So my dad and I argued about school and what I'm doing with my life anyways I Told him to fuck off and leave me alone...... So knowing the arrogant asshole he is he had people Remove everything out of my room an left me with a sleeping bag .......... WTF so I called the idiot and said WTF is your problem people freaking argue like wth?! He said "you aren't going anywhere with your life so get used to that sleeping bag" CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT! Wtf so I called my mom and showed her what he did and then they argued but she said he isn't budging not until I come up with a life plan, and email it to him...... WTF F**king IDIOT! He said I need to find a girlfriend ASAP, like wtf I obviously don't WANT ONE! I want a BOYFRIEND! He's sick a dick head!!!! who Does that
..It might not be child abuse, but it is assault. I should point out that respect goes both ways. Treat you kids with respect: they're the ones that decide if you go in a nursing home or not.
Here's my take. Alexander, your dad is an arrogant asshole who has not the slightest genuine interest in what *you* want, only in what *he* believes you should do. We know this from the history of what you've said in the past, and your descriptions of his behaviors. But in this particular case, I think what he's after is seeing you get some focus in your life, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. The problem is, he and your mother have so completely dominated and smothered you that it's got to be really, really hard for you to figure out what you do want. And, honestly, I don't think there's anyone 18 who really knows what they want to do, only what they may *think* they want to do, and for someone like your dad, that's probably impossible to fathom, because I doubt he is genuinely happy with his own life from what you've said. Now... you have in the past said that you want to make your own way, and figure out things for yourself, so you still have that option. Basically, your dad is playing a game of "chicken", and you can either blink (give in and send him your "plan") or you can choose to do something completely different. Here are some realistic options: -- Spend a year in Americorps or the Peace Corps or something like that, which would cost you nothing, put a roof over your head, and immerse you in a completely different set of experiences. It would be hard, as you'd have to give up all the 'creature comforts' you're used to, but it would probably be the most profound and life changing experience you could have. -- Move away from your parents and attend college far enough away where you can really be on your own (maybe Toronto). And I don't mean be on your own in some $15000 a month house they rent for you; live in the dorm, with a roommate, and immerse yourself in college life. -- Find a really good career advisor (NOT one your parents find for you; I can help you with that if you're interested) and spend some time with him/her, take a battery of occupational tests, and let him or her help you figure out what really motivates and excites you, and then pursue that career, whether it's by getting eduaction or interning/mentoring in the field. All of those are sensible, realistic, and reasonable ways of moving forward with your life. And probably none of those are things your father would be terribly supportive of (except, maybe, college) but those are probably, for you, some of the most sensible options. The thing to remember here is... your dad, in his misguided way, is trying to get you to go somewhere because you have been sort of aimless since you finished high school. But the key is... give thought to it and do the work to figure out what motivates you, and honestly, I'd really encourage you to try something so completely out of your element that it scares the crap out of you (like Americorps or Peace Corps) because I think that's where the most growth and clarity would come from, given the ridiculousness of the environment in which you were raised. Hope that helps.
Yeah, my mom tried something like this when I was in 8th grade. My parents were getting divorced, my grades sucked and I couldn't have cared less, I was busy hating myself for being gay, and the math teacher pissed me off something fierce one day and I never forgave him. So what did I do? I FUCKED SHIT UP. I was sent to the principle's office every day for a month. When my mom was called in repeatedly, I just sat and smirked. She took everything out of my room except my dresser, bed and clothes hamper. I continued to fuck shit up until the discipline commitee officially threatened me with expulsion 2-3 weeks before school ended. I ceased my shenanigans and passed the grade by the skin of my teeth. While I had my bed and dresser, I did nothing. I came home and I sat in that room day after day and called my mom's bluff. I knew she wouldn't leave the room that way for long because the shed was too full with all my furniture. I called it and she caved after a while. Now here, why not go with the flow? Your dad doesn't seem all that friendly, but it won't hurt to start trying stuff out. What do you think of that makes you smile and say "Ooooo that's cool" and want to do it for a job? If your dad sees that you're making an effort, he may release his death grip. Like Chip said, VERY few 18 year olds know what they want. I've talked to 50 year olds who don't know what job they want! It's a hit/miss thing IMO. This is sad though, I mean you had this great party and you were happy with your friend/crush and everything was going good! I'm sorry man.
