone is entitled to their opinions no matter how ignorant and bigoted they are. You could try talking to him calmly about it and see how he reacts?
     
  12. Tic Code

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2013
    Messages:
    225
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ohio
    Ashamedly, I'm often too scared to say anything. I usually just try to ignore them.
    However, more and more often as of late, if anything like that comes up, I tend to point out the flaws in their statement, and make it obvious to everyone else how their statements just make them look like an asshole.
    There's also the occasion where I've just told them to shut up and fuck off.
     
  13. LILuke

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2013
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Long Island
    Tell them that they're being bigoted and intolerant and that if they don't shut their mouths then they're going to regret it. Not that this threat is usually taken too seriously, given that I'm all of 5'10" and 135 pounds.
     
  14. blueberrymuffin

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2013
    Messages:
    672
    Likes Received:
    0
    I had a coworker like that, though just a PT job. It was still difficult because we'd work the morning shift so it was just us behind a counter for about 4 hours, with few customers. Just told him i'm gay and i'd appreciate if he stopped. Well, he sure shut up after that. Later on, he said he respected the hell out of me for having the guts to say that. I dunno, you should address it but do it privately and maturely. Give him a chance to come around.
     
  15. Becki

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2013
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I've never really had to deal with homophobes personally, but my friends have because of me. They've been asked about their own sexual orientation because they hang around with me and it pisses me off so much. The most I've had is people whispering about me, literally behind my back. I mean literally, I could hear them perfectly. I just ignored it, it's all you can do, otherwise you just encourage them to do it more.
     
  16. Beware Of You

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2013
    Messages:
    1,752
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Dublin, Ireland
    I have several coping methods

    Homophobe to my face - Tell them that I don't care about their hatred, I know who I love, how I feel and there is NOTHING they can say to change that. If its religion I will just tell them that I don't have the same beliefs so they should not force them onto myself.

    Homophobic preacher in the street - When this happened to me when I was holding my boyfriend's hands in public, I kissed him right onfront of their eyes to show that there words have no effect.

    People who harass me about my sexuality - I have had those in school I generally ignore them. It took time to learn to ignore their words but when they realised I didn't care they soon stopped

    Threats of physical abuse - I have always reported these to either security, the police, teachers etc. in Ireland and the UK its a crime anyway

    Actual Physical abuse - Happened one in school, he attacked me from behind yelling the f word (the English word for cigarette) , I had to fight him off, and I did but it got us both suspended (because the teacher was an idiot and ignore what others had said happen)