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My dad is gone

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by drwinchester, Nov 5, 2013.

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  1. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    At five am this morning, my father had a heart attack. He was bordering on fifty, prime of his life. He'd been feeling ill, so my mom was about to drive him to the hospital, before he collapsed on the porch.

    She got me up. Live on a rural property so someone needed to open the gate, guide the ambulances. She was calling 911.*

    His pulse was gone. Ambulances came and she left with him.*

    An hour ago, my mom returned with a friend of my father's.*

    My father, forty-nine, father of six, is dead.*

    It shouldn't be him. Not so soon. Not now. He had everything to live for and he was taken away anyway.*

    He was the man I called dad because my biological father never bothered to call. He was the man I looked up to, the man who held the family together, the man who was there for us when we needed him.

    He's gone and I don't know what to do.*
     
    #1 drwinchester, Nov 5, 2013
  2. AtheistWorld

    AtheistWorld Guest

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    I'm sorry :tears:
     
    #2 AtheistWorld, Nov 5, 2013
  3. Techno Kid

    Techno Kid
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    Aww I'm so sorry :frowning2:
     
    #3 Techno Kid, Nov 5, 2013
  4. Xochipilli

    Xochipilli
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    So sorry drwinchester.
    :frowning2:
     
    #4 Xochipilli, Nov 5, 2013
  5. chercheur

    chercheur Guest

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    Ohh my god, Byron, I am so, so, so sorry :frowning2: I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry for you and your family (*hug*)

    Things have been so hard for you, and now you have this on top of it, that's just awful :frowning2: just know that you have support (*hug*)
     
    #5 chercheur, Nov 5, 2013
  6. DMark69

    DMark69
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    Oh my god I'm so sorry. I lost my father earlier this year, so I understand your feelings.
     
    #6 DMark69, Nov 5, 2013
  7. Gallatin

    Gallatin
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    Winchester, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.
     
    #7 Gallatin, Nov 5, 2013
  8. Hexagon

    Hexagon
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    Damn, I'm sorry.
     
    #8 Hexagon, Nov 5, 2013
  9. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    My sincere condolences for your loss. May you and your family find the strength to carry on in the coming days; our thoughts are with you.
     
    #9 greatwhale, Nov 5, 2013
  10. Ruthven

    Ruthven
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    I'm sorry, man. Seriously that's awful...:icon_sad:
     
    #10 Ruthven, Nov 5, 2013
  11. SemiCharmedLife

    SemiCharmedLife
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    So sorry to hear. May his memory be a blessing
     
    #11 SemiCharmedLife, Nov 5, 2013
  12. ShadowSpirit26

    ShadowSpirit26 Guest

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    Im very sorry for your loss. It's important that you stay strong, for yourself and for your family. Again, I am very sorry this has happened to you. :frowning2:
     
    #12 ShadowSpirit26, Nov 5, 2013
  13. English Frenchman

    English Frenchman Guest

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    Words cannot express the sentiment of a loss. It is, Mesmer put it, one of those pure emotions that would be diminished in valor and sentiment by applying them to words.

    I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my grandmother this year and I was in state of shock. One does not know what to expect until it happens. To loose one’s father is something I couldn’t even begin to imagine.
    You have my deepest and more sincere condolences. And although I may not know you, if ever you wish to talk, I am here to listen. Be glad it was not a long and painful passing.

    Peace be with you.
     
    #13 English Frenchman, Nov 5, 2013
  14. SaleGayGuy

    SaleGayGuy
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    Drwinchester

    I am so so sorry to hear of dad’s sudden passing at such a young age and I am sure that all on EC would offer you our deepest sympathies.

    My dad passed away 4 years ago after a battle with cancer, we all knew his time was up but never the less when the day came we were all shocked. This feeling of shock and numbness lasted for several days, but as the oldest in the family it fell to me to make the arrangements, and keeping busy kept my mind off things. Several people I know have also found the same when their parents died.

    In our journey in coming out you will often see quoted Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' work “ Five Stages of Grief”, I don’t know if her work came from studying the loss of a loved one but I think the stages are appropriate.

    First Stage: Denial
    Second Stage: Anger
    Stage 3: Bargaining
    Stage Four: Depression
    Stage Five: Acceptance

    It is important to let these stages play out. In my own case I was 49 when my dad died but I was fighting my own heart problems waiting for heart surgery and trying to keep it a secret from my Mum who would not have coped with knowing I was also very ill. Because I was so wrapped up in my own problems I did not really pass through the 5 stages, and 4 years later I still get very emotional at the thought of death and feel like I want to burst into tears at any moment, as I am writing this to you now. I think if I had let out all my tears and had a good cry at the time I would not be in this state now.

    You are probable one of the oldest children and you need to be strong and help your mum and your younger brothers and sisters through this but make sure you allow yourself time to grieve and have a good cry : you need to do this.

    Our thoughts are with you all. (&&&)

    Sale Gay Guy


    P.S. I found a book called “What to do when someone dies” very helpful. It explained all the necessary steps for dealing with the legal aspect of a family member passing, and provided practical information for coping with the loss. This book was written for the UK legal system but you may find a similar book for your part of the world.

    Many things have to happen in a short time, the first week in fact. So although you are very shocked and upset at this time I would urge you to try and find such a book to help you through this difficult time.
     
    #14 SaleGayGuy, Nov 5, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2013
  15. DrkRayne

    DrkRayne
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    *hugs and kisses* I'm so sorry.
     
    #15 DrkRayne, Nov 5, 2013
  16. Split Arrows

    Split Arrows
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    I'm so sorry (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
    #16 Split Arrows, Nov 5, 2013
  17. mickey1101

    mickey1101
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    I'm so sorry, I understand how it feels to lose a father figure in your life(*hug*) I know words don't help to much right know but try to be thankful you had him cause that's what's important.
     
    #17 mickey1101, Nov 5, 2013
  18. Nick07

    Nick07
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    I am so sorry, Byron (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
    #18 Nick07, Nov 5, 2013
  19. BradThePug

    BradThePug
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. We'll all be here for you if you need to talk during this tough time.
     
    #19 BradThePug, Nov 5, 2013
  20. Sparklet

    Sparklet
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    I'm so so sorry for your loss. Stay strong (*hug*)
     
    #20 Sparklet, Nov 5, 2013
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