Silly desperate stuff you do when in love/lust/crushing/infatuated/obssesed

i do exactly that!
i also come up with interesting things to tell her/talk to her about and reasons to text her

 

Glancing at Facebook every two minutes on the off chance he would be on and if he is silently waiting for him to message me, because I'm worried if I message him he'll get annoyed. And if I do message him I'll spend two minutes thinking of something witty and funny to say.

 

I talk about them non-stop, thus betraying that I have a crush.

I also lust after the love interest, something I only do whenever I love someone or am infatuated.

I write love letters that I'll never show them, their name circles around my head all day, and I'm constantly dreaming of being intimate with them. Mostly I come across cold and pushy to people, but I'm always beaming at my crush when I'm with them.

I've always been a little gaudy about my knowledge about things, but if I'm around my crush I'll flaunt it excessively in an attempt to bedazzle them, yet that strategy always backfires because it's so pretentious.

 

I just stare at them....creepily.

 

Spent money foolishly on a few (younger ones). But I had the good sense to be honest with myself and them. "I know this is just a fling and you'll tire of me before I tire of you. But when I'm sitting on my porch swing as an old man I'll at least smile and remember the good time you gave me. I'm not on that porch swing yet but I do remember them and never tried to fool myself in to thinking I was doing anything more than financing my libido.

 

I feign disinterest but happen to find whatever reason possible to stay close.

Like there was this one guy I saw downtown. Think he was FtM. My type. He was waiting for a ride, I come out and pretend I'm waiting for mine. I've got my phone back, I'm checking it and pretending to grow more and more irritable.

Finally, I chickened out and left. I was in femme mode but was actually out shopping for what would be my first guy clothes. It was having to introduce myself and not being sure what as that scared me off.

 

This is my life summed up. :icon_sad:

 

Oh. My. Qod. What have I not done? I've literally followed him everywhere, bought him food before school for several weeks in a row, snuck out of my house to go to parties with him, threatened to kill anyone who messes with him, cried for a few hours after I came out to him and found out he was straight, cried after finding out that he was trying to avoid me after I told him my feelings, and cried when I finally accepted that he can never love me and I'd be alone for a long time because I don't think I can ever find someone as perfect as him.

 

I reread conversations I've had with my crush or messages he's left me... over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over... :redface:

 

*Overanalyze every exchange we have (text, conversations, emails,etc.) for any hints that he might like me.

*Spend wayyy too much time trying to compose something witty and funny with a flirty subtext that's not too overt, every time I respond or want to send him a message.

*Think about him all the time. Dream about him at night and daydream about him during the day.

*Imagininng and reimaging every possible scenario where he might confess his secret love for me, or rescue me and then declare his love for me.

*Trying to come up with all kinds of spontaneous, uncontrived situations where we run into each other.

*Trying (unsuccessfully) not too seem too eager to please him or respond instantly to his every question, remark or message.

That's just a few...

 

Replay all of our conversations in my head.

 

It's alright, countless other boy-crazy boys plus myself know your struggle.

Especially the warm fuzzies that come from arm/any contact. Especially that. And the being too shy to risk meeting a gaze, but I think I'm becoming more courageous since coming out! ^_^

 

Also these.

 

Let's see here.

- spending countless nights staying up thinking about nothing but them
- cry myself to sleep knowing I can't have them and feel like I'll be the forever alone guy
- write poems about how I'll never love again since I can't have them
- act like a little twat because of it
- write a love letter
- spend countless nights up thinking about the crush that actually went somewhere
- write "Bryan x (crush name) in my notebook in places only I will see
- more love poems

Yep. I get pretty crazy over love. O3o

 

Lets see. With my first couple crushes I never even approached them and only acknowledged it was in my head. Then comes alot of grey area between different straight crushes that amounted to nothing. What I convinced myself was my first romantic crush was on a boy I know through the internet who I felt a level of connection I wasn't feeling with other friends at the time. I did lots of desperate and pathetic things during that crush like:

-Explore the possibility of being romantically attracted to girls, hoping with my straight crush it could work the other way around

- Lay awake in bed texting other friends about it while imagining being able to lay next to him. Might of hugged my pillow a few times, its kind of a blur at this point

- Talk to him constantly, any chance I got, about me, about him, about my "feelings," intimate personal topics and even insecurities I never brought up with anybody else b4. And compliment him constantly until eventually..

- Became disgusted with his consistently disappointing replies, erased all traces of his presence in my life and spent the next month aggressively and irrationally brooding over the situation. Occasionally lashing out at people without much reason and overcomplicating and dramatizing everything in general.

It is possible though I might of made it all up cause I was alone and bored. A friend described it as Loving the Idea of Love rather than the person himself. I dunno in the end it doesnt make a difference. No permanent damage was done anywhere and I do think the experience overall wrecked my ability to invest romantic emotion in str8bois completely. So I definitely took some positive stuff out of it. With my next crush and x boyfriend I applied a much more cautious approach as well as a pessimistic mindset which helped me walk away much easier when that quickly fell apart.