About Getting married or not?

Please, please, please don't do that. No girl deserves that.

Besides, the fact that you get married doesn't mean you won't be lonely. Try to find friends that will help bring happiness into your life. (*hug*)

 

If someone told you that the only reason they got married and had kids was to continue their family, would you think they made a good life choice? How about if you were a kid and found out that was the reason you existed? If you're going to get married, do it with someone you love and want to spend your life with. And if that person is a guy, that's perfectly fine. Also legally possible in an increasing number of places.

Your erection issues may be due to stress or depression based on the issues you're describing. Fix one and the other may fix itself. If not, consider talking to your doctor.

Premature ejaculation can be addressed with practice and various techniques. There are various books and such. Also, this is something to potentially talk to your doctor about.

 

I think its wrong. I know few men were married and its awful. If you have your feelings towards guys, be with a guy.. Believe me I was depressed too when I realized I will never have that "normal picture perfect" family.. But it takes time and you start to understand that you can be happy only doing things that is true to yourself.. Its your life, no society gonna live your life for you. You will make yourself and another person miserable.. Think about if you two have kids, and one day it all came out and they will see that you are not in love with their mother.. I've been in that situation, its really really horrible.. how other people will feel? It all wont get better fast, but you can be really happy just do what your heart says. Dont listen to those people who say its wrong and blah, its your life and everyone has a right to be happy.
I wish you all the best (*hug*)

 

Don't do it. You want to get married for all the wrong reasons. This can only end badly. You know you are gay, you don't sound confused about that. If you pretend to be straight and get married you will end up hurting your wife. There's no way around that. Maybe you think you can bury your gay feelings but trust me, sooner or later they will rise to the surface again and you will realize what a mess you've created.

I've been married for 10 years and had to tell my husband I'm gay. I was in denial when I got married, I desperately wanted to be straight. But I did a terrible thing and I've hurt him immensely. We have kids and sooner or later this will affect them too. I've also hurt myself, being in the closet and acting straight is very depressing. Getting married will not relieve your depression.

I understand your loneliness. I've been there. I would suggest getting involved with the gay community. If you can make friends who are like you you won't feel so alone. If you live in a conservative area you may want to consider moving to a place that's more liberal. Don't give in to social pressure. You need to be true to yourself. If you live your life for others you will always be depressed.

 

I guess I'm wondering why you feel you need to marry a woman? Are you being pressured by your family? Your friends? Your religion? Or are you just thinking it will make your life easier, or that you want kids?

How long have you been feeling depressed and unable to sleep?

Of course marrying a woman you don't love is a very bad idea... bad for you and bad for her, too... I think you probably already know that. Honestly, your post sounds a lot like the way I used to talk when I was clinically depressed. It messes with your head. Is there anyone you can reach out to - a friend, a doctor, a counselor, or maybe an LGBT organisation in your community? Make sure there isn't an underlying reason for having these thoughts.

Seriously, let us know how you go. Wishing you all the best.

 

Can't you marry a guy instead? I think that would be more suitable. And do it in your own time, for love, and not out of a sense of duty.

 

No, marriage isn't only about sex. Nor is it about "platonic love", either. It's a massive committment requiring a massive amount of maturity, strength and devotion to one another. And I think this is true for anyone - two men, two women, a man and a woman, etc etc.

That's why it's so important not to rush into it or do it for the wrong reasons.

Go into the "LGBT Later In Life" section and talk to some of the people who've made that mistake. Read their stories. Please.

 

Please, I would advise against you trying to pursue a straight relationship that you aren't accustomed to. If you truly feel like you cannot see yourself with a woman in a romantic, loving way, then marriage will only exacerbate your problem. If you feel like your parents are putting pressure on you to take the step into the life of marriage, perhaps it's time to let them in on your little secret. After all, you are 28 and (most likely) don't hold any dependencies on your parents.

Point is, you got a life to live, and you shouldn't restrain yourself to the 'norm' if it's not for you.

 

I know what are you feeling right now.I am feeling same. I Love my best friend. I'm starting falling for girls and where i live it's not right to fall in love with same sex and i also have to married a boy even i don't wanted well all i can do is think positive.

 

I'm so glad you are asking this. This is very similar to what I told myself before getting married. I married my best friend and I thought that would be enough, that we could have this great (and normal) life together. It doesn't work. And I think that there are several reasons for that. For one, sex is important in a relationship. It's not the only thing but it is important. The girl you marry will want sex, and she will feel rejected if you deny her this. If you do have sex with her it will likely feel off, since you're not into it and she will pick up on this.

