Tell Your Story!

Here is my story:

I knew I was gay from a very young age. I was not familiar with the term "gay" but I knew I liked men. It never bothered me but I had a feeling it was frowned upon. So I kept it to myself.

I was raised as a Muslim. As I got older I began to practice Islam. Soon learnt homosexuality is a sin in Islam according to scholars. This had a big impact on me.

I was not very popular at school. I look masculine but have some feminine traits. Since I went to a school full of conservative Muslims I faced negativity and isolation.

I managed to pass my exams at school and get job. I was not good at my job so I left. There were also racial issues. I'm South Asian (Punjabi) and faced negativity especially when using public transport.

So here I am now. I'm going to keep my sexuality to myself. Coming from a conservative culture I believe that you should keep your sexuality and your sex life to yourself. I dislike how people casually talk about their sex life. Whilst I'm not interested in having a relationship I cannot deny that I do experience sorrow for having to live like this.

 

That's actually a really cool idea ^.^ and I hope you're able to figure yourself out, some more, sounds like you've already come a long way(*hug*)

Okay....mine will be LONG, I'm warning you!

Myy story. Hmm. My name is Seth (birth name), but I've gone by Stefani, in the past. I was born in a little (predominantly Catholic, Italian) town outside of Pittbsurgh, PA. Raised in a very religious, mixed Protestant/Catholic, homeschool family. My father is just your average joe..my mom is a very complex woman, who suffers from severe mental illness, unfortunately.

I've known I felt female...honestly since age 4, but I guess I always thought I was alone. It's always been a very strong, very intense feeling, but I never knew there was anything I could do about it.

Well, life was pretty much non-descript until age 15/16; just self hatred over wanting to be female, over liking guys, over being atheist, etc. in my very ignorant, bigoted family. It was a lot of..dark years. But when I was about 15/16, I found out about transition, and that changed my entire life.

Well, it was something I wanted to do, but the more I explored it, the more it felt impossible. This caused severe depression...I had been in a bad place, for a while, but after this it intensified to a serious degree. I became over weight, I had very poor hygiene, I was entirely socially isolated, and spent my days thinking about suicide...it was a badd, bad time.

Well, I kept on this way, until I FINALLY had a wakeup call and realized it was time to make some changes in my life. So, I started getting it together. I lost weight, I focused on becoming sociable and outgoing, etc. Aaand, I finally got the courage to come out to my sister...as gay..

Well, after this, I went to live with my gramma, and well, I came out to my mom, she outed me to my gramma, then had a very bad, bad mental break, which the responsibility of dealing with was placed almost solely on me for a while (at one point, my dad was in Texas, and I was the only person who kept her from getting REALLY bad, but she ended up hospitalized for a while).

Well, after the dust settled, my gramma blamed me and told me being gay was disgusting, etc. I started losing massive amounts of weight, and became severely anorexic and underweight. I became suicidal, and came very close to dying, one night.

Around this time...I started wanting to transition again, on top of everything. Soo, I got my first job (as a dishwasher) and worked my ass of to pay for HRT, until my gramma found my estrogen and I had to go back to my mom's (my mom actually took my transition better than expected, after some nasty arguments).

Well, I was in transition for a few months, started passing as a pretty girl, and I just kinda....I wasn't feeling it, we'll say, so I stopped the process and went back to being a gay male.

Well, I'm living that, now, and tbh? I still pass. Every single day, I get called ma'am or she...just did yesterday, actually. Soo, yeahh. I'm not sure what I'm going to do...I may transition again, I may not. Just kinda living for the moment, for now.

It's been a crazy year; moved from Texas to Virginia, dealt with a mental breakdown in the family (all by myself, largely), came out as gay, moved out of home, struggled with depression and anorexia, got my first job, turned 18, came out as trans*, moved back home, transitioned, detransitioned, was homeless in Seattle for a time (after my mom kicked us out, briefly), lost my virginity, etc., etc., and nowww, it makes me wonder....what's next! And can I handle it?? We'll see!

