Buzzfeed article on the LGBT community's rejection of overweight gays.

I love that article, and its also very true. I'm not the skinniest guy around, and I am gay. But being gay was never a problem. Being fat and gay was. Lets be honest, most gay guys hold the image that beauty is what you look like, not what's inside. I myself have dealt with guys that don't wanna even talk to me because I have a few extra pounds.

To be completely honest, its the reason why I don't identify with the gay community. Yeah, I'm gay, but I'm fat so therefore I'm not truly in the community because I don't hit the gym. And its led to me resenting the community because I don't fit in with them. And this whole "Just be a bear." sh*t is stupid. Truth is, I can't workout a lot because of physical disabilities.

And I know the thoughts that crosses peoples minds.

"Just go to the gym! Its not hard!"
"Obviously you don't care about yourself enough to just go workout."
"You'll feel better if you just go!"
...and more

I like who I am. Yeah, I don't have a six pack. And I'm not gonna go get one to get with a guy who likes my abs more than me. It took me YEARS to get to the point where I can like myself, then when I got there, I get looked down upon because I'm not skinny.

Everyone has different opinions. Personally, if anyone tells me I need to go lose weight so I can fit their criteria of being "date-able" or "lovable" can go kiss a hamsters ass.

 

I'm also not the skinniest guy around. Not a fan of being discriminated against for being "overweight...."

 

Hm, what about guys who would never, not in a million years, date someone skinny? I know a few and I bet there are many of them.

 

Sure, it's a huge issue, and I will admit my complicity in that. I obsess about my own weight and the weight of my potential partners. (Of course, because of how I obsess about my weight--knowing I am fat--I don't think I actually deserve anybody, but that's another story.)

I think the problem is now that the gay community doesn't really understand its own history. We don't understand how good we have it as millennials (which most of us are, or late-millennials) compared to our parents. Being gay in the 1960s and 1970s was terrible. Homosexuality was criminalized, and police were actually raiding known gay hangouts. In some cities, gay men were reduced to fucking in massive groups in the back of semi-tractor trailers...

So, ya, we have it good compared to how they had it. And even though "we" have made progress, the "we" here is the generation that understood the struggle. There's still struggle, but not in the same way, and our generation just doesn't understand as much the need to fight. And the older generation, understanding the need to fight, developed this thing called political solidarity.

We did not develop that solidarity, and it's clear in how we treat each other. It's clear in how we prioritize sex over identity and community.

 

^^ this.

I feel actively ashamed about my weight, at times more so than about my sexuality. I'm taking steps to change it, but at the same time feel I shouldn't have to, simply to fit in. And I'll never be the skinniest guy in town, I'm just not built like that.

 

It's going to take a surgery for me to lose the weight I need to, and for the first time in my life, my weight is actually catching up to me. I used to be in decent condition for someone who as overweight, and then my weight crept up to where it is now, at 300 pounds, and all of a sudden, I'm not running up the stairs like I used to, and I'm not powerwalking everywhere like I used to, and I'm not able to walk 5 miles at a time anymore. And you're talking to someone who a year and a half ago was doing Insanity. That's another thing that I'm kind of upset with my mom over. I've got the money in the bank to cover the out-of-pocket costs to have the Lap Band surgery done with our insurance right now. I understand the financial hardships of college, but it's only going to get worse as time goes on, and if you had the opportunity to add 10-20 years to your life, and maybe even more, and you had the funds available to pay for it, wouldn't you?

I had always thought that the stereotypes were that all Lesbians were either the skinny, pretty girls you see in porn, or they all weigh 500 pounds and try to make themselves look like men. Both of those statements piss me off to no end. Just like when people say, "You're not gay, you go to football games!"

 

I think the body policing is ridiculous and needs to be called out, instead of defended or excused from those who take part in it, and basically ignored by everyone else. There's a reason gay men and straight women tend to have lower satisfaction with their physical appearance, and higher rates of eating disorders, but saying, "Oh, well, that's how guys are" and turning a blind eye aren't the answers. Living in a superficial culture where certain traits are idealized, and having those enforced by the media, is to blame, not some inborn preference.

This also applies to the colored, elderly, and feminine. You reject someone for secondary traits and you might very well be missing out on a great catch, except you'll never know since you immediately wrote them off for something you weren't willing to live with.

 

I agree.

It drives me crazy because we, as gay people, aren't seen as equals in most laws and in the eyes of other people, yet some gay guys and gals walk around with this sense that they're just above all that and they look down on their fellow community like we're not good enough.

Hahah, I know, I'm ranting. I just feel strongly about it because it blows my mind how people can be this way. I know not everyone's like that.

 

This. Plenty of straight guys that won't date skinny women, and I doubt that gay guys are innocent either.

 

There's a difference between the expression of a sexual preference and the general treatment of people having certain body types. The complaint in the article is not about the sexual preferences people have with respect to body types.

 

I'm not saying throw away your preferences, just don't be a discriminatory douche by making others feel unwanted with certain behaviors and comments. Speaking of which, a preference means just that -- you're willing to try the alternative, so it doesn't apply to those who flat-out write someone off for having a certain trait. It's your right to associate with whomever or not, but don't expect sympathy if it involves bigotry.

It's a cowardly and dishonest counter-argument, honestly, playing the sexuality card. In essence, using one's orientation as an excuse to continue treating others like trash. Though, there are plenty of sexist LGBT, too...

 

I understand, and the point of my post was precisely trying to head that off at the pass, because I think that conversations about the treatment of overweight people tend unfortunately to reduce to a conversation about whether people should find them attractive, when that's not what the conversation is about at all.

 

..Do you know how much shit I've gotten for being thin? I've been accused of not eating, been told to eat a few hamburgers. Hell my own doctor thought I have an eating disorder till my mother hauled in a family album to show how thin the people are in my family.

 

Honestly, I don't blame anyone in the community for acting like that - I mean, most sexual men (straight, gay, and bisexual) are shallow bastards - larger, straight women are often treated the same by men.

Being a larger person, the shallowness of men has made me seriously consider returning to the closet.

 

And I'm definitely not invalidating that, either.

 

And that's what's so frustrating: the fact that it's usually guys themselves saying, "Well, that's just how things are; it'll never change anyway, so why try?" If you're serious with that closet comment, then that only makes the post even more disappointing.

One guy did have a point, on the comments, and that's that attitude can go a long way when meeting others.