Kinda need a little advice or ideas. I have a coworker who is one of those "macho man, marine corps, everything I disagree with is gay" kind of people. He has no Idea that I am Bi, but we do have another coworker who is openly gay and it doesn't stop him from running his mouth. He mocks me for being a ginger and he mocks me for any gay actions that may slip out by accident. Everything is "gay" to him. Watching a romance gets me called a "f****t". I'm not asking because I don't know how to handle myself. I am asking how others would cope without the use of anger or violence. I know I could drag him out in the parking lot and beat him :***:... but I want a peaceful and grown up idea. Despite his faults I do kinda like him and I want to keep my job and a good work atmosphere. Any ideas? :help:
anonymous note sent to HR about him creating a hostile work environment. Now, Oklahoma law does not address discrimination based on gender identity or sexual orientation. Oklahoma City and Tulsa both have nondiscrimination policies that prohibit discrimination in employment for sexual orientation only.
I usually ignore them. At my school, there's hardly any homophobes. Either they're secretly closeted or they shut up because they could get jumped on or told off by my classmates. If they won't stop, I have a giant list of comebacks that I can use.
Although I've never been confronted by a homophobe, I have been made fun of for being Asian, so normally when I come across a person who's trying to make fun of me, I just turn it into a joke, and they make a spectacle of themselves trying to come up with a comeback . I assume I'd do the same if anyone talked sh*t about my orientation.
I've experienced exactly what you have described and I'm in the same situation. I am bi and there is one openly gay guy where I work. Almost all the guys I work with are that "macho man" type you described. I have seen many situations (including one today in fact) where they have made homophobic comments after my colleague has left to go out and work. I treat homophobia (it's not fear, it's just ignorance) the same way I treat racism and other irrational hatred. As I work with a lot of foreigners they tend to get abuse from colleagues as well simply for not speaking good english etc. I will stand up for them all when they aren't there to do so, generally by making a fool of the instigator of the abuse. I find other colleagues who would normally laugh to "fit in" tend to side with me whenever I call the person out on how irrational and senseless the need to make fun of them is. For instance today one of my work mates wondered why our gay colleague was late, and suggested perhaps he had picked up a guy and went home with him, laughing all the while. I announced he was merely jealous of the fact the guy might be able to pick up someone, and why doesn't he go out and pick up a girl if he's willing to talk shit about someone when he's got nothing to brag about. From then it basically descended into my other work mates making fun of him for having not been on a date for ages etc and how he'd never get a girl looking like that blah blah, you get the idea. The point is I deflected his idiotic behavior back to him with the help of work mates. Anyway sorry for the rant. Hope it goes ok!
Violence. I'm pretty strong for my age and I'm not scared NOW to beat the shit out of the homophobes in my school but for 4 years I took all their shit so I guess it's payback but some people might not agree with my approach.
Really?! Violence makes you just as bad as them, if not worse. I ignore them. They're not worth a second of my time.
I agree, violence really isn't the answer. That being said, bullies in school is different from bullies in an adult work environment. It's my belief that high school bullies only understand one thing, and that's a smack in the mouth that it takes to shut them up. However you need to learn how to "use your words" to persuade people, because when you're an adult out in a job etc, violence will simply not work.
I would ignore those kind of people; these people are not worth my time. second is, maybe you could ask to transfer a branch because you are in conflict with one of your co-worker or make him transfer to another department because he is making most of the people uncomfortable. I believe that the human resource(if they are the one responsible for that) or your manager will consider that a reason enough.
Well, i'm possibly one of the most nonchalant people ever. If I was in this situation I probably wouldn't rise to it. I tend not to care what people think. Everyone is entitled to their opinions no matter how ignorant and bigoted they are. You could try talking to him calmly about it and see how he reacts?
Ashamedly, I'm often too scared to say anything. I usually just try to ignore them. However, more and more often as of late, if anything like that comes up, I tend to point out the flaws in their statement, and make it obvious to everyone else how their statements just make them look like an asshole. There's also the occasion where I've just told them to shut up and fuck off.
Tell them that they're being bigoted and intolerant and that if they don't shut their mouths then they're going to regret it. Not that this threat is usually taken too seriously, given that I'm all of 5'10" and 135 pounds.
I had a coworker like that, though just a PT job. It was still difficult because we'd work the morning shift so it was just us behind a counter for about 4 hours, with few customers. Just told him i'm gay and i'd appreciate if he stopped. Well, he sure shut up after that. Later on, he said he respected the hell out of me for having the guts to say that. I dunno, you should address it but do it privately and maturely. Give him a chance to come around.
I've never really had to deal with homophobes personally, but my friends have because of me. They've been asked about their own sexual orientation because they hang around with me and it pisses me off so much. The most I've had is people whispering about me, literally behind my back. I mean literally, I could hear them perfectly. I just ignored it, it's all you can do, otherwise you just encourage them to do it more.
I have several coping methods Homophobe to my face - Tell them that I don't care about their hatred, I know who I love, how I feel and there is NOTHING they can say to change that. If its religion I will just tell them that I don't have the same beliefs so they should not force them onto myself. Homophobic preacher in the street - When this happened to me when I was holding my boyfriend's hands in public, I kissed him right onfront of their eyes to show that there words have no effect. People who harass me about my sexuality - I have had those in school I generally ignore them. It took time to learn to ignore their words but when they realised I didn't care they soon stopped Threats of physical abuse - I have always reported these to either security, the police, teachers etc. in Ireland and the UK its a crime anyway Actual Physical abuse - Happened one in school, he attacked me from behind yelling the f word (the English word for cigarette) , I had to fight him off, and I did but it got us both suspended (because the teacher was an idiot and ignore what others had said happen)