 

My Story:

My name is Angel, I'm 18 and I am from East Los Angeles. When I was younger I was never really the outgoing person that I am today. In fact I remember always being bullied in school over my weight, I had no friends, and to add on top of that my grades were never important to me. Now looking at how far I have come I can say that my life has changed for the better, and it all changed when I moved from California to Tennessee to live with my sister. Tennessee was my chance to redo and reinvent myself. Of course it wasn't easy because I missed my parents, I still struggled in school, and I was dealing with my orientation, but out of every challenge I faced I would have not been able to do it without the help of my niece. My niece Desiree has made the difference in my life, ever since I was born and I mean literally since birth we have been inseparable; she's actually the main reason I made the move to TN. Where ever she went I went; we are a package deal and I can't imagine what I would do with out her; she may be my niece but she will always be my sister. I love her and no matter how much we argue I will will always be there for her, because I know with out her in my life I would be lost and incomplete.

When I came to TN I changed for the better. I no longer cared what people thought and because of that I got over my shyness. I went from having no friends to having a group of friends that mean the world to me. My grades went up, I went from getting Fs to making As & Bs; I went from thinking that I wouldn't make it pass high school to actually graduating and being accepted into college.

During high school is when I finally came out; 10th grade to be exact. Just like most people it was confusing for me but I knew for sure when I met a girl that I developed feelings for that went past friendship. Who would have ever known that the feelings were mutual between us, but I was so blind to how she felt about me that I did not realize until she kissed me. It was my first kiss, and I ruined it, because at the time I was not out and I was afraid so I did the dumbest thing ever. I freaked out and told her and made it clear that I was not a "fag." I'm appalled at myself for ever using that word knowing how hurtful it is and the fact that it made me the biggest hypocrite ever, made it even worse. Due to my reaction I lost her to someone else and it was on that day I saw her with someone else that I vowed to come out and be proud of who I am because I do not want to miss another chance of being with a girl that I like and care about.

So to sum things up. I'm 18 now, moved to TN when I was 11, came out in the 10th grade I was 14 at the time, graduated high school c/o 2012, now currently enrolled in my second of year of college. I hope to graduate in 2016 and receive my B.S. in political Science and Criminal Justice.

Life truly does get better it's just a matter of making the choice that will change it for the better; even if it is the most difficult choice. (&&&)

 

When I was a little girl, I used to hang out with just as many boys as I did girls. I spent a lot of my time keeping up with the boys, as well as pretending I was one. Of course, I also pretended I was a princess, a fierocious dragon, and a robotic spaceman - that's the way children work.

As I grew older though, and more and more gendered things were expected of me, I started getting frustrated by my inability to meet the expectations everyone seemed to have for me. Suddenly I was supposed to prefer certain colors and fits of clothes, activities, even music. The bits of jewelry and accessories that were given to me as gifts over the years sat in a pile more than they ever ended up displayed on my body, I simply couldn't make the damn things work. I supposed I was just a different kind of girl, and left it at that. When I hit puberty, though, I found myself frustrated by my changing body. I hated my curves, and wished I could hide them, or get rid of them somehow. When I started developing breasts I felt like I was dying. I guess I knew that my body would develop the way it did, but it still felt unreal, and unwanted. I felt clunky and stuck. As time went by I grew more and more self-conscious, anxious, and sad, and by the time I was 14, I started hurting myself, and felt completely disconnected from the world around me.

I became fascinated by gender by the time I was in high school, and found myself obsessing over crossdressers. I felt sort of a connection with them, and admired the style of my favorite, Mana. At the time though, the trans thing was the furthest thing from my mind. It didn't pertain to me - couldn't pertain to me. I didn't know that there were ftm's out there, and (wrongly) assumed that it didn't matter what I felt like inside, you couldn't make a girl into a guy. I liked guys, but it was a strange sensation, one part of me desiring to be with attractive guys, and a stronger part of me desiring to just be them. By the time I went to college, though, I came to realize that not only could you identify outside of the binary, but you could physically express it, and not only that but you could indeed make a girl into a guy. Bombarded with this new information I was finally certain that I really just wasn't a girl. My previous struggles with body image, somehow pervasive and dissuaded by messages of body positivity, suddenly made sense. Things didn't necessarily look up, but I stopped hurting myself, and felt a little more real.

But some things still left me stumped. The more I read about the stories of transguys, the less I felt I could relate. The only things that I seemed to connect on were, 1, being born female, and 2, desiring to be male. The rest of the classic ftm story - liking girls but not feeling like a lesbian, fighting about wearing dresses, thinking they'd someday grow a penis - just didn't pertain to me. Eventually I found other transguys that were more like me, and some of that confusion started to subside.

So I guess here I am now. Out to a couple of friends, but still predominantly in the closet.

