How did you react when you realized you were gay?

"Oh you're fucking kidding me...."

 

I remember it was kind of a "light-bulb" moment and I was in my apartment alone and yelled a very choice profanity (quite loudly) and then started shaking and I think I remember crying a bit too. When I realized, it felt a bit like being really drunk: I was light-headed, felt sick to my stomach and I don't remember most of the details.

 

I prayed to God that he would make me straight and cried myself to sleep. And I'm not even religious!

Sadly, I'm not even kidding, either.

 

I found all sorts of ways to try to avoid it - Discovery of my sexuality was the ultimate test for me. I discovered that I couldn't be politically correct enough not to wish I wasn't gay. Then I grit my teeth and started coming out!

 

Pretty much. Oh, and I basically tried to be as "straight" as possible and basically avoided anything that could be considered "gay".

 

I freaked out, had a panic attack and before you knew it I was holding myself on the floor with tears filling my eyes....I then told myself that I was probably just "bi" just to make myself feel a bit better...when I started realizing that I wasn't bi and probably won't ever be....I wished that I wouldn't wake up in the morning...I read Bible verses about being gay EVEN THOUGH IM NOT RELIGIOUS I just wanted to make sure that if that stuff was true that I won't go down under....I really felt like it was the end of the world.

Luckily, things change. You chance. You learn to accept yourself and you do get better. I'm a lesbian. That's just who I am

 

I never realised as such, it was just a slow realisation. I jus pretended to be straight. Then I was like "I really really really don't want to be gay".

 

Gosh I was happy I finally came to terms with myself. I chanted in my head "I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm really really gay." all during the next school day, lol.

 

^Definitely my reaction. I was in constant denial, and held the issue at arm's length for a long time. I avoided ever delving into any semblance of the realm of dating, and even when I did things that were blatant indicators that I was gay, I tried to detach myself from the situation and say "that's not me. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm gay" even though it really did. Coming from a Catholic background and household, I feared retribution from my family. I just wanted to be "normal" and wanted to like girls so badly, but I just couldn't. Happily, though, my parents were/are very accepting.

 

I didn't really have much of a reaction, it was like an, " Oh, I guess that's okay," moment for me. I just thought that since I can't fight my attraction, why complain and beat myself up over it?

 

I was just in class and started to panic inside, thought others would be able to just look at me and figure it out too. As far as being gay itself, yeah i cried just thinking on it, but that lasted all of a day, then i realized it's not such a big deal. What continued to scare me was how others would react, and frustration that i would not meet a guy until moving away, but i knew that was all on homophobia. It's not like i had some existential crisis or tried to become hetero.

 

"Okay... kinda like dudes... I'm bi, I guess? Nope. I'm just bi-curious, I don't like guys."

I basically kept trying to lie to myself and trying to convince myself I was bi and was a kinsely 2 basically.

 

I remembering lying awake one night, looking up at the ceiling and just whispering to myself:

"Oh shit..."

 

I thought of my family and how much they would hate me. And I started to prepare myself to get kicked out sooner or later.

I didn't get kicked out after all, but things with my family are rocky to this day. Only time will tell I guess.