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Should i get a hair cut?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by goratrix, Apr 30, 2005.

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  1. goratrix

    goratrix
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    Ok. I have a problem that I can only describe as fashion-related. I never thought I would bring this up, but lately I started to care a little more about my looks and whatsoever.

    Ok, I like normal height men, not too tall, not too short. With short, dark hair (never liked blondes, no offense to anyone), medium complexion, athletic, light eyes (blue or green), and dark skin(tanned). Yes, a difficult specimen to find I know.

    I am like the complete oposite of that: I am quiet tall (1.93 mts(dont ask me for feet/inch conversion)) I have a big body, not too athletic (working to change that), and rather fat (again, working to change that). I have red hair (intense red) and green eyes. My skin is whiter than the tits of a none. (sorry for the expression, it's a bad translation from a spanish expression)

    And I have quiet long hair. In my taekwondo class they say it suits me, although I would be more comfortable if it was short. And they are pushing a Black Belt (AC) to get a haird cut because it gives a bad image of the gym. I took the hint, and I started considering cutting my hair (in fact, changing my long-hair style for a short-hair one).

    I should also add that my long-hair style is not a fashin choice... it's rather because I'm lazy to go get a hair cut.

    I've asked several friends and some say I should cut it, and some say I should leave it just like it is.

    Now, you don't know me... I won't upload a pic (don't like myself too much, that's why I don't have pics of me on my computer) so I'm not asking for a fashion advice. I am asking if a hair cut would be a change in my life. Am I going to be different somehow If I get a hair cut?

    Will I be closer to the male image I like?

    Why is it that I like something I'm not?... and If I like that, why is anyone else going to like me? since I'm not like the male-image I like...

    Am I makign any sense?

    [OT]
    btw, still didn't get my linux to work... I need space to install it and porn is taking most of my hdd :'(
    [/OT]
     
    #1 goratrix, Apr 30, 2005
  2. Micah

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    Getting a hair cut will by no means make you a different person or 'closer to the male image you like'. But I'm sure you already know that. Go with whatever you feel looks better. If you like your hair long, leave it, otherwise, cut it.


    The thing is, we all have an image of the 'ideal guy' for us, but our choice of guys isn't limited to people who fit into this category. If a short guy, with long blonde hair, brown eyes and light skin asked you out, and was a decent guy, would you turn him down on the basis of him not fitting into your ideal category? Most of us don't even end up with people who fit this category, so why do we have it? who knows.

    Looks aren't everything to everyone you know, and while we all have this image of a perfect looking guy, a lot of people prefer someone decent, honest and loyal who they can connect with. A guy can be f-ing hot, but still be a complete jackass. I think a decent, nice guy with a sense of humour (like yourself) has nothing to worry about. While looks are good for a first impression, it's the person that leaves the lasting impression.
     
    #2 Micah, Apr 30, 2005
  3. goratrix

    goratrix
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    Ok, I know i wasn't making much sense. The question was directed more towards... how am I supposed to meet someone. I don't have an obvious attractive... and I don't know many people... and the chance of them being gay, and the chance of me liking them, and them liking me back, are extremely low.

    And the subject was: should coming out mean a great change in my life, like a complete hair-style change?
     
    #3 goratrix, Apr 30, 2005
  4. joeyconnick

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    Coming out is usually a MUCH bigger change than a haircut. *grin*

    People like what they like, and there's really no use beating yourself up for it. If you want to beat someone up for it, beat up corporate marketing people from North America because they tend to really push a certain kind of look.

    As for meeting people, I tend to believe coming out really helps that because at least then people know you're "eligible." And generally if you're out, you tend to be more self-confident about yourself, and it's quite amazing what self-confidence can do to boost your attractiveness.

    As Dave said, we often don't end up with someone who fits what we describe as an "ideal type." I think it's okay to have preferences, and maybe some things that just don't work for you (for me that would be smoking), but other than that you really do just have to keep an open mind. It's probably much more useful to focus less on finding a (perfect) guy and more on making yourself a good choice, and by that I REALLY don't mean going on some kind of crazy diet--I mean working on being a good person and taking care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally... the whole package.

    As for attracting the kind of guy you want when what you want is different from what you are... well, I am constantly amazed by how many people end up with people who are quite different from them. I will see people who I do not consider attractive at all with boyfriends who I would die for (physically, at least). Or I will see someone I don't consider a very nice person who has a nice boyfriend. Ultimately, there are no rules. There are some generalities you could attempt to apply and then someone would quickly come along and break them.

    And frankly I think people who want more than anything someone very similar to themselves are pretty egotistical. I mean, yeah, I would date myself if there were two of me but I wouldn't be my ideal choice and certainly not who I would be most interested in pursuing. :lol:

    P.S. I would only cut your hair if you are okay with it and ready for a change. The nice thing about getting your hair cut is that if you don't like, you can always let it grow back.
     