 

I never thought I could actually use this. I wrote this last weekend :T I don't know why. I just opened Word and started writing. So this is my story. I hope you'll get the main facts from that :U PS: I suck at writing, I know :V

Spoiler

Quite normal..

This kinda feels like those "Draw My Life" videos on YouTube, but just in written form. I suppose it is like that, and I will be telling you my life story now, but considering on what I'm planning on writing, I believe it is necessary. You can at least get a short "preview" of me and who I am.
I 'll start from a time before I was born. My mother and father met at school. I believe they were friends or someting, I'm not entirely sure. Their age difference is somewhat big. I believe it is about 7 years. It could be more or less, but it doesn't matter. After graduation, they went their separate ways for a while. It was after my mother's first marriage, when they became truly involved. They told me a story where there was some auction and my dad bought all the flowers that could be bought from there and gave them to my mum. Sometime later, they went on a road trip together, and I hear that one night, they took things to the next level. And from there on they eventually got engaged and married.
I wasn't the first child mum had. Before my dad, she was married to another man, as I said before. I've met him, he is really nice, and from that marriage, I have an older sister and an older brother. The two split up though, but I can't remember the exact reason and it doesn't really matter either. It was between them. Anyway, after my brother and sister and after my dad came into the picture, my mum got pregnant a few times, but lost all the babies before birth. I'll spare you the details. But eventually, I came and I suppose they were happy.
My childhood was good. To be honest, I can't remember much and when I do remember something, it is usually something bad or something embarrassing that I've done. That makes me wonder whether I really was a bad child, a bad son and overall a weird person. But I could be wrong, because I probably wouldn't have the friends I have today if I was a bad child. I'm just a pessimist anyway, so I should probably ask this from someone who spent their childhood with me.
But yes, I was a weird child for sure. I used to live in a flat on the edge of my small town. Our street was like a small community on it's own, especially when it came to us kids. We all stuck together, played outside and did all sorts of crazy and bizarre things. One day we were tornado hunters, the other day we were a regular "family" trying to get through their everyday lives. I remember I cried a lot. I suppose I was teased, but really I think I just didn't get the jokes. So I felt like I was bullied a bit. But I still stuck around. I never went anywhere.
That is in the past now. We've all moved on and some of us have even moved out of the city or the street. Me for an example. We bought a house near school, so everything is more accessible and honestly, I kind of prefer the house. I have a bigger room, so that's a plus. But yeah, we moved on, made new friends and also kept old friends. Now comes the period where I begin to realize that I really am not quite as the other kids. But til then, I suppose I was quite normal. Except the part where I put leaves in my pants so that a girl would like me... Yeah... awkward...

My identity

It was about 4 years ago when I really started focusing on my self-image and really truly paid any attention to myself. I suppose I was considered to be a good guy. I cared for others more than I did for myself. I had also been a victim of bullying at school, because of my hair color. That was kinda bad, but again, I moved on, got stronger and turned those bad emotions into something good. So I finally paid some attention to myself and began seeing that I indeed wasn't like the other guys. When the topic of girls came up, I didn't react or think the same way. I didn't say the same things they would. I just thought that I had my own opinions and such, which I probably did, but now I see that there was something more in those situations than just "my own opinions".
I ignored those feelings and thoughts at first, but in time, it became all the more evident that I could be a part of a community I never thought I could be a part of. I didn't believe it, I didn't believe myself, I hated myself. I saw how the society treated such people, how they were loathed, cast out and even killed in extreme situations. It didn't make my situation any better. At that time, I didn't think that there were any other guys or girls like me out there. But boy, was I wrong. There were tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, hell, even millions of other youngsters like me, strugglng and feeling alone. And many of them had it worse than me. I'm sure most can relate to me when I say that I hated myself, and with me being non-religious, I even tried to speak to God to make me normal. I began believing the concepts of Hell and Heaven more and more and believed that I would end up in hell. In short, I thought I was an abomination. I also just want to bring out the fact that I was, am and always will be a nerd of some sort and mostly believe in these fantasy places and worlds and I can't say that there isn't a God. I am just the person who needs irrefutable evidence to make me fully believe.
That was off topic, sorry. So yeah, I was just one of the guys and girls who question everything and think that they're not normal. I cried a lot during those times. Usually at night, quietly, so that I wouldn't wake my parents. Eventually I stopped. It took me a few years and those years were filled with denial, self-loathing and all of that stuff, but eventually I stopped. And about a year ago, I was ready to emerge anew. I was finally sure of who I am. I was gay. I could focus on the things I had to, for most of the time at least. I actually thought that I could live on. But I didn't think about the future at that time. Then, I went to places and met new people and met this guy who had gone to my school. It was this retraining event about media and journalism. I met friends who I love to this day and I'll see them again soon, happy days! Anyways, he was one of the leaders of the group that I was in. Having him graduated my school made me feel like we knew each other for so long. But we got to know each other for a bit and you could say that it was the time when I developed my first guy crush. I'll spare you the boring details, because I sent him a letter, about half a year later, where I said that I was gay and that I liked him. It was foolish of me, to be honest, but I did it and surprisingly, I got positive feedback from him, but he stated that he probably wasn't the right person I should talk to. He was right. But I could move on. Those feelings stuck to me for a while, but I could move on completely. So technically, he was the first person I came out to. However, no offense to him, I tend not to count it as "really" coming out, since I prefer to say it face to face. Makes it more personal.