Marriage is not about platonic love. It's about romantic love. And we are not wired to love someone of the opposite sex in this way. We can try to force it, but it won't be genuine. After I came out to my husband he said a lot of things make sense now. That we were lacking that deep connection and affection a husband and wife should have. Platonic love is for our friends, not our spouse.

Anyway, you are way ahead of where I was before I got married. I never asked these questions. I just told myself I couldn't be gay and getting married would solve my problems. I'm so embarrassed about this now. I was fooling myself and I've deeply hurt my best friend.

 

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Don't do this and I am speaking form experience.. DONT!!!

Platonic love doesn't equal ability to marry. Don't. Sex requires more than that. It requires physically attraction and for that attraction to feel normal.

I'm just shy of 26 and when i was 21 I lived in a religious household. my parents were divorced and I was raised by my mom in a deeply religious community. When I knew I was gay, I decided I'd try to be with a man. I wanted kids. i wanted a family. I had never been with a woman other than a kiss. I had a close friend. I figured if I loved him as a friend, I could love him in that way. I knew that my being gay would lead to my being shunned from my church.

I RUINED a friendship.
I'd known him since I was 16. He was a good friend. the best. He knew I liked women. But I knew I 'loved' him. He was one of my closest friends. He said he loved me and I figured that was enough.

It wasn't. I forced myself into bed with him one night. I loved him as a friend and thought this was enough. it wasnt. We didn't even finish before I pushed him away and went into the bathroom sick and crying. It had nothing to do with him. it was me. I was sickened by what i forced myself to do. It wasnt natural and I was not wired to do that with him.

Platonic brotherly love doesn't give you the ability to have sex. to be married. I loved him enough to live with him as his sister/friend/roommate. But marriage requires affection. Touches Hugs. A look. Things that you can't have without passion and affection for your spouse. Not platonic friend affection, but romantic attraction. Things I can give my partner now unconsciously.
He later told me he was in love with me and it broke his heart that I told him i could NEVER feel that way.

Please don't. You will break her heart and you will break your own and ruin you own life.

Just wait. Don't put yourself through that. Don't put her through that. You will find a husband.

Please please please please please don't.

 

I understand how it feels to so desperately want to fit in with in with this society. I really didn't want to be gay so I mainly avoided relationships (like you) and then I had a brief go at trying to convince myself I was straight. This was very confusing because I had tried to deny my feelings for women for so long and have never fancied men that I could convince myself that my straight male friend who is one of the nicest, cleverest, funniest people I've met was someone I was attracted to because I really liked him personality wise. I was even once so stupid as to make a move on him and extremely fortunately he turned me down, as he, being straight, comfortably knew the difference between really likely someone's personality and being attracted to them. This was also the push I needed to finally realise that I cannot turn myself into something I'm not, whatever I do.

I came out to him, I came out to a number of my friends and I joined a local LGBT group.

I spent some time mourning the conventional marriage and family I longed for but then (as I've posted elsewhere) I realised that the only way that people in our position will have that is if we work for it. Already things are massively changing - I will have the opportunity to marry someone I love should I want to because just in the last year UK have legalised gay marriage. There will also be opportunities for a family, through adoption, sperm donation, IVF etc. It is true that I will never be able to have a relationship, marriage or a family that doesn't raise eyebrows, attract judgement, reveal people's prejudices - However if I am brave now, have the life, the relationships, maybe the family that are true to me, then maybe any children I have will be able to have that kind of future and that kind of life.

Society feels bad now but it changes, it is changing all the time. The straight-dominating society (which will obviously always have more straight people than gay) will become more tolerant and accepting. Being true to yourself might have a negative impact on your parents locally but so might the knowledge years down the line that you were untrue to yourself and were unhappy because of it. I don't know your parents but I discovered with mine in a recent incident (not to do with my being gay) that when I had been keeping secrets from them and been very unhappy and I finally told them, their main worry was that I'd been unhappy and their main concern was how to help me be happy again. I know that there are some awful parents out there but if your concern is for your parents' feelings then this may not be the case with yours. If you feel that your parents love you and care for you, wanting you to be happy (as I think you have mentioned previously, hence their wanting to marry) then maybe the best thing you can do by your parents is to do what will make you truthfully happy.

 

well I'm not married and not even getting married for 2 years but i'm damn confused and tense about it because i really don't wanna married a boy and more difficult part is i'm falling for my best friend more and more everyday

 

No I am not. I am happily engaged to a woman. That good friend is no longer a good friend. we barely talk now.

 

I know a gay couple in CA who have been partnered over 30 years. They have made the decision to get married now that it gets the state's blessing. They know how they feel and the ceremony won't change a thing between them. But it will have significant tax and other financial benefits they previously couldn't take advantage of.