What's your view on raising a child gender neutral?

I am afraid that it wouldn't be a good idea. I felt that way for some time and it was not nice place to be. It works differently for everyone and it's hard to tell how the kid would feel. People tend to 'stay in herds'. You would exclude the kid from so called herd and give him/her clear message that he/she is different from all the people around.

You can do your best to let the kid know that there are options and leave him/her to decide later.

 

Not good. We need to have out gender, it makes us who we are. I let me son play with "girls" toys an stuff though,so it's okay to b gender neutral in that respect t.

 

I should clarify that I understand the question as not calling the kid he or she.

I believe that lots of parent already raises kids not strictly according to gender beliefs - let them play with different toys, wear bright/dark colors, do different sports, boys are let helping around the kitchen and girls can help dad around his car etc

 

There would be a strong issue here, because there is a difference between raising a child gender neutral and allowing a child to be gender neutral. Raising a child gender neutral has the same effect as raising a child as a gender based off their sex. Children are very vocal and very picky. If they don't like something, you will hear about it. Parents don't have to run away from all ideas of gender when raising their children, because obviously even in the use of pronouns, it is a bit easier to use some form while they are still not competent enough to decide for themselves.

Children have no inherent understand of gender. Just because you refer to them as him or her doesn't mean they will attach any social constructs or stigmas to it because they will have no idea of their existence yet. Social constructs are instilled in children first by their parents, then by the outside world when they beginning school and outside activities. It is not an issue when children are exposed to norms, only when they are taught that it is improper or unacceptable to go against them.

 

I think the issue with raising a child 'gender neutral' is that it assumes that certain traits are male or female. I have never been in the position of questioning my gender but I'm pretty certain that it has little do with the things that happen in the raising of a child. I believe that I was probably raised gender neutral... the result was a pair of children, one male, one female who both equally enjoyed barbies and action men (we reenacted the French Revolution together, utilising the action men, the male and female Disney barbies and my mother's unintended 'detachable head Sindy'), I played with the lovingly created Dollhouse but it ended up involving all the furniture piled up in front of the door to avoid the T-Rex that had emerged as a result of the house being built on an Ancient Indian Burial Ground. However I must also confess to going through a phase of 'My Little Pony' and 'Polly Pocket'. It also involved my brother putting on a pink dress out of a dressing up box and coming out of the room saying "Look, Mummy, I'm a princess". To my Mum's credit, she said "Yes, darling, so you are" whilst a woman behind her hissed "He'll turn out gay if she lets him do that!". As it is, fast forward x many years and my brother is very definitely straight and I am a lesbian.

I don't feel like anything other than a female, however, despite having both 'male' and 'female' traits. I don't know how 'female' or 'male' are defined, however I imagine it is much more complicated than the traits that we have been conditioned to associate with those genders.

I suppose I feel that parents should ideally raise their children as the genders they are born as but without all the labels, definitions, assumptions, etc that go with.

 

Definitely not. I would however let them do whatever they want, I'd like to think.

 

I believe mothers are OK with this concept, but as far as I heard at the family oriented board I am a member of fathers have usually hard time to accept that.

 

If my child is physically a boy I will raise it a boy and vice versa......... Until my child "Knows" its interest. My child will have my up most support.

 

I think there is a difference between raising a child saying "you're a boy" or "you're a girl" and raising a child saying "because you're a boy you must like this" or "because you're a girl you must like that".

 

I never intend to have children, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

I like the idea of raising a child without forcing a gender on them. Ideally, we wouldn't treat children differently because of their gender, and we wouldn't assume that someone born with a penis is male or with a vagina is female. We also wouldn't give female children doll and pink things by default instead of trucks and blue things. Otherwise we send the not-so-subtle signal that being a gender-conforming cis person is the default that we should aspire to, only deviating from it when we have no other choice.

That being said, I'm not sure how feasible this would be. Your culture has an uncontrollable impact on your children, and attempts to cut children off from this culture usually do more harm than good. Whether you want to or not, your children will be raised with set gender roles and with the expectation that penis=male and vagina=female. I think the best you can do is to regularly expose them to alternatives. That way, should they find that either their interests don't match their gender or their gender doesn't match what everyone thinks it "should" be, they will have an easier time accepting it.

That's probably as close as you can get to raising a child in a gender neutral way.

 

If I ever have children I will raise them to be people, not gender stereotypes. I will use pronouns based on what kind of genitals they're born with.

 

I would no doubt be happy with whatever ( assuming I would have a child ) my child would be. I would let them play with whatever, and let them dress however they wanted too. Now, about bullying, I would suggest they "come out" so to speak, whenever they wanted to and to whoever they trusted. It's sort of like them being gay or lesbian or whatever, they would probably go through a similar process. Also, I guess me being slightly genderqueer makes me not mind as much.

 

I'm all for raising a child with fewer gender stereotypes, and of course, in the unlikely event that they are trans, supporting them in transition, but not raising them gender neutral. Why? Because society won't have a place for them. I would love for society to forget about gender, but it isn't my choice to force that alienation on a child to make that happen.

I suppose I should add that if this is simply not treating children differently according to toys, clothes etc, I'm definitely for that, and would do that anyway, if I had a kid.

 

I personally wouldn't do it, and it'd be annoying if a child close to me (niece/nephew/etc.) was raised that way. Raise the child as their sex and allow them to wear what they want and play with what they want.

If my child has a penis, he's my son, a boy.

 

I wouldn't keep him/her from knowing their gender. I would always tell them what is girly or boyish. And I would dress him/her in gender "appropriate" clothing until they were old enough (around 4 years old) to start expressing themselves. If my son wants to play with barbies and paint his nails, then of course I'm going to let him. If my daughter wants to play football and cut her hair short, then why would I not let her? A healthy childhood is about letting the child express themself in a safe way. Disapproving of something so innocent just because society doesn't agree, is unfair. I believe that allowing a child to express themself builds up confidence. So if someone were to make fun of them for how they look or act, then the confidence they have won't allow them to get their feelings hurt.

 

I guess i attempted to raise my children without gender sterotypes. Never told them what they could or could not wear, or play with. Never told my girls to 'act like a lady' my son 'boys don't cry'. They are all teens and one is young adult and pretty well adjusted.

It is almost impossible in todays society to raise your child completely gender neutral because they are bombarded by society as to what is girl and what is boy. We have to almost always use pronouns to indicate their percieved sex, and everything asks boy or girl on it. I minimized what I could and we talked about the rest of society and waht is expected vs. what is comfortable for them.