Late night thoughts

If you read my letter earlier then you know that I'm doing a bit better. It's when I have time to sit down and gather my thoughts that you get these free-flowing monologues, the ones that are pure, unadulterated AwesomGaytheist, as my high school English teacher always told me, "I read it in your voice."

In the 7 weeks since I've been in college, I've learned a lot about aircraft engines, aerodynamics and performance, the history of airlines and aviation itself, international globalization, and physical geography. But I've learned a lot more about relationships.

When you don't live together and only see each other a few hours (Okay, maybe several hours) at a time, you don't see the other person's flaws and shortcomings. Your relationship is a euphoria caused by a cocktail of Dopamine and Oxytocin. When you start living together, it takes another level of maturity to be able to completely commit to someone and accept all of their flaws and shortcomings and be faithful.

Some people like to think that when they get married/move in together that it will always be a "Happily ever after" fairy tale complete with rainbows, gumdrops, and ice cream. Others think that because they have a ring on their finger, "They won't cheat and neither will I!" Unfortunately for some of those people, they learn those lessons the hard way.

Brendan and I have rings. Mine's stainless steel because that's the only metal I'm not allergic to, and it has rainbow gems. It's my gay pride/promise ring, and there's a picture of it in my album if you want to see it. We're not married or engaged, but we're committed to each other for the time being. We've decided that we've still got 4-5 years to make that decision to make it "forever," and we're waaaaay too young for that. We are only 18 though.

But that ring on my right hand (Not on the left because that's reserved for a wedding ring) it means more than just gay pride. It means that I love Brendan, and there's nobody else yet that I'd want to be with. And maybe we will stay together forever, and maybe we won't. But I'm going to be with him, and only him and I'm going to ride it out until the end. He annoys me sometimes and he's figured out every way possible to irritate me, but when he's gone, I miss him like my dogs back home miss me.

That ring is a daily reminder that no matter what shit we go through during the day-tests, quizzes, boring lectures, even if the shit hits the fan, we've always got each other's backs. When we come home at the end of the day, we've got each other's arms to fall into.

It's about the challenges in school and in family, and in life in general we face, but go at it together. It's about the love we do share. When you can look past someone's shortcomings and flaws, when how nice their ass is isn't the biggest factor anymore and what's inside their heart is, and when just the mention of their name gets your blood pumping and makes you smile.

Just talking about that makes me want to grab him and embrace him and tell him how much I love him for the billionth time, and I think I'm going to go do that when I finish this sentence.

Love is like electricity. It can make your life so much better. It can save your life. It can really hurt you, and in the cases of Jodi Arias and Betty Broderick, it can end your life. But when you know what you're doing and you've learned the hard lessons and matured, that's when it gets better.

This has been another look into the mind of AwesomGaytheist.

 

Thanks guys. Yeah, I generally get my best writing when I'm just unwinding at the end of another long, endless day. I'm glad I could help you, blueberry.