Right decision

From there on, I became more and more confident. I did the things I loved and I had a good end to my first year in high school. During those few months after sending the letter and getting over that amazing guy, I crushed on a few other guys. Those were the typical straight guy crushes, that just didn't want to go away. Eventually, they did, but every gay guy and girl has those, that is for certain.
I had also thought about really coming out to a few people. There was no way I was going to do a Facebook post about it. I was and still am too afraid to do that. I had to rule my family out, since I wasn't and again, still am not ready for the drama that would come from it. I'm just not that guy who likes drama and wants to yell at his parents and then leave because they're too narrow minded to understand the society of today. Some may think or say that I'm mean and rude at this point. I can agree with you, I could be selfish right now, but this is my life and my identity and if they don't like who I am, then they have no business in my life. Harsh, but that's what I believe.
So all that was left were my friends. My rocks, my everything at that moment and right now as well. It really took me a year ( I had thought about it before the retraining and the letter things), to really decide that I wanted to come out to a few friends. I had a difficult time choosing who to tell, since I did have two guys who I' d say are my best friends, but I love al my friends equally, so I had a difficult time choosing the right one. Then, I decided that it should be a girl. Just in case. I wanted to play it safe. But I was still afraid. I had chosen the very girl for whom I had put leaves in my pants and done other embarrassing things, but we got along very well and we had been friends since we were children. She was the one.
I delayed our meeting a few days. I was too chicken. But the day was August 4th, when I finally decided that I would tell her. So I got dressed and waited for her call. I stared at the phone and when it rang, I felt a shiver go through me. She said that she can meet now and I was on my way. I felt like I couldn't go there if I didn't listen to music at first, so I put on my earphones and from my Samsung, I listened to two Milo Greene songs (an indie band). Those kind of set me up, and frankly, made me feel like I'm in some drama TV show. I had this speech thought out and I wanted to prepare her for what was coming. When I got to her house, the first thing that happened, was that I was startled. By her. She came flying through the door and I was so damn nervous that I almost had a heart attack. I was now nearly sweating and feeling really hot. My face was so red, I think I saw myself glowing of the nervousness. Then, she asked what's up. And my speech was useless. I just blurted out that I was gay and that was it. We were quiet for a few seconds and then she asked: "Whoa, how?" or something like that. And then we talked for a while and she was okay with it. I felt like I just dropped a 5 ton sandbag. I felt light, but I still felt kinda sick. So we talked and walked for a while and then I went home. I felt so much better. It was probably the best feeling I had had in a long time. I had just done it. I had just come out to a close friend, and it was the right decision.

Not prepared

2 weeks later, I was hanging out with my two best guy friends. We're a weird bunch. We do weird stuff and we're just not normal. Sometimes I feel like I'm the weirdest one, but every now and then, I'm reminded that those two are as weird as I am. So later on, after we had cycled and done other stuff, we started to talk about life and everything else. It didn't take long for us to reach the pic of girls. One of those two has girlfriend, the other one had one a few years ago and I am and have always been single. But we started talking about the girls we like. I stayed quiet for most of the time, and those two began discussing what kind of girls I might like, since I don't usually say much on the matter. I kinda felt cornered. They were sure that I would care much more about personality than looks, which is true, but the fact was that I am gay.
I couldn't make my worried face go away, since I felt like I was cornered and like I was lying to them. Then one of them asked laughingly: "Are you gay?" I looked at both of them and my face said it all. And then, words came out of my mouth. I said something like: "Well, if you ask it that way, then yes." Silence engulfed the room. Both stared at me and then asked "Really?!" I nodded, one of them pretended to faint, the other was just stunned. Then they put some music and then we proceeded to talk about it. It was awkward, really damn awkward. But they were okay with it, one more than the other though. I don't really know how they feel, but they do seem to be really okay with it. And I'm glad. At least I don't have to hide my interests from them anymore, which makes our friendship more complete. But I was not prepared for that at all. I had not intended to come out to them, but fortunately, everything went well. Again, I felt sick. I actually wanted to throw up, but luckily I didn't. So as I said, we talked about it and so on and eventually we all went home and that was probably the most shocking day of my life. It was just so sudden, but again, I'm happy and pleased. ​

