Being trans is just too much of a problem. Thanks to autism, I can barely make friends without the controversy of gender dysphoria. I don't have the skill to handle both in my relationships. I also don't have the money to ever present as the other gender or hire a therapist, and I don't have the intelligence to get a high enough paying job to make the money. It's pointless anyway, because I'll always be far too fat to pass. I really don't want to do this, but I have to find some way to make these feelings go away, even if it's a bottle. It's just not practical for me not to be cisgendered, and I can't afford any impracticality. You won't be seeing me here anymore. I love you all, even the ones I always argue with, but I have to do what's best for me, and I'll be deleting my account to make sure I don't have any moments of weakness in the future. I'm not sure goodbye is appropriate, because this won't be good at all, but I will certainly miss you guys.
I don't really think weight is an issue in passing, particularly in America. There are lovely overweight transwomen. You can be one of them, but you can't be fixated on maintaining friendships in the process, because a toxic country like America will always be transphobic, so you have to devote yourself to the transition at all costs. It's all about prioritizing yourself over anything else and you're clearly in a vulnerable state, but you have to learn to adjust to losing friends if you're a trans person, and I hate to say that, but it's the truth. Psychologically speaking, you probably don't need pills, and it hurts when people treat transgendered people as if they're mental, so from that sentence alone I can determine this is just internalized transphobia. What you want isn't unattainable, though it is hard to get. But you say you have Autism...isn't there any loopholes you can eploit to make the government pay for it? I've heard somewhere that in extreme cases medicaid can pay for hormones, but I don't know the specifics of it as I haven't researched it. If you have a counselor at school, or an LGBT support group, either of them would be a good source to learn more about that. Also, doing what's best for you would be transitioning, would it not? I don't see how attempting to suppress your real gender would help as you'll find yourself enveloped in dysphoria.
I don't think it would be good for you to try to forget your gender or resort to drinking. I agree with AtheistWorld. Is there a way to use Autism to get hormones paid for? Hope that helped a bit. (*hug*)
Hi there! Being trans is not a problem. Things don't have to become overwhelming because you can really just take things as they come. Bottling up the feelings you have, your knowledge about yourself, and what feels right for you, will only make things okay for a little while. But the same feelings are going to come back. Listen, you are intelligent enough to get a good paying job. Don't place so much pressure on yourself thinking that to achieve your goals you need to have a high paying job. It can happen that you will actually get a job with a better income than you bargained for. Even though you have Autism, there are employers who are willing to work with you and tailor a position to what you can do. There are organizations that can help you to achieve that. Even though you don't have the financial means to hire a therapists, that doesn't meant that you can't get access to one. There are therapists who will offer services on a sliding scale, thus potentially making things a bit easier on you. Give it some thought. (*hug*)
I'm on my phone know, so I can't give much of a response. The fact is that people don't get what they want unless they have the skills and resources. I don't. I'm not that smart, and certainly not charismatic. I'm a lower class American, so healthcare is not a thing. As for alcohol, my family are alcoholics, and I have a greater disposition to addiction than most and like the taste. It is ijevitable thag I will be an alcoholic someday. Might as well let the stuff supress my gender issues so I can fubction.
If you have Autism, why aren't you on the waiver and getting care? Here in Florida we have APD, Agency for Person's with Disabilities. Isn't there something like that in California? If there is, talk to someone. They will help with so much. I'm not sure they can help you with the trans thing, but they can help you to get a job and health care.
I know you don't think you're unintelligent, otherwise you wouldn't be parading the Ravenclaw emblem everywhere. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I don't want to hear you saying it's undoable. The cognitive dissonance tells me you're in a bad emotional state, so get some rest right now, because the draining from your depression is triggering such irrational thoughts. I'm pretty sure you can get medicaid for your autism, assuming you have a diagnosis, and again there are some avenues, albeit narrow ones, that you can use to get treatment. I think if you show that the dysphoria is endangering your life, and that the hazards have manifested themselves (ie threatening to go alcoholic) that medicaid must fund the transition since it's become a health issue. The other thing I must stress is that you can be a woman and be pre everything as I am, and I'm highly passable. Less cheaper than a full transition, it might quell the dysphoria until you're in a position to afford a transition. I know how urgent it i for you to handle the dyphoria, so maybe taking an incremental step will get you out of this comatose state you're in.
Mild autism doesn't count as a disability for the purposes of Medical, which I will get anyway for financial reasons, but which doesn't actually allow me to afford healthcare. ---------- Post added 6th Nov 2013 at 11:43 PM ---------- (*hug*)
If you feel safe doing so, and can give a general area of location I can reach out to the therapy network and try to find a sliding scale for you. Also I am not requesting you stay as that is your decision but what would it accomplish for you? Will it help you to escape temporarily? Is EC causing you pain that needs to be gotten rid of? Look I cannot legally give therapy online but if you'd like to discuss some basics and perhaps good places to find personal homework you can do I would be happy to help. Also, as mentioned I could look up sliding scales in your area and see who I might be able to find. I mean obviously nobody here can make promises that it will fit your budget. I worked for a private practice that did sliding scale and I had one client who literally paid 5 dollars per session. It is out there Well, I wish you the best on whichever decision you make. Feel free to use my wall or PM if I can assist in anyway Also, on the subject of alcoholism I will say that even having the gene is not a sentence. It's merely a note that you need to monitor your own situation. Just because your parents are is no indication that you also will be. It is certainly not inevitable in any way Foxface
(*hug*) I have to go to bed now, but can you PM me (I'll probably forget in the morning)? ---------- Post added 8th Nov 2013 at 03:04 AM ---------- I have a friend who's a recovering drug addict and who has dealt with many, many alcoholics. I got a lecture on how I don't have any of the warning signs of alcoholism, and the fact that I didn't drink last night, and barely even considered doing so, backs that up. ---------- Post added 8th Nov 2013 at 03:04 AM ---------- Talk more in the morning. Sleepy now, and have to be awake in a little less than 7 hours.
Hi Starlight I don't know you, but I do hope you can hang around on EC - maybe just take a break if you feel so frustrated - but this site can still be a resource for you and from the 400+ posts I guess you have found some good support here in the past. OK, so there may not be a 'quick fix' answer but I also STRONGLY agree with Techoboy who said "I don't think it would be good for you to try to forget your gender or resort to drinking." This can only lead to bigger problems down the line with depression and/or liver damage.. I also think weight is a complete non-issue. Just look at Antony Hegarty - a very attractive transgendered person Can you stick around on EC ?? (*hug*)