    #4 joeyconnick, May 1, 2005
  5. hawkeye

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    sounds like you havent cut your hair in a long time. I remember when I had a hair cut that resembled the beatles. I wasnt very social, and was basicly ignored by girls. Then, I got my hair cut and highlighted, and some new cloths, and almost everything changed. It was a complete turn off that girls liked me after the hair cut, but i was much more confident with myself. Above all, I think that having a different hair style every once and a while is a good change, and can help you be more confident with your self. on the point of change, that summer I shaved my head for the fun of it, and have changed my hair cut almost constantly since then, and i have fun with it.

    Also, on the point of not being the image of what you like, liking your image seems a bit immoral to me. its like liking yourself, and finding a copy, rather than finding a guy you truely like. And after all, having differences with a date is half the fun of dating.
     
    #5 hawkeye, May 1, 2005
  6. goratrix

    goratrix
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    I never said I wanted someone like me. I was just wondering... how is anyone going to want someone like me? It's something I've been asking myself ever since I came out to myself.

    I know very few people... and beiong gay narrows down my possibilities. And I'm not the type that will go to a bar to meet a guy. If I'm going to build a relationship I need to know the other person... otherwise it's going to be physical and not emotional attraction the base of the relationship. I know for sure I won't walk up to a guy I don't like physically, if I don't know him.

    So... I know about 100 people... at most. Fifty of them are college classmates... so they are out of the question. 20 of the other fifty live 1300 Kms away. At least ten of the other 30 (male) I know for sure they are straight, and are my friends, so I wouldn't think of going ot with them. The other 20... some of them are girls, and some of them guys. Most of the guys are between the ages of 15 and 17, so they are also out of the question.

    Add to that about ten people I know from taekwondo and that should do it.

    0% chances of meeting a guy.

    Oh, well... it's been a depressive week, and this is a tests week, and I have a cold, and I am all bad moody and dark thoughty (???)

    Well I'll go hit my head with a stik or something... seeyah.-
     
    #6 goratrix, May 2, 2005
  7. hawkeye

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    i forgot to mention the expression you used, and i think you mean "whiter than the tits of a nun" meaning the religious people. and it does make sense
     
    #7 hawkeye, May 2, 2005
  8. goratrix

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    Yeah... it was a lapsus linguae, I knew it was not none...

    Anyway... I got a haircut today... actually I just did a few minutes ago. I'm on my way to the shower right now... :slight_smile:
     
    #8 goratrix, May 2, 2005
  9. tinkergeek

    tinkergeek Guest

    yay! you have to be the change.

    as for meeting guys, be yourself. only, be yourself away from the computer. it looks like you are one of the highest poster on the forums, perhaps you should take a break? i mean, you're in college and all, have some fun! this is your last stop before the Real World! yeeks
     
    #9 tinkergeek, May 2, 2005
  10. goratrix

    goratrix
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    Auch... reality sucks. I actually spend lots of time away from my computer... it's just that the few hours a day that I am at home (and not sleeping) I check e-mail and forums. that's why my post rate is so high. I actually check the forum about 10 times a day sometimes.

    About being myself... I am myself... and I like computers, and I love internet. I'm not myself when I'm at a bar... that's just not me. About meeting guys... I'll just have to work a little on my people skills... and try to expand my circles to something different. I know, and I've always known that it's going to be hard for me to meet partners... so that's. Ands I think that my lack of social skills is the cause of some things, and the effect of others that are not important right now...

    Still... I'm not taking a break (thanks for the advice though) for I don't consider that I spend much time at my computer. After all... it's going to be my mean of life in a few years... so I have to get used to it ;-)

    Besides, I find that here I can speak freely, and it's always available, unlike some of my friends. And with some others I can't speak about certain things.

    Anyway, I like my new haircut... and I feel a little spark of pride about how I look. It's something I haven't felt since I was 14 and in the water polo team.

    I am starting a fitness program this week. Yes, diet, excercise (although I already do a lot, I want to make sure It's enough)... And hopefully this will mean a change in my life-style... funny how a small rock can start an avalanche.
     
    #10 goratrix, May 2, 2005
  11. goratrix

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    Oh, yeah... and what part of BIG FREAKING NERD didn't you understand! this is me, it's not just a label... or if it is, it suits me perfectly in so many ways.
     
    #11 goratrix, May 2, 2005
  12. tinkergeek

    tinkergeek Guest

    wow, yikes, i didn't mean to insult you! hopefuly i didn't.. i just meant that you should attend computer groups and the like. not only do you get to be around more computer/techy people, cute geeky guys are always to be found! :-D

    sorry, i've diverged off topic somewhat, but i didn't want to make a public insult against you. if i did, i'm sorry.
     