I'm sure none of us know the ENTIRE story behind what prompted your parents to do this. But personally, I wish my parents did this to me when I was younger. Maybe now I wouldn't be just starting college with a low paying job at 21. Maybe I would actually be someone with a good career or even just goals in my life. I know I don't know the whole story. And I know its weird to say this, but I wish my parents had done that to me when I was your age. Just my 2 cents
I'm not seeing any assault there, but it is felony dickbaggery. Have you mentioned to him that this is not something he needs to do in order to ensure your happiness in life? Parents are supposed to support their children and sometimes with tough love, but forcing you into some crap "life plan" sounds like vicarious manipulation for his own kicks. ^^To Hrantou: I do agree that it's with good intentions. But when undue pressure is put on before the right time (the brain isn't fully mature until our mid-20s) it might lead to some very bad decisions and possibly worse results than if the life motivation had been at a more relaxed pace.
I was replying to a post that got deleted, which is why my post seems odd. The poster was essentially saying that it's not child abuse to beat someone up if they're over 18.
You're right. It can have a negative impact. I was just speaking from a personal point of view. Sometimes, people just need a swift kick in the ass to get it going you know? Like I did. Still, I mean it couldn't hurt to look around for a plan. Maybe just indulge your father? You never know. Your research might turn up something you like
Omg, that stuff has happened to me too, and I hate my father, and I'll never respect him, despite what I'm told. When my dad doesn't get his way or gets into an argument he resorts to violence, so hopefully you can get your life on track and move out asap! I'm going to University (College) next year!
It's too bad your relationship is so bad with him and all this shit went down. I know if I told my dad to fuck off when I was 18 and living at home I would be out of the house w/o a sleeping bag. At least I had a car that I paid for so I could have slept in that I guess. Anyway having some type of life goals is a good idea and I hope he wants the best for you, but he went about it in a bad way. If you don't have a job and moving toward independence, a gf is the last thing he should want for you. She(he)'ll only cost you money and distract you from work and aspiring to goals. Maybe he thinks you're gay and uses that tactic to get you to come out, although I hate it when people do that. I like Chip's advice and hope you'll give it some thought and cooler heads will prevail with you and your dad. That's one of the things about maturing as an adult, dealing with difficult situations and staying calm to resolve them. I'm still not the best at it, but have improved in the past 20 years. If your parents were never good role models on doing that then I hope you'll be able to be more mature than they are in these situations. One thing you can try when things get heated again is saying this argument is not constructive and we need to cool down and talk about it later. Escalating arguments only lead to things like him taking away all your stuff. I hope things get better for you.
Great posts and advice on this thread. Your dad sounds like an arrogant man, and I am sorry for what you are going through. You probably don't agree on many things with each other, however it looks like he will support you out of duty if you treat the whole thing like business deal, this is not something to be taken lightly. It is great advantage to at least have parents who can potentially help you, imagine being completely on your own. Many parents see parenting as a job and their job is finished when a child is 18 in their opinion, they will support their children only if they see them as being in control of their lives, otherwise there is the danger of the child getting used to the comfort of home and never growing up, this is the place your father is coming from, he does not want to be responsible for you forever. Obviously as an 18 year old you have no idea what you want to do in life and what plan to come up with, but you can still show that this does not mean that you cannot take charge of your life. However difficult it might be dissociate yourself emotionally from him, be an adult, live for yourself and take charge of your life, take advantage of having parents who can support you if you show that you can be responsible. If you don't know what you want to do yet you can get a job for a while to help you figure things out for example. You could write him that email and say exactly that, make this your plan: you don't know what you want to do in life at the moment, but you are figuring it out, and present him some short term solutions that will show that you are on top of things and taking it seriously. Teach yourself to not wish for his emotional support and don't think of him as somebody who has power over you, just as a relative who can help you if you both play by some rules, it is you who makes decisions in your life, and not him, show him that you are ready for that. For example you can say in that email: I don't know what I want to do in 5 years, and so I cannot choose something long term yet, but I am going to do xyz (apply for jobs, college, research options, apply for peace corps, whatever) in the next weeks, so I can do XYZ for the next year or 2 to figure out what I want to do long term. Basically buy yourself time, try to get away from home as soon as possible/ at least start to live independently. If he does not accept it then he is a true a-hole. Good Luck!
