For some reason I make friends with girls really easily we just seem to connect very well and in no time we there is already a friendship going on. However, I wish this was true with straight guys aswell... I just can't seem to be able to talk to them. I can hold conversations with girls for hours but with guys its just a few minutes before things get awkward. Another thing I would like to point out is whenever a straight guy (especially if they are cute) tries to talk to me I kinda just half-acknowledge them and give them a cold shoulder like I'm rejecting them or try to be a little mean. I have no idea why I do this its just a reaction, at first I thought it was a fear of rejection so I reject them "first" ? if that makes sense. you guys may think i am just batshit crazy but it happens. How can I overcome this? I really want to make more male friends even though we don't share that many common interests such as sports, etc.
That is exactly what I do.. to any guy.. I just feel so awkward.. They think I'm an asshole.. Owell, I'm used to it. Do you think its anything to do with your confidence??
I have no Idea sometimes I feel very confident most of the times I don't. when I am talking to straight guys I feel much more insecure
Is it maybe that you don't want them to think that you're after them sexually? It could be just their fear coming through. OTOH, maybe they are afraid that they might like gay sex? Straight guys seem paranoid about that.
I don't have an answer as to how to help, but I'm really glad that you posted this. I was just thinking about something similar today. I have loads of straight gay friends (out later in life and all), but right now I'll be damned if I can think of starting a conversation with them, or even hanging out. I am sure this is more about me than them. Perhaps I've just realized how little we actually share in common? If you do figure it out, I'd like to know. I find myself being really short in most cases, which is funny since I'm the one who used to talk like mad. Of course, I am not out with all of my friends yet, so that could part of my puzzle. I understand the talking with girls part too. Which leads me to believe that this might not be about them (though biggayguy makes a valid point, but I think that would only apply if they know that you are gay), I think it might be about you. Not wanting to betray your emotions? Not wanting your emotions to get you hurt, crush territory? With the girls there is likely nothing more or less than camaraderie, you know, just solid friends without tension of any kind. So then, what's the tension with the straight guys?
that is what I was thinking too some kind of "sexual tension" but the girls do not know my sexual orientation just even with random strangers (women) I feel like I am more comfortable communicating with them or just randomly opening conversation. Its like my brain works like a woman's so most of the time everything just clicks. I am really friendly and attentive with women strangers but to straight men I'm like a statue and they end up thinking I am stuck up, when I really am not. this is typical conversation with straight guy: random guy: hey man what's up? me: oh not much you? random guy: oh I was watching the football game with my bros yesterday, so glad ____ team won! me: cool. it doesnt even have to be about sports or cars or w/e.
I have been in this situation so many times. Almost word for word too. :lol: My response is now just, "oh" when sports come up.
I don't treat straight guys like that, mainly cause I'm not self-hating. I'm a straight male, the other half is a Biromantic woman, and while some aspects of male culture suck the same can be said of gay male culture -does that give us a reason to tarnish you with the same brush? Noooooooooooooo!! I've experienced lots of microaggressions from gay men, but unlike you I don't get flustered about my experiences to the point they reflect on everyone else. The misogyny, the erasure of my gender and suffering, the spitting on my face...none of that makes me bitter, whereas you haven't gone through that yet you're still treating them with disdain? Why do we make you feel threatened? My guy half is entirely straight, not homophobic in any way, so you don't have to worry about unwarranted flirting or that I'll swoop in on any other guys you may want. I promise that I'm not a threat. Whatever it is that you dislike about some straight men is extrinsic to them, not straight men as a whole and you really should extricate yourself from the burden of hating straight men, and not extrude them from your life. (your bias is really undisguised, and wanton since you admitted to not even getting to know them) A lot of straight men I know have more in common with gay Asian femboys than the straight guy exemplified as the object of ridicule in the OP. There is no universal male culture, and consequently it would be unfair to treat them as if they're all the same. I know the position I'm arguing here is invariably unpopular, but I don't think it's right to treat straight men like this, even if we have some privileges that homosexuals don't.
I think it has to do with fear of rejection. You probably find talking to girls easier because girls are typically more accepting when it comes to gay men than straight men are. Also, girls will generally not start talking to random guys about sexual stuff (hot guys, etc.) the way guys do when they talk to each other. Try thinking of them as girls if that makes sense. I guess that means to think of them as just people and not specifically guys, perhaps that could remove the sexual tension. The most important thing is to try to be yourself, you could tense up because you're trying to act appropriately but mostly it just makes you think too much and your brain thinks it's best to not do anything at all. Now I wish I could follow this advice myself lol.
I feel more comfortable around guys than girls but there's not much difference between the two for me.