 

My name's Alexandra, I'm from Bristol in the UK.

I was always attracted to guys, never any question about it. However, I'd also always looked at girls, but as my feelings towards them were different to my feelings about guys I never realized them for what they were.

In secondary school I never dated anyone (still haven't ) and fit comfortably into the smart, nerdy group. I fell in love (or at least, infatuation) with my male best friend for about a year and a bit (year 10 and part of year 11). Raised in a Christian family, I 'knew' that God thought homosexuality was wrong, but always had a problem with it.

Then around 15 I began feeling urge to kiss my female best friend. I also watched Glee (heh) for the first time, and discovered Britney and Santana - a lesbian couple - and I realised I might be bi. I excitedly and naively thought about coming out (it all made sense to me - attractions I had felt over the years), but freaked out - I wasn't ready, and didn't know enough about bisexuality at all, and pushed this all to the back of my mind, and focused on my interest in my guy-crush.

Going into college (years 12 and 13) I felt more attractions to girls (as well as guys). I did more research into what bisexuality actually was, and discovered that a lot of people believed there was a difference between romantic and sexual attraction. This explained the difference between my attraction to guys and girls.

For the past year (now I'm nearly 18) I have been wrestling with my feelings, and trying to find out whether I'm straight and confused, or bisexual. The fact that I only recognized my attraction to girls in my mid/late teens, whilst I had always known I was attracted to guys, did not help. I tried to come to terms with my sexuality, even going as far as to fly-post my college with posters about bisexuality. This was kind of a crazy period. My head was practically aching at all my confusing thoughts - it was enough to drive me to tears of frustration a couple of times. I found EC at the end of this period, and joined it a while later.

I accepted that I was bisexual about a month ago - romantically and sexually attracted to guys, only romantically attracted to girls (maybe a tiny bit sexually attracted). I took the plunge - I was ready, after years of denial and lack of understanding, although I chose the wrong time and manner of going about it, I think - to come out to my parents, and I did. It was all good, although my dad's a bit weirded out and my mum loves it and keeps calling me a lesbian (desite my protestations).

At the moment, I am happy with where I am, and would like to start meeting bi/gay girls to talk to ... and maybe date

 

Not much to tell. My real name is Daniel. I have many names honestly. "Hrantou" is what I prefer. If you were to take a time machine to meet me when I was 16, then come to now as I am 21, you would meet 2 completely different people. I've grown a lot over the years. I haven't done much with my life so far. Never got far in college. In fact, I've spent most of it alone. I've always been on my own. I like to wander the streets of my hometown. You see lots of interesting things. I never forget any of them. Like the homeless man who sits at the bus stop everyday, but never gets on. The woman who goes to the high school everyday for at least an hour because she lost something. I don't know what it is though.

Truth is, I don't have an interesting story. I'm just a lonely 21 year old gay guy who wanders around town hahaha. This thread is really cool though. I like peoples stories.

 

My name is Yer and I found out I was attracted to women when I was in middle school. Before that, I would have these dreams of the same girl chasing me around. In my dreams she would tell me that she wanted to be with me. I was very confused but it didn't feel wrong in any way. Only question was, who was this girl and why do I have so many dreams of her wanting to be with me? Back in elementary, I didn't know what flirting was and I didn't know what gay or lesbian was. I would flirt with my female friends without even knowing I was flirting. And I had this friend that I just couldn't stop thinking about. Whenever we have group projects, I would always hope that we would end up in the same group. I didn't know why I wanted to be around her or why I always thought of her. I didn't realize it till I was a freshman in high school that I had a crush on her and she was my first crush.

