I read on an earlier post that mentioning dating sites would be inappropriate, so I would like to highlight that this is not the subject of this thread. This is to ask whether anyone can offer me and others advice on online dating and to provide a space to rant about it as well. This seems to be one of the only ways of meeting people when you are looking for same sex relationships, given the ratio of straight:gay people. I have joined up to a few of the free sites and have had mail conversations with a couple of women. My experiences on the forum, however, have inspired me to start this thread with a few questions / thoughts (in no particular order): Have others found that people you've been communicating with and seem to have something of a rapport with stop communicating with absolutely no indication or explanation? Why do people who live in countries right over the other side of the world continue to contact you and/or express interest in you when you've specifically stated 'within the country'? Why, on gay/lesbian specific websites do you still get people posting things like "I'm a 47 year old woman and my husband and I would love you to join us for a threesome..."? (you can imagine how lovely that is for a 28 year old lesbian virgin to receive!). When communicating - where is the balance between light-hearted and genuine? And- (I am nowhere near this stage yet) - At what point does it seem appropriate to meet up with someone you've been communicating with? What are people's instincts regarding safety advice? What does one do if it turns out there isn't a spark? What does one do if it turns out there is? Any other thoughts and advice people would like to add are very welcome!
I'm in an online relationship now, we didn't meet on a dating site, I'm not even sure how they work. My girlfriend lives in Florida, USA and I'm in Ontario, Canada and it's been hard because she is so far away. We've been together about a week shy of a year and we're going to meet this Tuesday. * At what point does it seem appropriate to meet up with someone you've been communicating with? When you feel save and secure with them, if you feel like something might be off with them or they have other intentions I'd say wait until you're really sure. What are people's instincts regarding safety advice? Make sure they're a real person first, video chat with them, ask for a sign or something first. Make sure you're not talking to someone completely different. If you're going to meet them just make sure it's public and you have people with you, I'd advice never to go alone and I'm sure a lot of people are with me. Meet them and see how your friends/family feel about them if there aren't any red flags then try a solo date or something What does one do if it turns out there isn't a spark? Tell them! A lot of online relationships fail because there isn't a spark in person but there is while talking online. It's common and nothing to feel bad about. Not all relationships work out. Just tell them, if you don't want to lose them as a friend just suggest that. They might not want that but it's better to keep them as a friend instead of losing them all together. What does one do if it turns out there is? Also, I would tell them. See how they feel and if it's mutual talk about future plans. Something great could happen Always be cautious though, you don't know them really well if you're meeting them for the first time. Don't scare yourself into not having a good time though, just stay aware and if you have a bad feeling, leave.
Look, the internet is now at a point where people who are online are about the same as they are in real life. Or most people are, anyway. So most people you'll find here now are probably genuine. Yes, there's a screen. And it's easier to type things up than say them out loud. But you can't get everything for free, including in the case with the internet. Everything you do, everything you post is out there for the whole world to see at any point in time. So when someone's dating someone else or meets up with them, a quick google search might very likely show some truths about that person. So when taking all of that into account, it's not so easy for people anymore to gratituously go online and search for prey without getting caught. SO.. what's my point here? My point is that whenever someone tries to scare you away from online dating because of "predators", and making the claim that only predators are what you'd find, it's a terrible claim. If that were the case, then predators would be finding other predators (Hey, double prizes for the cops!). And soon enough, those predators would give up. So the fact that online dating is still a thing should tell you that the above claim (online dating = only predators and rapists) is out the window, and that yes, you can find true, genuine people. Anyway, how do you know? In my case, it was pretty easy. I met my boyfriend through a group of people who make online content. So seeing that A. he has content and B. his VOICE is in his content was almost a dead giveaway. Not to mention he had a Facebook page that had mutual friends, all of whom were friends through the group we were in. We skype called, tried video a couple times and it wasn't too great. And then I met him in England. So yeah, I can say he's pretty tangible I honestly think that once you know someone IS genuine and not trying to search for prey, then it's simply a relationship. The term "online relationship" has 2 parts. The first is ONLINE. The second part is RELATIONSHIP. Get rid of the "online" aspects, and it's simply a relationship, which means both parties give and take from each other, they form interaction and share thoughts and experiences, through the good, meh, and bad. Fundamentally, if you can't handle an IRL relationship, then you probably can't handle an online relationship. If you're not being genuine about it and are only doing it for personal gain and not because you truly love that person, then that relationship isn't going to last very long. Basically what I'm saying here is that an online relationship is simply just a relationship with fancy technology. If you know the person is real and genuine, then that's all that it boils down to.
My friend had a good saying about online dating. "Give them the benefit of the doubt until they give you a reason not to." Truth is, 50% of relationships start online now. Dont be afraid. Yeah you'll run into some creeps and weird people, but don't let it keep you from trying. Keep your guard up, but don't keep it all the way up so that its impossible to meet someone. The basic rules still apply. Meet in a public spot. Maybe have a friend call you sometime through the date to make sure its going well. If you see red flags, maybe call it a day and talk later. Basic stuff. Like I said, you'll meet creeps and the like, but there are also genuine people online who are looking to meet someone too.
