I was the good guy. I was the person everybody loved and adored, but I'm a phony. I am not example. I am full of hate and booze. I could be a awesome example for the LGBT community, but stand back and watch everything I love and care about burn to the ground. I live in a small town and could be a great example, but I can't put down the bottle.
Have you tried reaching out for help, or does anyone know about your alcohol abuse? I know how you feel. In my opinion, I am a great friend and an even better daughter, but I use that to justify substance abuse. I've always been a cool-headed person, but I fucking snap when people try to confront me about it. This may be the case for you also, but I'm a firm believer than addiction is something that you have to battle on your own. It's great to have support and be held accountable, but at the end of the day it's you that has to make the right choices.
You loose everyone and everything, but are you questioning what people hate? Or what you hate being? My dad is still battling his alcoholism and it isn't an easy road, but the other option is much worse. Now you have admitted that, you can change it. Seek the help you need, for the ones that love you, for the ones that you love, and most importantly, for you.