    #12 tinkergeek, May 2, 2005
  13. popboy

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    I've been thinking on that for years. Even before coming out to myself. I know that won't help you... "mal de muchos consuelo de tontos" (hard to translate Spanish saying). The fact is that this feeling has to do more with your self-esteem than with the "coming out" process. I've learnt it through therapy. It sound obvious when written this way but for me it was a kind of discovery.
    You're estimating your chances of meeting another gay guy based on your present situation. Imagine if, as you said previously, you finally decide to start working out at a gym. Then your chances will be different. In any case, your chances are always over 0%. I've learnt statistics at college, you know!
     
    #13 popboy, May 2, 2005
  14. goratrix

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    tinkergeek: I wasn't insulted at all, I was just being harsh... sorry ;-)

    About the cute geeky guy... hmmm... I like the idea... :slight_smile:. About attending to computer groups... people suck in this country. I've only found about 3 people I can talk about computing with. I used to be in a Linux Users Group back in Buenos Aires... but there are none here. I am, next semester, starting a Campuswide Linux Users Group... hopefully some interesting people will join. :slight_smile:

    Popboy: 'misery likes company'... so it does make me feel better to know that I'm not the only one with these feelings. Anyway, I've always had a low self-esteem, and lately it has diminished a little because of some stupid things I did lately... *thinks of AC, a stupid mistake in a math test (-2) + (-2) = 0 <-- yeah, I put that in an exam...
     
    #14 goratrix, May 3, 2005
  15. joeyconnick

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    I wanted to ask... why would them being your classmates make it out of the question? Seems like this would be the best place to start since you have something in common with them and you know them.
     
    #15 joeyconnick, May 3, 2005
  16. goratrix

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    Catholic University... oh well... call me crazy, but catholic church isn't exactly gay-friendly...
     
    #16 goratrix, May 3, 2005
  17. joeyconnick

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    No, true... it's not gay-friendly. But hey, you're there! Do you really think you're the only one?
     
    #17 joeyconnick, May 3, 2005
  18. goratrix

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    That's a good point. Still, I won't feel comfortable coming out there until I've built a reputation with the teaching staff, the dean (sp?) and the head of the math department at least. After I've earnt(sp?) their trust as a person, as a student, as a computer ingeneer to be, and as a nerd... I do think they will accept me. But before that I don't think I could handle the rejection if it should happen.

    Still, i've seen quiet a few cute geeks over there... I try not to think about it too much... and soon I'll tell the geeks from the geek wannabes... and tell you if any of the ones that remained are cute... ;-)

    Anyway, I don't want to get a crush on anyone there, I don't want to have another isue like the one I have with AC... not again please!!!
     
    #18 goratrix, May 3, 2005
  19. goratrix

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    Oh, well. I think this should go in here. By now I'm pretty sure you've read about AC... and if you haven't it's not so important... let's just say I have a crush on him.

    So, thursday. I went there early (as usual!) we had our examinations that day at 6 PM. it was arround 4:30 PM. And he was there, of course. The higher rank instructors have been teasing him lately, they want him to cut his hair, he is giving a bad image to the gym.

    Personally I don't think he is... I think he looks damn fine with his hair the way it is (was), but still, they were pressuring him to cut his hair. And I just kept joking and teasing him with that. And on thursday they told him that he couldn't take the exam unless he had a haircut. He goes to a place downtown, and it was almost 5 by then. So I offered to give him a ride... and so I did.

    On the way we talked (duh!) about many things, and one of them was karma. I like to call it Balance, or TAO... but karma works. He asked me if I was comfortable with my karma, and I said I was (because I really am comfortable with the way things turned out for me), and then he asked me what it was. Obviously I was thinking: I think that me being gay is Balance trying to teach me something... I'm not out, so I couldn't tell him that... Instead I just said: My karma is to make you suffer and torture you.

    I don't know... but I am giving such strong signals lately that if he doesn't realize I'm gay he's a lot less perceptive than I would have thought. And I'm only giving them to him, I am very careful of how I act arround him and arround other people... and it's quiet different.

    Anyway... I am just so happy, and I thought I would share a good moment of my life with you... since you've read most of my bad moments lately... XD

    THANK YOU ALL!!! I LOVE YOU!!!
     
    #19 goratrix, May 8, 2005
  20. joeyconnick

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    Well, it may seem surprising but a lot of people just seem incapable of seeing it (it being that someon is gay). And the fact that that's the case is why it sucks that so many of you guys seem to have felt the need to radically change your personality and how you socialise out of fear of being "found out." I think it's probably a lot more obvious to you than it is to anyone else. Fear tends to magnify things and I would think that always being in fear of being "discovered" probably draws a lot more attention than just being relaxed. At least, I know I immediately get suspicious if I feel like someone is trying to hide something.
     
    #20 joeyconnick, May 8, 2005
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