 

I LOVE THIS THREAD!! Love reading everyone's story.
Okay My Story: its rather long and I left A LOT out.

The last 4 years have been a whirlwind for me. I've changed so much. I can barely believe I'm the same person.

I was raised in religious cult. Jehovah's Witnesses, to be exact.
I never knew what being gay was. I was always the girly girl. Makeup, dresses and I swore I was going to grow up and be Cinderella. I had dolls and I hated dirt, cars, sports and anything boyish. I used to get teased because I didnt have a boyfriend. I eventually got a boyfriend at 13, and it was ok till he tried to kiss me...then I got grossed out.
I had my first girl crush at 16 and called it a fluke. I told my bff that I was worried I was gay and she said it was ok. Anyways..I focused on school. I'm pretty smart with an IQ of 147 and I graduated with a 3.98 in HS. I wanted to go to Yale when I grad, but my religion forbids college education, especially moving away. I settled and went to a state school regardless of what the church said so I could live at home and still do my duty to God.
I had my next crush at 18 in college. I keep getting crushes on women and I didn't understand why they wouldn't stop. I had prayed about it and nothing changed. I had met lesbians in HS and I told myself I wasnt like them. I wasnt boyish. I didnt play sports. I wasnt gay. I was a girl.
Eventually I got a boyfriend at 19, one people would approve of. It was miserable. i didnt like him. I broke up with him and then decide to go out with this one girl. I kissed her and it blew my mind. That was what I wanted. A woman.
I repented at church and told a "friend" she told me to talk to my elders about it. I did. The suggested regular structured Bible study (see. ex-gay therapy) I went through that. I became really depressed. I got to where I wanted to kill myself. My friend who I came out to in HS dragged me to a therapist at college who started helping me see it was okay to be gay. I stopped going to the Bible therapy at church and decided to accept how I was...but just stay single and give my life to God.

Eventually I wanted a friend...someone I could talk to. I joined an online place and posted about wanting a friend. Someone who wasn't out who wasn't in the "gay lifestyle". I met this girl. We started hanging out a lot...she was beautiful and in the closet like I was. We both said it was just...getting it out of our systems. We weren't looking for long term.
Eventually one thing lead to another and we slept together.

My mother found out by reading my journal. I was kicked out. I got a place after staying with my sister for a little while. Eventually my church found out too. I was put on trial and was kicked out for "homosexual behavior". I was depressed and tried to kill myself. That led to me being sad, sick and I lost my job. I also lost my apartment.

Long story short, I was homeless for a while. See Jehovah's Witnesses have their own community. They keep you away from non Jehovah's witness family. I didnt know my other family. I felt alone.
My gf helped me get settled. She introduced me to a guy who owned a IT company and was looking for an employee. I studied, was hired, I learned the skills I needed quickly. I stayed in company housing till I was able to get a place.
Eventually I reconnected with my non Jehovah's Witness family.
2 years later I'm alive. I'm happily engaged to the woman I met online over 3 years ago. I have a great job, great career, my own condo and I did make up with my mother for kicking me out 4 years ago.
It does get better

 

Hi!

Inspiring stories. I cannot wait to share my own story but I don't have any. I have always liked girls but I kept convincing myself that is not a way to live. I am hoping to learn and meet people who will inspire me to fill in that missing puzzle piece.

I am waiting for my story. Now, I will content myself in reading everyones.

 

Yo, I am 18, in A2 year and my nickname is Kitty. I don't like my actual name so yeah.

To be honest, before I turned 15, I had no idea!

I mean, I look back now and think, well, yeah, that was a give away, but hey.

The first attraction to girls I had was at a party. I was about 13. We were drunk kissing etc as a joke and one of the girls was actually bisexual (yeah she was a bit older than me), I enjoyed it way too much. The bisexual girl, noticed this and maybe played it a little too hard with me. I was 13 and quite homophobic (due to being raised Catholic). The nicest way to put this is she got very touchy feely, so when it started turning me on I stopped and backed away. I had literally no idea I was bi. She giggled and said "Come on sweetie" and I freaked out and pushed her away. I then realised after it was fun, but I convinced myself it was just practise with the other girls and I didn't really like it, so this continued for a while.

A few months later, I was just about 14, the bisexual girl and I were on a hike together, where we slept in 2 man tents, so we were very, very close. It was made up of three nights. The first night she was stroking my leg etc and getting very close. I kinda ignored her as like, I thought I could only do this when I was drunk. The next day she was normal with me so I just kinda forgot about it. That night she did the same again and then kissed my neck. I sat up and was like "What are you doing" and she said, "What do you think I'm doing" and then kissed me. I kissed her back and it got a little touchy again, but before anything happened she stopped, paused, pulled away and said "I can't go any further right now..." and I was like "Ew I wouldn't anyway" (hahaha) and then she ignored me and said "It's just you're 14 and I'm nearly 18, this is pretty bad..." so yeah, the next day was awks. The next night was silent :/

Then for about a year, I didn't do anything. It was annoying, because I was in a friendship group where all the girls were attractive. And boy do I mean all! I started getting close to one in particular and she became my first girlfriend. I was just like "I'm only curious" for a very long time, which upset her a lot, as she was a lesbian. I really fell in love with her and I really regret fucking up. Neither of us told our parents... until we broke up.

We broke up when we were 17, and that was when I had to tell my parents. I was in such a wreck and they had no idea why. When I told my Dad, he just hugged me. When I told my Mum, she didn't speak to me for a long time.

Now I'm pretty comfortable with girls, I've found out a lot of them actually want to experiment and are curious, which is awesome for me, as I really, really struggle with commitment. I'm feeling more lesbian than straight sexually, but I romantically like a guy at the moment, so I just tend to ignore lust.

So yeah, that's my story.

 

Hi~

My name is Alice and this is my story.

I was born in Ontario, Canada and have lived there my whole life. I have had social anxiety disorder as long as I can remember, though I didn't realize what it was until I was diagnosed with it when I was sixteen. As a kid, I used to hide in closets (oh the irony :lol and bathroom stalls sometimes in order to avoid people. I used to get picked on a lot until I met a close friend.

When I was eight, I was suffering a lot as my marks weren't good (partially due to a diagnosed learning disability in math), I had started to stutter, my parents and me weren't getting along, etc. I became suicidal and was close to making an attempt before I got taken to the doctors. I got better though, and I promised myself that I would never let myself be suicidal again and that I would use the life I had spared to help others. Both of these things have a big impact on me today.

In middle school, grade 6, I got my first crush on anyone. I never did anything about it. However, the guy was really nice to me, and did things like offering me his chair when I didn't have one, helping me with my serves in gym class, and complimenting my work. He didn't like me or anything, but it was still nice.

Then in high school, everything changed. In my last two years of high school, I had depression, social anxiety, general anxiety disorder, paranoia, panic attacks, constant nightmares, insomnia, and heart problems. It was then that I also got my first crush on a girl and realized I was bi. Looking back on it, I wonder how I made it through with an eighty something average. :eek: Which universities still expect to be a bit better.

After high school, I decided to come out to my friends. I also told my mom and brother. Everyone was okay with it. Today, I am taking 1 more needed class for university, then I am hoping to get into nursing at McMaster university. And that's my life.

 

Hello, my name is Anthony.

I was born in San Gabriel, which is the heartland of the San Gabriel Valley, a prominent Asian American community where I've always lived. I lived in Rosemead, a working class neighborhood and went to school here.

I found out I was gay during 7th grade. I starting staring at guys who had developed six-packs (discreetly of course) and I got that tingly sensation. It wasn't until the end of 8th grade when I accepted myself.

I didn't know what to do when I found out my secret. I couldn't afford to tell my parents because they would feel extremely ashamed (possibly enough to force me back into the closet). Asian shame is deeply rooted in our veins and if they found out something new about me, they would have the urge to tell others, even though they would feel ashamed. Next thing you know, the whole neighborhood would know.

Since 9th grade was the beginning of high school for me, I figured that I could get a fresh start. This led me to come out to numerous of my friends. All of them accepted me and half of them were like "I wasn't born yesterday."

I started to come out to my sister and her bf. They are both adults with successful jobs so I figured if my parents can't accept me, I would have two people to back me up.

I felt liberated. I didn't have to hide who I was, partly because some found out without me telling them. I'm currently in 10th grade, writing for the school newspaper, and coming out to new people every time.

 

Hey guys,
Im Lani and this is my story:

Ive always been “different”. Even at a young age I never quite fit in with the other kids.:icon_sad: I was five the first time I remember that I showed signs of being pansexual. Boys and girls weren’t supposed to be friends. Not when every other five year old believed in cooties and the cheese touch. (*hug*)But honestly I never really noticed he was a boy. Not like other kids would have. Other kids never would have sat down with the scrawny little boy in the back of the room. It started with the fact that I never seemed to notice that it wasn’t quite normal for a girl to mainly play with boys, and at five when my mom had to give me a rather Softened (for lack of a better word) “talk.” I was utterly confused at why my mom made such a big deal at him coming over, I mean we were best friends why should his gender matter? He was absolutely the same as any other friend I ever had. In fact he was better than most of my other friends, he treated me as if I hung the moon. I felt the same towards him. I used to think the two of us would get married. Others used to sing that adorable song about the two lovebirds sitting in a tree, I loved that song but one thing I never got was why didn’t they sing it about the other close friends they had. I mean come on what could be cuter than “Annabel and Isabell, sittin in a tree.” I was 7 the next time I showed signs of being pansexual. I asked if my friend and I could have a sleepover. I had no Idea that society didn’t approve of little boys, and little girls having a sleepover together. I was always really outgoing growing up until middle school started and I was daily harassed for three years. In 6th grade it was because my friend decided to tell the whole school I was fat. In seventh grade It was because of my name. In eighth grade it was because a girl told the whole school she thought I was a lesbian. Needless to say I developed a tremendous fear of people. After the girl spread the rumor about me I started cutting with a shard of glass: no one ever noticed. I tried to kill myself 4 times that year alone. No one has ever found out. It wasn’t until that summer that I became happy again; that was when I first heard the term pansexual. After that I became increasingly happy only to have my world come crashing down when I realized how far in the closet I was. It has been 5 or 6 months and I am now officially openly gay and for the first time happy.(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)despite the tremendous fear of people, that I have been unable to get rid of.:dry:

 

I wrote this some time ago, and I'll paste a relevant part of it exactly as it is without major edits.

"Here is my rant of sorts - thoughts - which I've been thinking about for the longest time.
I don't tell every single person I know overnight. Give me some time, it's a big part of news to break to them, and I'm already giving it in hints, bits and pieces here and there. They don't get it though, but it's fine. It will all make sense when - if - they ever know.
It's a tough enough struggle in my day-to-day life. I always have the urge to tell someone, yet it would be murder if I really did. After a while, I simply don't care about it anymore. Just shove it aside and keep on living, maybe that's the way to go about it. Maybe it's just imagination running wild. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But it just isn't true. I am reminded how I ever came to this conclusion, the reason why I am striving towards my goal. Just in hopes to clear all misconceptions and doubts.
I hate living a lie. I am who I was meant to be, and though I use masks from time to time, I never keep them for too long. It's just that pretending nothing's odd isn't an easy task. It's just not me, and I won't force myself to be that.
Finally, a word of thanks to those who have tried to understand, elusive though they be, or at least bothered to stop and listen."

Perhaps a bit too colloquial and not much of a story, but I wasn't writing for anyone to read. Just a piece of reflection, and FYI, the mental state I was in when writing the above was quite awful.

 

This is interesting.

 

Because I'm lazy and don't have the time to rewrite this, Most, if not all of my story can be found in these two threads.

 

Growing up I was a complete tomboy for years! *Alert! Alert* By the time I got to secondary school I was no different from the other girls my age. I liked guys completely, had crushes on all the hot celebs etc. I'd always been outdoorsy and sporty which wasn't a big deal in my school as it encouraged everyone to play at least 1 sport. At 15/16 some of my girl friends went through the bicurious-attention seeking phase and it really put me off. Kissing another girl, to me, was just weird. I dated quite a few guys throughout highschool, I really did like them but they always seemed to like me more. I never felt comfortable enough to sleep with them though. At 17 I changed schools and at 18 I'd moved countries- I didn't date in this period as settling down and making friends seemed more important.

At the beginning of this year I met my current girlfriend, but at this point I was completely straight and was even seeing a guy at the time. There was just something about her that made me want to get to know her, it was like I couldn't help myself but see her. One VERY drunken night we kissed and the next morning I said it wouldn't happen again, I'd never considered being anything but straight and my parents would go mental. Fast forward to now, I'm actually dating her. It's amazing. We've been through a lot- my parents found out and went mental, it's been quite rough. But I'm happy and I wouldn't change anything. I find myself looking at girls and finding them attractive more than I used to and I still like guys. At the moment I'm going with the flow. Not many people know as I don't really know how to label myself and I'm scared of being judged by a new group of friends as I just started uni!